“Political Advance Work” By James Jay Schifrin

image025This week our Patronage County Commissioners were talking about all the planning that goes into getting ready for a visit from their local Congressman.

“Did you see where Hereditary Patronage County Party Boss Peter Principal called?” asked Commissioner Filch. “Word is, he’s bringing Congressman Windsock by for another meaningless photo-op.”

“I hope he doesn’t expect Patronage County Sheriff Buford Flogg to provide a motorcycle escort like last time,” interrupted Commissioner Swindle. “And the VFW says providing an honor guard just because our Congressman is a veteran is getting old, too.”

“I’ll make sure everybody on City Council is invited,” offered Commissioner Pilfer. “You know how the former mayor always gets his panties in a big wad whenever he’s left off the list.”

“But the most important thing is press coverage,” explained Commissioner Swindle.

“Then for sure we don’t want to invite Muck Raker, the political columnist for the Patronage County Innuendo. That guy’s an honest reporter and asks embarrassing questions,” added Commissioner Filch.

“But Raker always brings along his camera. We’re going to need pictures of this thing,” said Commissioner Pilfer.

“Not to worry,” assured Commissioner Swindle. “Lackeys in Windsock’s office always carry their cell phones, and the Congressman loves taking selfies for his Facebook page.”

image047This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.