The Porky Dorkman Story

          Today, our “Seediest Kids of All” campaign (not affiliated with the Failed United Way) continues by updating the sad story of Louis “Porky” Dorkman, now 29, an adorable little 288-lb. illegitimate waif.

           Porky’s mother, who just lost her job at the County Food Stamps Office just in time for Thanksgiving, stood in line yesterday for six hours at the FreeBee Store behind Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex Triantafillou, Fat Pat Barry, Clueless Marc Wilson, Soon-to-Be-Fired Fired Fishwrappers, and all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama voters who will be soon be laid off when their employers are forced to downsize because of Obamacare, to bring home 28 packages of Twinkies, a box of Wilfred Brimley’s Erotic No-Hands Oatmeal Turkey Stuffing Mix, and a picture of a Thanksgiving turkey.

           The news media failed to make you feel guilty enough, so again this year, there still weren’t enough real turkeys to go around.