FRIDAY, JANUARY 8, 2016

Elvis Wonders If It Really Worth Coming Back From The Dead For This!

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says today is Elvis’ Birthday, and all the schools and government offices in Northern Kentucky should be closed. Pictured here is the winner of this year’s Whistleblower Elvis Look-a-like Contest.

OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE selected Elvis’ “I have no use for bodyguards, but I have very specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.”

HAMILTON COUNTY REAL ESTATE TAXES: Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering says “Your Jacked Up Tax Bill is in the mail and you have until midnight on February 1 to get the money in, or our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.”

SPOILED SPORTS: Trash Talking Tailgater Tino Delgato says there are two NFL playoff games on Saturday. One is at Houston and the other is in Cincinnati. Houston has a retractable roof and is in a warm climate. Cincinnati did not put a retractable roof on and of course it is cold this time of year. Logic says to play the game in Houston at night and the game in Cincinnati during the day. Those 20,000 visiting Steelers fans in the stands will freeze. Go Figure!!!

Meanwhile, TMZ Sports reports Ben Roethlisberger is getting roasted for his history of sexual assault allegations — a Cincinnati radio station has issued a citywide Big Ben rape warning ahead of his playoff game against the Bengals.

And at the Whistleblower Newswire newsroom this evening, interns have been scouring the local media for any semblance of a reference to this WLW Hate Radio Spoof, and at press time we hadn’t found a single solitary mention. Sounds like another exclusive for The Blower.

Because 700 WLW Hate Radio actually aired this spoof alert: “The Steelers quarterback has been spotted in the downtown Cincinnati area. All females ages 18-40 are to use extreme caution, especially if heavily consuming alcohol. Males should also be on the lookout just in case.”

It goes on … “If you see Big Ben and he flashes little Ben you are asked to report it to authorities immediately.” There are more warnings, especially for chicks with boob jobs.

You gotta hear the whole thing. Bengals fans might find it hysterical. Steelers faithful and Ben himself … probably not so much. WLW tells us they plan to keep running it, at least through the weekend.

MASTURBATING MEMORIES: Our BFFs on Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Faux Facebook Page shared a memory from January 8, 2013, when The Blower published its Special “Kevin O’Brien Case” E-dition where “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ prosecutors were caught with their pants down, too!

You bet, Angry Andersonians were really outraged when when our Disgraced Ex Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien got off on a technicality for trying to get off in front of a Wellborn woman. Judge Fanon Rucker, the same judge who gave O’Brien a pass on his bond amount when he was first elected, said the evidence didn’t stand up in court when “Jaywalking Joe’s” assistant prosecutors, who were also caught with their pants down, failed to make the charges stick. “The Mad Masturbator slipped right through our fingers this time,” the Jaywalker sadly admitted.

KEVIN O’BRIEN MASTURBATION HOT LINE

e-mail your helpful hints today.

Some masturbating elected official items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally masturbating elected official, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.

Whistleblower Video of the Day

Kevin O’Brien’s Part-Time Job (Nobody Ever Knew About)