Sunday, December 21, 2014
The Whistleblower Week in Review
- OUR NUMBER ONE PRESIDENTIAL IMPEACHMENT STORY THIS WEEK was when The Blower declared Friday “Impeachment Day in America” because Hurley the Historian reported on that date in 1998, Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton had been impeached for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice.
Five weeks later, on February 12, the DemocRAT-controlled Senate voted on whether to remove Clinton from office. Slick Willie was acquitted on both articles of impeachment.
- OUR NUMBER TWO PRESIDENTIAL IMPEACHMENT STORY THIS WEEK was now that it is sixteen years later, Spineless Republicans are still terrified of uttering the “I” word for any of Obama’s Impeachable Offenses because it backfired last time, even though it wouldn’t have backfired if those same spineless Republicans in the Senate had done their job!!!
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE PRESIDENTIAL IMPEACHMENT STORY THIS WEEK was when The Fishwrap once again failed to mention how wrong it was for Bill Clinton to stick his Peyronie’s-bent penis into a worshipful Jewish girl’s waiting mouth in the Oval Office when our Peyronie’s President campaigned for Alison Wondergams Grimes’ foolish attempt to unseat Kentucky Senior Senator Bitch McConnell in November.
- MONDAY in our Special “Truth About Santa” E-dition, The Blower said, “Without illegal wiretapping, Santa wouldn’t know if you’ve been naughty or nice!”
Yes, Virginia… Obama Really is Santa Claus
I am eight years old. Some of my little friends say “Obama is not really Santa Claus.” Papa says, “If you see it in The Blower, it is so.” Please tell me the truth; is Obama really Santa Claus? —Virginia O’Hanlon
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible to their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole truth and knowledge.
Yes, Virginia, Obama is Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if Obama were not Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
- TUESDAY in our Special “TEA Party Day” E-dition, The Blower said, “Let’s have a be a big national holiday for Conservatives!” and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
The History Channel says on this day in 1773, a group of Massachusetts colonists disguised as Mohawk Indians boarded three British tea ships moored in Boston Harbor and dump 342 chests of tea into the water. Now known as the “Boston Tea Party,” the midnight raid was a protest of the Tea Act of 1773, a bill enacted by the British parliament to save the faltering British East India Company by greatly lowering its tea tax and granting it a virtual monopoly on the American tea trade. —Hurley the Historian
That’s why we chose Bill O’Reilly’s “The TEA Party is simply a loose description of local activism driven by Americans who want smaller government and more self-reliance. That sounds like what the Founding Fathers had in mind, does it not?” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Will we win your “Liberals Tell the Stupidest Lies” Award for spending all day today comparing the historic Boston TEA Party to all those Racial Rioters all over America looting chanting “What do we want? Dead cops!” — Activists in the Classrooms and Left-Wing Apologists in the News Media Promoting the Liberal Agenda
And we’ll be calling them “Teabaggers” because it’s a vulgar slang term, if you know what we mean. —Liberals on TV
Is The Blower the ONLY member of the news media to capitalize all the letters in TEA Party? Maybe it’s because those guys used “TEA Party” ever since they helped publicize that first big “Taxed Enough Already” Rally on Fountain Square, back in 1990s. —Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski
- WEDNESDAY in Official “Vodkas and Latkes” E-dition, The Blower said, “We’re celebrating an eight-day miracle during one half-assed evening!”
Happy Hannukah, Everybody!
Last night was the first night of Hanukkah. Why do Jews celebrate this holiday anyway? Hanukkah Harry explains: “More than 2,000 years ago, Syria attacked Israel. We kicked their asses. The oil in the lamps burned for eight days. Now go eat some potato latkes (sometimes referred to as Jewish weapons of mass destruction) and play with your dreidel already.”
Speaking of Jewish toys, The Blower was corrected yesterday for saying “nothing rhymes with dreidel.” A caller said, “How about “ladle?” Amazingly, the call was from Judge St. Nick Nadel.
How will the City of Cincinnati be celebrating this important Jewish holiday? Most Jews in Cincinnati made their Exodus to the suburbs ages ago.
How do you pronounce “Hanukkah” anyway? Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, reportedly a part-time Rabbinic scholar in that story ages ago by Fritz Wenzel (when the president of Wenzel Strategies was but a mere political columnist for the Toledo Blade), says if you’re pronouncing it correctly, somebody will say “God Bless You.” Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose comedian Richard Lewis’ “Most Texans think it’s some kind of duck call.”
- THURSDAY in our Special “Impeachment Eve” E-dition, The Blower said, “Do you think today’s TEA Party members will even remember?”
To Impeach, Or Not To Impeach!
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on tomorrow’s date in 1998, Slick Willie was impeached for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. Do you think any of those Kneepad Liberals in the Press will be remembering?
According to the History Channel, after nearly 14 hours of debate, the House of Representatives approved two articles of impeachment against President Bill Clinton, charging him with lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. Clinton was the second president in American history to be impeached.
Five weeks later, on February 12, the DemocRAT-controlled Senate voted on whether to remove Clinton from office. Slick Willie was acquitted on both articles of impeachment.
Last year at the Mandela Memorial service, the Slickster said Mandela had taught him to forgive the Republicans who impeached him.
In a related item, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself in a mirror yesterday. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her. Finally, in desperation, she decided to call on God for help. “God, if you take away my love handles, I’ll devote my life to you,” she prayed. And just like that, her ears fell off.
- FRIDAY, in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower explained, “But It’s Still the Same Old BS!”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
It’s Real Republican Congressman Steve Chabothead, one of the managers at Slick Willie’s Impeachment Trial, who set out the legal requirements of perjury and accused the president of meeting all of them.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting Impeachment for Lying Bastards in the Oval Office, is pleased to permit Ohio’s Distinguished First District Congressman to be today’s guest editor and choose three items plus a little Political Quiz for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
NOTE: The Blower is still waiting for the Old Chabothead to send us those Republican Talking Points explaining why he and Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup rubber-stamped RINO Speaker of the House John Boehner’s $1.1 Trillion “cromnibus bill” that contained provisions designed to eliminate the TEA Party as a viable threat.
- SATURDAY in our Official “World Orgasm for Peace Day” E-dition The Blower said, “How many Druids does it take to scew in a light bulb? Answer: They don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles!”
Checking the O-Meter
According to Obama’s Orgasm Czar Cliticia von Climax, Sunday is World Orgasm for Peace Day, and tonight on Winter Solstice Eve, Obama even plans to go on TV to announce that all his Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Him In The White House—Twice, who want an Orgasm, can keep it. But also at last night at our Good Friend Kenton Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ Eighth Annual Christmas Party at Jer Zees Pub and Grub at 708 Monmouth Street in Newport, word came that if there isn’t maximum participation across the nation, it probably won’t be an entirely pleasurable experience for everyone involved. For example…
BARRACK OBAMA, whose wife Michelle beat the hell out of him after she read that National Enquirer story about Obama’s Secret Love Nest, won’t have an orgasm during his entire 16-day over-taxed payer vacation in Hawaii.
HARRY REID, who says he won’t be able to screw Republicans in the Senate in 2015 the way he did in 2014, won’t have an orgasm.
VULNERABLE DEMOCRATS IN 2014, who lost running on Amnesty and ObamaCare, won’t have an orgasm.
The Libtard Show
Libtard n. Combination of “liberal” and “retard,” or people who, intoxicated by being knowlegable and right about politics and economics, forget that they need to get actual real ordinary people to support them if their agenda is to be advanced. Often but not always rich, well meaning and with good insight to society’s problems, but naive about the mechanics of politics and utterly ignorant about how power actually works.
This Week’s Top Item On The Conservative Agenda
Today The Blower salutes Republican Former Vice President Dick Cheney for calling the Senate DemocRATS so-called Report on Torture “full of crap.” You can see that entire interview here.
- Other current items on The Conservative Agenda will just have to wait, including: Obama’s Leadership, The Clinton Legacy, Other Dishonest Democrats, Obama’s Secret Service, Biden’s Blunders, Obama Supporters In The Press, Democrats In Disarray, Polling For Trolls, Veterans, Racial Healing, Amnesty For Future DemocRATS, Baby Killing, and Making Sure Not To Hurt The Feelings Of All Those Murdering Muslim Bastards:
- Other Liberal Agenda Items will have to wait too, including: PC (If It’s Politically Correct, You Can’t Object), Tree Hugging, Keeping People From Smoking, Diversity Uber Alles, Unions Blues, Fanatical Feminists, Supporting Sodomy Rites, Global Warming: G-Uncontrol, Liberal Brainwashing In Schools, Voting Rights For People Who Are Too Stupid To Vote, Streetcars, Scalping the Washington Redskins, and Giving Away Free Stuff With Your Money.
TODAY’S “LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES” AWARD WINNER IS
Dishonest Independent-DemocRAT Maine Senator Angus King who was all bent out of shape after hearing eviscerated Vice President Dick Cheney’s comments about the CIA’s use of torture. King called the executive summary “shocking,” and said he was ”stunned” to hear Cheney’s comments to the contrary. “If he doesn’t think that was torture,” he said, “I would invite him anywhere in the United States to sit in a waterboard and go through what those people went through.”
The Feck Stops Here
METRO MOLE says these days, folks at The Fishwrap are busy worrying about if there will be any more furloughs and firings before the end of the year, as they all enthusiastically promote the current cause of the week on the Liberal Agenda.
This week, everybody was getting ready for next week’s hypefest over whether Convicted-And-Sentenced Black DemocRAT Ex-Juvie Judge Traci Hunter will begin serving her jail sentence on Monday, December 29.
Also this week, our Feckless Fishwrappers were also going after “That Evil Gerrymandering,” which unlike on Cincinnati City Clown-cil, allows White Republicans to hold a majority at the Statehouse.
The Blower’s surprised we didn’t see The Fishwrap quoting RaceBaiter Al Sharpton speaking out on this unspeakable evil, because, we remember what our Favorite Fishwrappers always say: It’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our area great, it’s our “Diversity.”
More Politics Unusual
- OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s “Today President Obama announced that the U.S. is working to improve its relationship with Cuba in an effort to normalize full diplomatic relations. For instance, today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops.” Conan O’Brien said, “Obama announced that he’s going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro.” And David Letterman said, “You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is back home in the United States. And we sent them some prisoners. The deal still has to be approved by President Obama and Bud Selig.”
- LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 10: Quote G. Gordon Liddy: “A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellowman, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.”
- GOING GALT: The phrase ‘Going Galt’ doesn’t simply mean getting angry. That would be “Going Postal.” It means having righteous indignation at the injustice of a political system that bails out individuals and institutions for irresponsible behavior and at the expense of those like you who prosper through hard work and personal responsibly.
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Christmas comes but once a year — and usually not accompanied by so much big news. Friday, just before he left for his over-taxed payer funded Christmas vacation, Obama announced the United States will make a “proportional” response to North Korea’s computer hacking and threat campaign against Sony Pictures that led to the cancelling of the film, “The Interview.” Earlier in the week, Obama announced his intention to end the 54-year-old U.S. economic embargo against Cuba. [READ MORE HERE]
- THIS WEEK IN PATRONAGE COUNTY, Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as our brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County. This week’s column titled “Another Exclusive,” which told about political attempts to influence the Press, first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 10, 1980, and was personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on who says according to the History Channel, on this date in 1970, rock star Elvis Presley was greeted at the White House by President Richard M. Nixon and amazingly, it wasn’t even an election year. Presley’s visit was not just a social call: He wanted to meet Nixon in order to offer his services in the government’s war on drugs. Presley died from heart failure in 1977, which the coroner’s report said was due to “undetermined causes.” Speculation abounded, however, that his death was caused by a lethal mix of a variety of prescription drugs and obesity.
- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose the portion of the notes taken at Nixon’s meeting with Elvis. (You can read that entire memorandum here.)
- SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read “The Alan Falfa Story.”
- MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today we have the “A Visit From St. Nick” from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, found in “Erotic Christmas Poems,” available at better sticky pages bookstores everywhere.
Ol’ Santa made a special stop
At a town up north named Nome
He found a real cute housewife
Whose husband wasn’t home.
- THE MUCK STOPS HERE: Everybody’s talking about all those prestigious holiday parties going on these days, except that Chintzy Christmas event put on by COAST’s Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney, where any political wannabee could get in for free, but you still had to pay for your own food and drinks. Not reported anywhere was the way Ohio Congressmen Steve Chabothead and “Bronze Star” Wenstrup were upbraided for caving in to Obama on ObamaCare and Amnesty when they voted for RINO Speaker of the House John Boehner’s $1.1. Trillion “CRomnibus” Bill (a combination of a Continuing Resolution and an omnibus spending bill covering dozens of federal agencies) without even reading it. The National Debt has gone up $3.8 trillion in 3.8 years under Boehner’s so-called “Leadership,” in case anybody’s forgotten.
- WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says according to Market Watch, the U.S. stock market ended a turbulent week punctuated with collapse of the ruble, gyrations in the oil prices and the Federal Reserve’s policy meeting, with the biggest weekly gain since October. Stocks rose for three straight session in the wake of the Federal Reserve’s reassurance that the rate increases would be methodical, while the central bank said it would be “patient” on the timing of the initial hike.
- THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone willing to help himself from the stores of others, but East Price White Guy Michael Denney who stole a John Deere utility vehicle loaded with eight trees from Kroger was not part of the Free Grain Party Movement.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice.
- FINALLY AT SATURDAY’S MEETING OF CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why so many people seem to have trouble finding those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County. “Do you think it’s because the Amish don’t have electricity?” Kane said.
“It’s easy to make jokes about the Amish,” Kane added. “They don’t get e-mail, and they’re not on Facebook, so they won’t know they’ve been offended.”
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
- Monday (December 22) The Blower will be featuring our Special “Winter Solstice Celebration” E-dition. while we’re continuing our countdown of the 760 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
- Tuesday (December 23) we’ll be publishing our Special “Early Christmas Eve” E-dition, and our Real Subscribers will be wondering if this year Obama’s Christmas card once again card fails to mention Christmas in their Real E-Mails.
- Wednesday (December 24) we’ll be bringing you our Special “Holiday Humbuggery” E-dition, where we’ll criticize Scrooge for turning out to be a real wimp.
- Thursday (December 25) we’ll be talking about the Corruption of Christmas during the Age of Obama, and we’ll be explaining that every day is Christmas for Liberals looking for more free stuff.
- The first line of Friday’s (December 26) limerick is: “This time my New Year’s Resolution.”
- And Saturday (December 27) we’ll be celebrating with our Annual “Cinci-Kwanzaabration” E-dition, featuring a special looting and burning section for Racial Activists and Left-Wing Apologists in the News Media promoting the Liberal Agenda, along with coverage of the candlelight vigil outside the Hamilton County Injustice Center praying for a last-minute stay of execution that would prevent Convicted-And-Sentenced Black Democrat Ex-Juvie Judge Traci Hunter from beginning to serve her jail sentence on Monday, December 29.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially David A. Pepper, who was elected to be the Ohio DemocRATS’ new chairman on Tuesday so the D-RATS can continue their losing ways after a year of political missteps and devastating losses. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us one example.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.