SATURDAY, JANUARY 16, 2016
The Whistleblower’s 60th Annual Seediest Kids of All Campaign (Not Associated With The Failed United Way) Is Now Underway.
And we’re featuring some truly inspirational stories about the waifs and urchins we claim to have helped in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky, just so you’ll believe we actually give a big rat’s ass.
Why don’t we have a more traditional holiday guilt campaign like the rest of the news media? No charity made our publisher its president in exchange for free publicity and our endorsement, we don’t have a fat weatherman turned radio talk-show host who was never actually convicted of beating up his girlfriend, and all the really good dead celebrities other than Harriet Beecher Stowe, “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, and “BeanBall Jim” Bunning have already been taken.
Today, Little Eric D Is Our Seediest Kid Of All
As long as we can remember, The Blower has been telling you about Little Eric D, a lonely little troubled farm lad who lived in seclusion with his family in rural Boondoggle County, Kentucky, abusing and tormenting his family’s farm animals in a pitiful subconscious cry for help. No Kidding!
Little Eric D. grew up in the shadow of his family’s favorite, First Cousin Joey. As infants at family event, it was clear Joey was always the favorite. Joey was the first to be changed, the first to be fed, and last to be corrected. Little Eric’s earliest memories are of staring through the bars of his playpen with his diaper overflowing, at the other children playing and having fun.
So as Little Eric got older, the Seediest Kids of All arranged for WLW Hate Radio to offer Little Eric a part-time job where he could promote himself in lieu of a salary. Noted ACLU Attorney Scott Greenwood, Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders, and Judge Patricia Summe imparted valuable legal lessons, and Trash-Talking WLW Hate Radio Talk Show host Willie Cunningham even sold Little Eric a restaurant that would soon go out of business, all to help Little Eric achieve his lifelong dream as a WLW Hate Radio Enabled Trash-Talking Loudmouth Lawyer/ Restaurateur-Wannabe.
Unfortunately, to this day, Little Eric continues to find himself staring at everybody else having fun and never inviting him to play with them. Success for his First Cousin Joey has led to adulation and acclaim as a defender of society and civilization, but for Little Eric, growing up has meant only trying to defend the indefensible, leading to disdain among his peers and the public; sanctions, penalties, and threats of disbarment; failed political and restaurant ventures; as well as an extra large dose of the “Little Man Syndrome.”
Still, the entire Deters family is grateful to the Seediest Kids of All. But they really have you to thank, because it’s your guilt throughout the year which made it all possible.