Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Whistleblower Week in Review 

  • image006OUR NUMBER ONE PRESIDENTIAL IMPEACHMENT STORY THIS WEEK was when The Blower declared Friday “Impeachment Day in America” because Hurley the Historian reported on that date in 1998, Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton had been impeached for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice.

Five weeks later, on February 12, the DemocRAT-controlled Senate voted on whether to remove Clinton from office. Slick Willie was acquitted on both articles of impeachment.

  • OUR NUMBER TWO PRESIDENTIAL IMPEACHMENT STORY THIS WEEK was now that it is sixteen years later, Spineless Republicans are still terrified of uttering the “I” word for any of Obama’s Impeachable Offenses because it backfired last time, even though it wouldn’t have backfired if those same spineless Republicans in the Senate had done their job!!!
  • AND OUR NUMBER THREE PRESIDENTIAL IMPEACHMENT STORY THIS WEEK was when The Fishwrap once again failed to mention how wrong it was for Bill Clinton to stick his Peyronie’s-bent penis into a worshipful Jewish girl’s waiting mouth in the Oval Office when our Peyronie’s President campaigned for Alison Wondergams Grimes’ foolish attempt to unseat Kentucky Senior Senator Bitch McConnell in November.

  • MONDAY in our Special “Truth About Santa” E-dition, The Blower said, “Without illegal wiretapping, Santa wouldn’t know if you’ve been naughty or nice!” 

Yes, Virginia… Obama Really is Santa Claus

       Dear Whistleblower:

            image009I am eight years old. Some of my little friends say “Obama is not really Santa Claus.” Papa says, “If you see it in The Blower, it is so.” Please tell me the truth; is Obama really Santa Claus? —Virginia O’Hanlon

 

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible to their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole truth and knowledge.

image011Yes, Virginia, Obama is Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if Obama were not Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

[READ MORE HERE]


  • TUESDAY in our Special “TEA Party Day” E-dition, The Blower said, “Let’s have a be a big national holiday for Conservatives!” and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:

 image012The History Channel says on this day in 1773, a group of Massachusetts colonists disguised as Mohawk Indians boarded three British tea ships moored in Boston Harbor and dump 342 chests of tea into the water. Now known as the “Boston Tea Party,” the midnight raid was a protest of the Tea Act of 1773, a bill enacted by the British parliament to save the faltering British East India Company by greatly lowering its tea tax and granting it a virtual monopoly on the American tea trade. —Hurley the Historian

That’s why we chose Bill O’Reilly’s “The TEA Party is simply a loose description of local activism driven by Americans who want smaller government and more self-reliance. That sounds like what the Founding Fathers had in mind, does it not?” —Your Quote for Today Committee

Will we win your “Liberals Tell the Stupidest Lies” Award for spending all day today comparing the historic Boston TEA Party to all those Racial Rioters all over America looting chanting “What do we want? Dead cops!” — Activists in the Classrooms and Left-Wing Apologists in the News Media Promoting the Liberal Agenda

And we’ll be calling them “Teabaggers” because it’s a vulgar slang term, if you know what we mean. —Liberals on TV 

Is The Blower the ONLY member of the news media to capitalize all the letters in TEA Party? Maybe it’s because those guys used “TEA Party” ever since they helped publicize that first big “Taxed Enough Already” Rally on Fountain Square, back in 1990s.  —Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski 

[READ MORE HERE]


  •  WEDNESDAY in Official “Vodkas and Latkes” E-dition, The Blower said, “We’re celebrating an eight-day miracle during one half-assed evening!”

Happy Hannukah, Everybody!

            image013Last night was the first night of Hanukkah. Why do Jews celebrate this holiday anyway? Hanukkah Harry explains: “More than 2,000 years ago, Syria attacked Israel. We kicked their asses. The oil in the lamps burned for eight days. Now go eat some potato latkes (sometimes referred to as Jewish weapons of mass destruction) and play with your dreidel already.”

Speaking of Jewish toys, The Blower was corrected yesterday for saying “nothing rhymes with dreidel.” A caller said, “How about “ladle?” Amazingly, the call was from Judge St. Nick Nadel.

How will the City of Cincinnati be celebrating this important Jewish holiday? Most Jews in Cincinnati made their Exodus to the suburbs ages ago.

image015How do you pronounce “Hanukkah” anyway? Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, reportedly a part-time Rabbinic scholar in that story ages ago by Fritz Wenzel (when the president of Wenzel Strategies was but a mere political columnist for the Toledo Blade), says if you’re pronouncing it correctly, somebody will say “God Bless You.”  Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose comedian Richard Lewis’ “Most Texans think it’s some kind of duck call.”

[READ MORE HERE]


  •  THURSDAY in our Special “Impeachment Eve” E-dition, The Blower said, “Do you think today’s TEA Party members will even remember?”

 To Impeach, Or Not To Impeach!

           image016HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on tomorrow’s date in 1998, Slick Willie was impeached for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. Do you think any of those Kneepad Liberals in the Press will be remembering?

According to the History Channel, after nearly 14 hours of debate, the House of Representatives approved two articles of impeachment against President Bill Clinton, charging him with lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. Clinton was the second president in American history to be impeached.

Five weeks later, on February 12, the DemocRAT-controlled Senate voted on whether to remove Clinton from office. Slick Willie was acquitted on both articles of impeachment.

Last year at the Mandela Memorial service, the Slickster said Mandela had taught him to forgive the Republicans who impeached him.

In a related item, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself in a mirror yesterday. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her. Finally, in desperation, she decided to call on God for help. “God, if you take away my love handles, I’ll devote my life to you,” she prayed. And just like that, her ears fell off.

[READ MORE HERE]


  • FRIDAY, in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower explained, “But It’s Still the Same Old BS!”

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

          image019It’s Real Republican Congressman Steve Chabothead, one of the managers at Slick Willie’s Impeachment Trial, who set out the legal requirements of perjury and accused the president of meeting all of them.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting Impeachment for Lying Bastards in the Oval Office, is pleased to permit Ohio’s Distinguished First District Congressman to be today’s guest editor and choose three items plus a little Political Quiz for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.

NOTE: The Blower is still waiting for the Old Chabothead to send us those Republican Talking Points explaining why he and Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup rubber-stamped RINO Speaker of the House John Boehner’s $1.1 Trillion “cromnibus bill” that contained provisions designed to eliminate the TEA Party as a viable threat.

[READ MORE HERE]


  • SATURDAY in our Official “World Orgasm for Peace Day” E-dition The Blower said, “How many Druids does it take to scew in a light bulb? Answer: They don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles!”

Checking the O-Meter

      image020According to Obama’s Orgasm Czar Cliticia von Climax, Sunday is World Orgasm for Peace Day, and tonight on Winter Solstice Eve, Obama even plans to go on TV to announce that all his Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Him In The White House—Twice,  who want an Orgasm, can keep it. But also at last night at our Good Friend Kenton Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ Eighth Annual Christmas Party at Jer Zees Pub and Grub at 708 Monmouth Street in Newport, word came that if there isn’t maximum participation across the nation, it probably won’t be an entirely pleasurable experience for everyone involved. For example… 

BARRACK OBAMA, whose wife Michelle beat the hell out of him after she read that National Enquirer story about Obama’s Secret Love Nest, won’t have an orgasm during his entire 16-day over-taxed payer vacation in Hawaii.   

HARRY REID, who says he won’t be able to screw Republicans in the Senate in 2015 the way he did in 2014, won’t have an orgasm.

VULNERABLE DEMOCRATS IN 2014, who lost running on Amnesty and ObamaCare, won’t have an orgasm.

[READ MORE HERE]


The Libtard Show

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Libtard n. Combination of “liberal” and “retard,” or people who, intoxicated by being knowlegable and right about politics and economics, forget that they need to get actual real ordinary people to support them if their agenda is to be advanced. Often but not always rich, well meaning and with good insight to society’s problems, but naive about the mechanics of politics and utterly ignorant about how power actually works.


This Week’s Top Item On The Conservative Agenda

         Today The Blower salutes Republican Former Vice President Dick Cheney for calling the Senate DemocRATS so-called Report on Torture “full of crap.” You can see that entire interview here.

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  • image025Other current items on The Conservative Agenda will just have to wait, including: Obama’s Leadership, The Clinton Legacy, Other Dishonest Democrats, Obama’s Secret Service, Biden’s Blunders, Obama Supporters In The Press, Democrats In Disarray, Polling For Trolls, Veterans, Racial Healing, Amnesty For Future DemocRATS, Baby Killing, and Making Sure Not To Hurt The Feelings Of All Those Murdering Muslim Bastards: 
  • image026Other Liberal Agenda Items will have to wait too, including: PC (If It’s Politically Correct, You Can’t Object), Tree Hugging, Keeping People From Smoking, Diversity Uber Alles, Unions Blues, Fanatical Feminists, Supporting Sodomy Rites, Global Warming: G-Uncontrol, Liberal Brainwashing In Schools, Voting Rights For People Who Are Too Stupid To Vote, Streetcars, Scalping the Washington Redskins, and Giving Away Free Stuff With Your Money.

TODAY’S “LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES” AWARD WINNER IS

Dishonest Independent-DemocRAT Maine Senator Angus King who was all bent out of shape after hearing eviscerated Vice President Dick Cheney’s comments about the CIA’s use of torture. King called the executive summary “shocking,” and said he was ”stunned” to hear Cheney’s comments to the contrary. “If he doesn’t think that was torture,” he said, “I would invite him anywhere in the United States to sit in a waterboard and go through what those people went through.”

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The Feck Stops Here

         image029METRO MOLE says these days, folks at The Fishwrap are busy worrying about if there will be any more furloughs and firings before the end of the year, as they all enthusiastically promote the current cause of the week on the Liberal Agenda.

This week, everybody was getting ready for next week’s hypefest over whether Convicted-And-Sentenced Black DemocRAT Ex-Juvie Judge Traci Hunter will begin serving her jail sentence on Monday, December 29.

Also this week, our Feckless Fishwrappers were also going after “That Evil Gerrymandering,” which unlike on Cincinnati City Clown-cil, allows White Republicans to hold a majority at the Statehouse.

The Blower’s surprised we didn’t see The Fishwrap quoting RaceBaiter Al Sharpton speaking out on this unspeakable evil, because, we remember what our Favorite Fishwrappers always say:  It’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our area great, it’s our “Diversity.”


More Politics Unusual

  •  image030OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s “Today President Obama announced that the U.S. is working to improve its relationship with Cuba in an effort to normalize full diplomatic relations. For instance, today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops.” Conan O’Brien said, “Obama announced that he’s going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro.” And David Letterman said, “You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is back home in the United States. And we sent them some prisoners. The deal still has to be approved by President Obama and Bud Selig.”
  • image032LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,”  # 10: Quote G. Gordon Liddy: “A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellowman, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.”
  • image034GOING GALT: The phrase ‘Going Galt’ doesn’t simply mean getting angry. That would be “Going Postal.” It means having righteous indignation at the injustice of a political system that bails out individuals and institutions for irresponsible behavior and at the expense of those like you who prosper through hard work and personal responsibly.
  • THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Christmas comes but once a year — and usually not accompanied by so much big news. Friday, just before he left for his over-taxed payer funded Christmas vacation, Obama announced the United States will make a “proportional” response to North Korea’s computer hacking and threat campaign against Sony Pictures that led to the cancelling of the film, “The Interview.” Earlier in the week, Obama announced his intention to end the 54-year-old U.S. economic embargo against Cuba. [READ MORE HERE]
  • image036THIS WEEK IN PATRONAGE COUNTY, Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as our brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County. This week’s column titled “Another Exclusive,” which told about political attempts to influence the Press, first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 10, 1980, and was personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
  • image037HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on who says according to the History Channel, on this date in 1970, rock star Elvis Presley was greeted at the White House by President Richard M. Nixon and amazingly, it wasn’t even an election year. Presley’s visit was not just a social call: He wanted to meet Nixon in order to offer his services in the government’s war on drugs. Presley died from heart failure in 1977, which the coroner’s report said was due to “undetermined causes.” Speculation abounded, however, that his death was caused by a lethal mix of a variety of prescription drugs and obesity.
  • image038MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose the portion of the notes taken at Nixon’s meeting with Elvis. (You can read that entire memorandum here.)
  • image042SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL:  Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read “The Alan Falfa Story.”
  • image039MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today we have the “A Visit From St. Nick” from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves,   found in “Erotic Christmas Poems,” available at better sticky pages bookstores everywhere.                    

Ol’ Santa made a special stop
At a town up north named Nome
He found a real cute housewife
Whose husband wasn’t home.

  • image041THE MUCK STOPS HERE: Everybody’s talking about all those prestigious holiday parties going on these days, except that Chintzy Christmas event put on by COAST’s Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney, where any political wannabee could get in for free, but you still had to pay for your own food and drinks. Not reported anywhere was the way Ohio Congressmen Steve Chabothead and “Bronze Star” Wenstrup were upbraided for caving in to Obama on ObamaCare and Amnesty when they voted for RINO Speaker of the House John Boehner’s $1.1. Trillion “CRomnibus” Bill (a combination of a Continuing Resolution and an omnibus spending bill covering dozens of federal agencies) without even reading it.  The National Debt has gone up $3.8 trillion in 3.8 years under Boehner’s so-called “Leadership,” in case anybody’s forgotten.
  • image047WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says according to Market Watch, the U.S. stock market ended a turbulent week punctuated with collapse of the ruble, gyrations in the oil prices and the Federal Reserve’s policy meeting, with the biggest weekly gain since October. Stocks rose for three straight session in the wake of the Federal Reserve’s reassurance that the rate increases would be methodical, while the central bank said it would be “patient” on the timing of the initial hike.
  • image049THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone willing to help himself from the stores of others, but East Price White Guy Michael Denney who stole a John Deere utility vehicle loaded with eight trees from Kroger was not part of the Free Grain Party Movement.

Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.

Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice.

  • image051FINALLY AT SATURDAY’S MEETING OF CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why so many people seem to have trouble finding those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County. “Do you think it’s because the Amish don’t have electricity?” Kane said.

“It’s easy to make jokes about the Amish,” Kane added. “They don’t get e-mail, and they’re not on Facebook, so they won’t know they’ve been offended.”


THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.

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SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.


 AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:

  • image054Monday (December 22) The Blower will be featuring our Special “Winter Solstice Celebration” E-dition. while we’re continuing our countdown of the 760 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
  • Tuesday (December 23) we’ll be publishing our Special “Early Christmas Eve” E-dition, and our Real Subscribers will be wondering if this year Obama’s Christmas card once again card fails to mention Christmas in their Real E-Mails.
  • Wednesday (December 24) we’ll be bringing you our Special “Holiday Humbuggery” E-dition, where we’ll criticize Scrooge for turning out to be a real wimp.
  • Thursday (December 25) we’ll be talking about the Corruption of Christmas during the Age of Obama, and we’ll be explaining that every day is Christmas for Liberals looking for more free stuff.
  • The first line of Friday’s (December 26) limerick is: “This time my New Year’s Resolution.”
  • And Saturday (December 27) we’ll be celebrating with our Annual “Cinci-Kwanzaabration” E-dition, featuring a special looting and burning section for Racial Activists and Left-Wing Apologists in the News Media promoting the Liberal Agenda, along with coverage of the candlelight vigil outside the Hamilton County Injustice Center praying for a last-minute stay of execution that would prevent Convicted-And-Sentenced Black Democrat Ex-Juvie Judge Traci Hunter from beginning to serve her jail sentence on Monday, December 29.

image058Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially David A. Pepper, who was elected to be the Ohio DemocRATS’ new chairman on Tuesday so the D-RATS can continue their losing ways after a year of political missteps and devastating losses.  Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us one example.

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WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE

 e-mail your revolutionary recaps today

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Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 


 Whistleblower Video of the Day

Antler Surprise

image058Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.


Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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Saturday, December 20, 2014

Checking the O-Meter

      image006According to Obama’s Orgasm Czar Cliticia von Climax, Sunday is World Orgasm for Peace Day, and tonight on Winter Solstice Eve, Obama even plans to go on TV to announce that all his Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Him In The White House—Twice,  who want an Orgasm, can keep it. But also at last night at our Good Friend Kenton Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ Eighth Annual Christmas Party at Jer Zees Pub and Grub at 708 Monmouth Street in Newport, word came that if there isn’t maximum participation across the nation, it probably won’t be an entirely pleasurable experience for everyone involved. For example… 

  • image009BARRACK OBAMA, whose wife Michelle beat the hell out of him after she read that National Enquirer story about Obama’s Secret Love Nest, won’t have an orgasm during his entire 16-day over-taxed payer vacation in Hawaii.   
  • HARRY REID, who says he won’t be able to screw Republicans in the Senate in 2015 the way he did in 2014, won’t have an orgasm.
  • VULNERABLE DEMOCRATS IN 2014, who lost running on Amnesty and ObamaCare, won’t have an orgasm.
  • POLLSTERS, getting tired of announcing results every day reporting Obama’s hit a new low, won’t have an orgasm.
  • image013WINNERS OF “LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES” AWARD, who are so busy covering up, won’t have an orgasm.
  • JOHN BOEHNER, who won’t even get a chance to try a little make-up sex with his constituents after ramming through his $1.1 Trillion “cromnibus bill,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • “BRONZE STAR BRAD” WENSTRUP, who along with Steve Chabothead, is still getting hammered by his constituents for rubber-stamping Boehner’s $1.1 Trillion “Cromnibus bill,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • STEVE CHABOTHEAD, who thanked The Blower for remembering he was one of Slick Willie’s Impeachment Managers, won’t have an orgasm. 
  • image016“MEAN JEAN” SCHMIDT, who’s wondering how many people plan to show up at her Christmas Party just to hear about her plans to return to politics, won’t have an orgasm.  
  • ROB “FIGHTING FOR SAME-SEX MARRIAGE” PORTMAN, who says “I really didn’t want to run for president anyway,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • DAVID A. PEPPER, who plans to show all those other Dishonest DemocRATS in Ohio how to continue their losing ways in 2015 and 2016, won’t have an orgasm.
  • HURLEY THE HISTORIAN, who says on this date in 1970, rock star Elvis Presley was drafted, won’t have an orgasm.
  • image015FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS, who are waiting for the next round of firings, won’t have an orgasm.
  • DIMINUTIVE DEMOCRAT MAYOR-ELECT JOHN CRANLEY, who says he can hardly wait to start planning the next phase of that stupid streetcar, won’t have an orgasm.
  • VICE MAYOR DAVID MANN who lied to get elected, won’t have an orgasm.
  • P.G.SITT-N-SPIN, who told both sides he supported them just to get the most votes, won’t have an orgasm.
  • CLOWNCILMAN KEVIN FLYNN-FLAM, who stabbed Cranley in the back after Cranley helped get him get elected, won’t have an orgasm.
  • image018CLOWNCILMAN SMLP SMITHERMOUTH, who says “The problem with some politicians these days is after they’ve been bought, they don’t stay bought,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • CLOWNCIL GAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK, who says, “You know you’re having great sex when you know you won’t be able to sit down afterwards,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP, who says “See what happens when you don’t have any Republicans candidates running for Mayor or City Clowncil,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • HAMILTON COUNTY DEMO-LABOR PARTY BOSS TIM BURKA, who says questioning “JayWalking image020Joe” Deters about his address was “Not Political,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • DEMOCRAT HAMILTON COUNTY COMMISSIONER ODD TODD OPPORTUNE, who says, “Please stop laughing when I tell you I’m thinking about running for Governor again,” won’t have an orgasm. 
  • CONVICTED-AND-SENTENCED BLACK DEMOCRAT EX-JUVIE JUDGE TRACI HUNTER, who wants mean-spirited Republicans on the First District Ohio Appeals Court to postpone her sentence during the Seven Days of Kwanzaa after she disregarded all of their contempt orders,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • DOWNTOWN PANHANDLERS, who say, “We can’t wait till we can ride around in a nice warm streetcar during the winter,” won’t have an orgasm. 
  • image022APATHETIC HAMILTON COUNTY VOTERS, who still have exactly the kind of government they deserve, won’t have an orgasm.
  • COAST’S LITIGIOUS LAWYER CHRIS FINNEY, who says “People really liked paying for the own food and drinks at my Chintzy Christmas Party,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • HAMILTON COUNTY’S DISINGENUOUS DOUBLE-DIPPING DEMOCRAT AUDITOR, who says, “Wait till you see the screwing you got when you read the “New Property Values” I just made up for your house, won’t have an orgasm.
  • FORREST GUMP SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT “SMILING DALLAS” JACKSON, who says “Now I can do whatever I want with all of that $103 million image024Tax Hike money that will really cost dumbed-down voters $170 million, won’t have an orgasm.
  • ANDERSON TOWNSHIP TRUSTEE JOSH GERTH AND ANDERSON TEA PARTY GUY ANDY PAPPAS, hoping voters will forgive them for selling them out on the School Tax Hike Scam when they save overtaxed payers all that money by closing down the Anderson Community Cable Station, won’t have an orgasm.
  • TEA PARTY PATRIOTS, who are now questioning the wisdom of allowing themselves to be absorbed by their local RINO Parties, won’t have an orgasm.
  • STATE REP-TILE PETER “THE BEST LEGISLATOR MONEY COULD BUY” $TAUTBERG, who hasn’t had an orgasm ever since he lost this year’s primary to “Taxkiller Tom” Brinkman, won’t image030have an orgasm.
  • BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO, who says “World Orgasm for Peace Day” should be a real holiday, since nobody’s going to get any work done anyway, won’t have an orgasm.
  • OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who chose Mae West’s “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away,” won’t have an orgasm.  
  • KENTUCKY SENATOR RAND PAUL, who doesn’t realize it’s not the US Embargo that’s hurting the Cubans, it’s the dictators, won’t have an organism.
  • image029ALISON WONDERGAMS GRIMES, who’ threatening to take Rand Paul to court to block him from running for president and reelection to the Senate at the same time in 2016, won’t have an orgasm.
  • KENTUCKY U.S. SENATOR BITCH MCCONNELL, who promises to be “Really Conservative,” when he gets to be Senate Majority Leader next year, won’t have an orgasm.
  • MCCONNELL’S UNSUCCESSFUL TEA PARTY CHALLENGER MATT BEVIN, who still argues, “No he isn’t,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • RICK “THE BATBOY” ROBINSON, who forgot to call us to sing Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song last night on the Fourth Night of Hanukkah,” won’t have an orgasm.
  • image032ATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH, who can’t wait till Hillary announces she’s running for president so he can start raising money for her campaign, won’t have an orgasm.
  • THAT CABAL OF NOKY ATTORNEYS STILL OUT TO DESTROY ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS INCLUDING LOVELY LISA WELLS (THE ATTORNEY WHO REPLACED CRAZY ERIC ON WLW HATE RADIO), who wonder wonders if “Crazy Eric” is still leaving a trail of victims in his wake, including clients and revolving-door “partners,” not paying judgments against him, and appears to be illegally practicing law, won’t have an orgasm.
  • OUR GOOD FRIEND, KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, who image026says people depicted in my newsletter don’t have orgasms unless it’s really dark, won’t have an orgasm.
  • “TRISH THE DISH,” who wonders if you’re supposed to have Orgasms to celebrate the Summer Solstice too, won’t have an orgasm.
  • FINALLY, BELOVED WHISTLEBLOWER PUBLISHER CHARLES FOSTER KANE, who says “When my doctor told me I had to give up half my sex life and I said which half, dreaming about it or talking about it,” won’t have an orgasm.

image027REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.                                                              


More Conservative Christmas Cartoons

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WORLD ORGASM FOR PEACE HOT LINE

e-mail your engraved invitations today.

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 Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers. 


WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Merry Christmas, Bitch!

image027Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.


Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as this brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.

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“Another Exclusive” by James Jay Schifrin

image040 Last week in Patronage County, Senator Mudslinger called his administrative assistant into his office. “Mr. Jackal,” the senator roared. “Go out and buy me a reporter.”

“A reporter, sir?”

“That’s right, Jackal—every politician needs at least one reporter to call his own.”

“But, senator. The last thing you need is one more reporter digging up dirt on you. The FBI caught you red-handed. You were a star on ABSCAM Camera for weeks.”

“The best defense is a good offense. I want somebody to ask easy questions so I’ll look good in the media for a change.”

“Where are we going to find a reporter like that?”

“Television reporters are best. They’re more interested in their hair spray than digging for the facts of a story.”

“How about a woman reporter?”

“Perfect, Jackal. They’re used to being bought. You’ve seen me do it a million times.”

“Do you have somebody in mind? How about the chick that does the newsbreaks on the Nitwitness News—where she’s sitting in the news room teaching guys how to type with two fingers.”

“No, Jackal, try the station with the vulture painted on the side of its helicopter. Call Betty Flaque, the girl who starts every report with ‘Tonight for my first exclusive…Remember last month when she announced that the world was round”

“But how can she really help us, Senator? Have you forgotten the ABSCAM hearings? You got your supeona this morning. How can she possibly make you look good?”

“We’ll leak her that juicy rumor about how my opponent impersonated me accepting money from rich Arab businessmen in front of the FBI cameras.”

“Nobody’s stupid enough to believe that, Senator. The newspapers laughed at you when you tried to get them to use it.”

“That’s why I want you to call Betty Flaque. A little flattery about her work, some patronizing remark about womens’ lib, and she’ll forget everything she ever knew about reporting.”

“And if that doesn’t work, Senator?”

“Then maybe a pat on the fanny would do the job.”

image027This op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 10, 1980.


Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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Friday, December 19, 2014 

Support Your Local Impeacher

           image005Hurley the Historian reports today is the sixteenth anniversary of the day the House of Representatives voted to impeach Pants-Dropper-in-Chief William Jefferson Clinton for the high crimes of committing perjury and obstruction of justice while in office.

Today, as a few more Congressmen are finally beginning to understand how all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, have allowed Obama’s lawless conduct to ruin America for the past six years, the ONLY WAY to do something about it throughout the next 762 days of the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term would be at long last to have the courage to use the dreaded “I-Word.”

As The Blower predicted yesterday, there probably won’t be any impeachment of Obama anytime soon, because John Boehner and his RINOs in the House along with Bitch McConnell’s Surrender Monkeys in the Senate are too busy caving in to Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS every chance they get.

  • image008TODAY’S “LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES” AWARD WINNER is the DemocRAT Senatorial Campaign Committee, which sent out a fundraising letter on the day before the anniversary of Slick Willie’s Impeachment, supposedly from Hillary Clinton who purportedly said, I’ve seen Bill take on many roles over the years – from father to grandfather, from public servant to philanthropist – but everything he’s done in his life has been tied together in his belief that if we work together, tomorrow can be better than today.”

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

image012It’s Real Republican Congressman Steve Chabothead, one of the managers at Slick Willie’s Impeachment Trial, who set out the legal requirements of perjury and accused the president of meeting all of them.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting Impeachment for Lying Bastards in the Oval Office, is pleased to permit Ohio’s Distinguished First District Congressman to be today’s guest editor and choose three items plus a little Political Quiz for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.

NOTE: The Blower is still waiting for the Old Chabothead to send us those Republican Talking Points explaining why he and Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup rubber-stamped RINO Speaker of the House John Boehner’s $1.1 Trillion “cromnibus bill” that contained provisions designed to eliminate the TEA Party as a viable threat.


  • “OBAMA’S CUBAN OVERTURE” by Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen

image014Once the murderous regimes of Mao in China, Ho in Vietnam Nam, Pol Pot in Cambodia, Ceausescu in Romania, etc. have passed, and forward-looking leaders replace them…..then movement toward better relations with America can certainly benefit the people of a socialist state.

However, if the dictator is still there with no desire to be friends with the US, it is foolish for us to throw up our hands and surrender. Cuba supports anti-American activities throughout Latin America, is the safe haven for Iranian infiltration, oversees and counsels the destruction of Venezuela, Launders boycotted arms to North Korea, etc. etc.

The uninformed say but trade will make them friends. IT IS A PRISON!!!! Doing business with a prison doesn’t free the prisoners!!!

When France builds a hotel on that beautiful and once abundantly wealthy island…..it doesn’t benefit the prisoners. The employees are controlled by the state (warden). If some tourist even gives them a tip; and the prisoner/Cuban is caught with any foreign currency they are imprisoned. Trade doesn’t benefit the Cubans as in a free society. It benefits the Castro gang/mafia, if you will.

Cuba is a family owned and run plantation. Until the Castro brothers are replaced, free people should not empower their evil oppression.

But, what would one expect from the first president:
Whose Mother was a communist.
Whose father was a communist.
Whose step-father tired of him……removed him from his Muslim madrasah and sent him to his grandparents…..
Who in turn farmed him out to live with and be mentored by the Marxist Franklin Davis who while living in paradise (Hawaii) was a columnist in Chicago newspapers and leader in the Communist organization in Chicago…..where he eventually provided the contacts (Valerie Jarrett, et.al) who successfully ensconced him and them at the pinnacle of American power.

The Clintons (by Presidential waver) gave our rocket missile and targeting technology to China, an action that will bring even greater harm to the next generation of Americans than Obama’s desire to help the Castro gang.

Obama’s legacy will be the destruction of functioning governments in the Middle East and the gift of billions of dollars during the negotiations leading up to his final approval of a nuclear Iran.


  • “Brett Favre’s Wife” by Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall’s Wife, Whatever the Hell Her First Name Is

image016In a news conference, Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting Quarterback for the Green Bay Packers football team next season.

Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be the starting QB because she had spent 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers – even though she has actually never played football at any level from grade school up, never ran the offense of any team, nor ever played the game.

During this period of time, she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, the nickel package, man-to-man coverage, etc., so she is now completely comfortable with all the other terminology involving the Packers offense. A survey of Packers fans shows 50% of those polled supported the move.

Does this sound idiotic and unbelievable … or familiar to you?

Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be the President of the United States and 50% of DemocRATS polled agree.

She has never run a city, county, or state during her “career” as being Bill Clinton’s wife. When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has
eight years in the White House, my immediate thought was, “So does the pastry chef.”

When it comes to running the State Department, her biggest achievement was getting a US Ambassador and three other Americans killed, by pretending
terrorism had been defeated. Sometimes the facts can cloud the message, … sometimes the message ignores the facts.


  • “Today’s Top Ten List” by Larry the Redneck

image018They say there is good in everything, so I came up with the top ten good things that would happen if ISIS took over the country.

10. You can have as many wives as you want.

9. The XL pipeline would be built.

8. Cheap gas prices.

7. You don’t have to buy shoes anymore.

6. No more gun control laws

5. Mideast countries would now be our allies.

4. Nancy Pelosi would be relegated to servant status.

3. Gays would have to go back in the closet to avoid being beheaded.

2. Obama would have to leave the country to avoid having his head chopped off.

And the Number One Reason it would be good for ISIS to take over the country, you don’t have to look at ugly women anymore as they will all be wearing burkas.


  • AND A POLITICAL QUIZ By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach

image020So, you think you know where you stand, politically. Think again. The result from this short test may surprise you and give you some food for thought. You’ll be asked just 10 questions, and then it instantly tells you your score. It shows your position as a red dot on a “political map” so you’ll see exactly where you stand.

The most interesting thing about the Quiz is that it goes beyond traditional DemocRAT, Republican, and Independent talking points.

The Quiz has gotten a lot of praise. The Washington Post even said it has “gained respect as a valid measure of a person’s political leanings.” The Fraser Institute said it’s “a fast, fun, and accurate assessment of a person’s overall political views.” One university said it is the “most concise and accurate political quiz out there.”

image031Click here: World’s Smallest Political Quiz

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands, like the Stupid Streetcar Supporters who put together the Cranley Christmas Carol (Parts One and Two) last year.


MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL CARTOONS

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Stories We’re Working On

  • image025Obama Unconditionally Surrenders to Cuba
  • 2014 Lies of the Year
  • Your New Hamilton County Bogus Property Values
  • Traci Hunter’s Christmas Gift From Judge Nadel—A Toothbrush
  • White Guy Steals Eight Christmas Trees From Kroger
  • More Layoffs at The Fishwrap
  • Rob Sanders’ Christmas Party at Jer Zees Pub and Grub Tonight

Whistleblower Web Poll

image024This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said most ordinary Americans would be observing Christmas:
(A) Going to church: 2%
(B) Complaining about crappy presents: 2%
(C) Watching “A Christmas Story” on TV for 24 hours straight: 2%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 94%

image031Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!


Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

The True Meaning of Chri$tma$

image027This week, everybody who thinks the most important part of any Christmas present is the sales receipt, so you can return it and get what you really want, faxed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner from Price Hill is once again Ebeneezer Leach, who urges people to put all those garish flashing lights on their houses for Christmas because he owns all those shares of Duke Energy stock.

Ebeneezer wins a “Let’s Get Christ Out of Christmas” T-shirt, tips on how to tell if women you meet are naughty or nice, a pair of gigantic humping reindeer with moving lights for his rooftop, and that same rancid fruit cake he sent us three years ago. His winning limerick is:

The most fun this holiday season
Will be hugging your spouse and doin’ some squeezin’.
And don’t forget to say the blessing
When serving the turkey and the dressing,
Or good old St. Nick you’ll be displeasin’.

The most fun this holiday season
Once you find a good reason
To get into bed
While she gives you good head
Now that can really be pleasing.’

The most fun this holiday season
While the flu has us coughin’ and wheezin’
Is to stay warm and dry
Enjoying turkey and pie
Unlike bums under bridges whose asses are a freezin’

The most fun this holiday season
And I’m really not teasin’
With the new ban on smoke
You won’t have to choke
And you can go to a bar without wheezin’

The most fun this holiday season
Isn’t fruitcake and mistletoe teasin’
For when the weather is frightful
Staying home is delightful
That’s if your mistress is pleasin’

The most fun this holiday season
Will be to “occupy” Wall Street for no reason!
My friends and I love to bitch
And we just hate all the rich
Oh c’mon – you know I’m just teasin’!

And from the Anderson Laureate, who seems to be running short on the Milk of Human Kindness:
The most fun this holiday season
Will be staying inside where it ain’t freezin’
Then if I’m lucky
And my wife’s feeling plucky
I might get in a little squeezin’

But if she simply ain’t into the mood
Even though I’m laying there nude
Something else I’ll be tryin’
(Think of that guy we call O’Brien)
I’m sorry if that sounds too crude.

Or maybe just for the helluvit
I might try to remain celibate
Or I might decide to go
And act like a gigolo
And go out in the street and sell a bit.

I’m not really as weird as it seems
I just have these crazy man dreams
Can I help it if I’m male?
At least I’m not in jail
I am straight up, and ain’t got no schemes.

So anyway, let’s get back to the holiday
I mean, that’s what we’re discussing today
What’ll be fun for me
I’ll just have to wait and see
Who knows, it might be a roll in the hay?

And for our Folks in Kentucky we have:
The most fun this holiday season
Political favors just short of treason.
Even Ole Liquid Plummer
Would give Fletcher a hummer
For a political job, is the reason.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“This time my New Year’s Resolution”


WHISTLEBLOWER WISH LIST HOT LINE

e-mail your ridiculous requests today.

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Some Christmas-spirit-filled items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Christmas-spirit-filled items subscribers.


Whistleblower Video of the Day

Obama Loves Apologizing For America

image031Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.


Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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