The Alan Falfa Story

           image028The holiday season has always been a depressing time for Alan Falfa and his family, because there’s never enough money to buy Christmas presents.

So the Seediest Kids of All (not associated with the Failed United Way) sent over an electric train for Alan, an electric saw for Alan’s father so he can get some part-time work as a scab concrete worker on the doomed Cincinnati Streetcar Construction Team, an electric blanket to keep Alan’s arthritic grandmother warm on cold winter nights, and an electric hair dryer for Alan’s 15-year-old sister Missy, so she can look nice when she goes out with that decrepit former Channel 9 sportscaster who promised her a job as an intern at the station after Horny in Hebron’s favorite massage parlor in Covington was padlocked.

The Falfa family has you to thank, since it’s your liberal guilt giving throughout the year which makes it all possible. Now if those heartless bastards from Duke Energy don’t turn off the Falfa Family’s electricity on Christmas Eve like they do every year, things will be a whole lot merrier. 



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