SUNDAY, JANUARY 17, 2016
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1998, internet gossip Matt Drudge posted a story that ultimately led to Bill Clinton’s Impeachment when he opened the most sensational scandal season in the history of the American presidency. Drudge reported that Newsweek magazine had killed a story about our Disgraced Former Pants Dropper in Chief’s sexual relationship with a former intern. The next day Drudge had her name: Monica Lewinsky, and so did The Whistleblower.
So was no big surprise that our Quote for Today Committee chose Slick Willie’s lie that will live in infamy: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: We have former secretary of state and Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton on the show tonight. Backstage she told me she’s a huge fan of the show and I was like, “I know, I read it in your emails.” Conan O’Brien’s: Donald Trump has been endorsed by a whites-only group. In response, Trump said, “I’m proud to be the official candidate of the U.S. Ski Team.” And Seth Meyers’: A new poll shows that in the last month, Hillary Clinton’s lead in Iowa has shrunk from 9 percent to 2 percent. Meanwhile, her fake smile has grown 200 percent.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says a former federal prosecutor recently made headlines with his prediction that Hillary Clinton will be indicted soon for trafficking in classified information on a private e-mail server while working as secretary of State. But should a criminal indictment put Clinton’s bid for the Democratic presidential nomination on hold? Just over half of Democrats say no. [READ MORE HERE]
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 220 is to tell a Liberal how much you admire the lofty neutrality and commitment to truth at all costs of their house journal at the New York Times, which is now about to lay off more of its Obama-loving staffers.
GOING GALT means shrugging off unearned guilt, refusing to support your own destroyers, refusing to give them what Ayn Rand termed “the sanction of the victim.” It means taking the moral high ground by explicitly rejecting as evil the premise of “self-sacrifice” that they sell to you as a virtue— in fact “self-sacrifice” is an invitation to suicide.
THIS WEEK IN PATRONAGE COUNTY, Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as our brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County. This week’s column titled “Signs of the Times,” we learned what happened when it was discovered that someone had been tampering with the signs at the courthouse. That op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on October 14, 1981.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL who celebrated his birthday on today when he wrote himself another poem, which can be seen in his “Sentimental Poems of the Day,” found in the markdown bin at better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ode on My 85th Birthday
It is true I am getting old
My passion is becoming less bold
I’m no longer a pup,
Now I drool in my cup
And my pecker is covered with mold.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER is working on a tip from Tail-gating Troublemaker Tino Delgato, who says The Bungals signed a 30 year lease in 1996. They could leave in 2026, before the stadium is paid off. Look for St Louis to offer the Bengals $200 million to move. Where is former Hamilton County Bob Bedinghaus to barter that one? Oh wait he works FOR the Bengals. Go Figure!!!
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read the “Little Eric D.” Story.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says during his State of DisUnion Speech, Obama proclaimed, “The United States of America, right now, has the strongest, most durable economy in the world.”He went on to talk about the growth of private-sector jobs and the falling unemployment rate. Unfortunately, the economy is not all roses, rainbows and unicorns, as Obama would have us believe, but is instead stagnant –at best — and still struggling to recover from the effects of the 2008 financial crisis. The day after his final State of the Union address, the Dow Jones Industrial Average fell 2.21%, the biggest drop since after Bill Clinton’s 2000 address. Then Walmart, the nation’s largest private employer, announced it would be closing 269 stores.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and tonight many Free Grain Party Members are watching the Disingenuous DemocRAT Debate to see how much FREE Stuff is being promised.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Officials at an Air Force base in Georgia drew criticism on Thursday after posting controversial flyers advertising a ‘Martin Luther King, Jr. fun shoot’ featuring a picture of the civil rights leader, who was gunned down in 1968.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he thought a lot people would be watching tonight’s Disingenuous DemocRAT Party Debate tonight. “Scheduling the final face-off before the Iowa Caucuses, at 9 PM Sunday during a three-day holiday weekend in the same slot as PBS’ popular period drama “Downton Abbey” that airs right after two NFL playoff games should be a clue,” Kane explained.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JANUARY 18), The Blower will be working on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (and most over-taxed payers will have to work that day too), while we’re continuing our countdown of the 368 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
TUESDAY (JANUARY 19) our Real Subscribers will be checking to see if Bungals 0-7 Coach Marvin Lewis still has a job,
WEDNESDAY, (JANUARY 20) we’ll be celebrating the beginning of Obama’s eighth year in office. Time sure flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it.
THURSDAY (JANUARY 21) Angry Andersonians will be still trying to figure out how much their Hamilton County Property Taxes increased because of that Forrest Gump School Tax Hike Scam.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JANUARY 22) LIMERICK IS: “When someone sends you a tweet.”
SATURDAY (JANUARY 23) we’ll be reviewing the progress on all those local Political Primary races, to see if incumbents have anything to worry about.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that are due on Ground Hog’s Day Eve. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows how.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
OBAMA: FALSE HOPE, FALSE MESSIAH
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