MONDAY, JANUARY 25, 2016

Happy Opposite Day, Everybody… 

          …when everything you say and do are supposed to be the opposite of what you really mean. If you say “yes,” you mean “no.” If you say “turn left,” you mean “turn right.” And if you say “I love you,” you really mean “I hate you.”

We’re not really sure who created Opposite Day, but some sources vaguely connect the holiday to President Calvin Coolidge. Coolidge told the press “I do not choose to run” in the 1928 election, which left everyone wondering if he really meant the opposite.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says also on today’s date in 1961, John F. Kennedy held the first live televised presidential news conference, and presidents of both parties have been telling us the opposite of what they mean on TV ever since.

THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Obama’s “If you like your health plan, you can keep it,” because all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, obviously don’t care if Obama means what he says.

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DONALD TRUMP says there is no way I’ll ever be elected President of the United States.

OBAMA SUPPORTERS IN THE PRESS say if you criticize Obama we won’t call you a racist.

DISGRACED EX-PANTS-DROPPER-IN-CHIEF BILL CLINTON is not coming to Cincinnati on February 12 to raise money for Hillary’s Legal Defense Fund.

PLANNED PARENTHOOD does not kill babies.

 SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’S TINA FEY (IMPERSONATING SARAH PALIN) didn’t say “I’m full of spice and I have a great rack.”

WHISTLEBLOWER BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says, “If your portfolio really looked good at the close of business today, it means Investors believe Obama is doing a great job handling the Economy.”

OHIO GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH does not already have his concession speech written.

SENATOR ROB “FIGHTING FOR SAME SEX MARRIAGE” PORTMAN says he’s confident Conservatives will support him.

CLERMONT COUNTY REPUBLICANS say Central Committee Chairman Howard Hines is not behind the plan to un-endorse Ohio Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup next week.

DIMINUTIVE DEMOCRAT MAYOR JOHN CRANLEY says thousands of Murdering Muslim Syrian Refugees will never be welcome in his city.

CINCINNATI CITY MANGLER “BALTIMORE HARRY” BLACK says Bankrupt Mahogany’s owner Liz Rogers will startr to pay that entire million dollars she owes over-taxed payers of Cincinnati really soon.

HAMILTON COUNTY TREASURER ROB GOERING says it’s OK if your jacked up property tax payment doesn’t get to his office before midnight on Ground Hog’s Day Eve, since they’d never charge you all that interest and a penalty just because your check arrives a few days late.

OUR MILLION-DOLLAR-MISTAKE MAKING DISINGENUOUS DOUBLE-DIPPING DEMOCRAT COUNTY AUDITOR promises if you don’t pay, we won’t publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.”

PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP says it’s OK if Colerain Township Trustee Greg Insco was just pretending he was endorsed by the Hamilton County RINO Party.

SUPPORTERS OF CONVICTED DITZY DEMOCRAT JUVENILE JUDGE TRACIE HUNTER promise not to riot when Judge Dinkelacker makes her do the perp walk after the Ohio Supreme Court says she must finally go to jail.

SUPPORTERS OF THE TROLLEY FOLLY say it won’t be the biggest boondoggle Cincinnati over-taxed payers have ever seen.

BELLIGERENT BLACK BLOGGER NATE “RHYMES WITH HATE” LIVINGSTON says very few people have ever visited the “Jail Joe Deters” Facebook page.

 DISGRACED EX-ANDERSON TOWNSHIP TRUSTEE KEVIN P. O’BRIEN says he never could have gotten his revenge managing the campaign of the Dishonest Disguised Obama Liberal DemocRAT who ambushed long-time Anderson Township Trustee President “In Russ We Trust” Jackson by telling a lot of lies and successfully convinced a big bunch of dumbed-down voters that she was truly “non-partisan.”

 OUR FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS say, “What the heck. Diversity isn’t all that important.”

IN PATRONAGE COUNTY,  People say every week when The Blower publishes one of their “Welcome Back to Patronage County” columns, we’re not really covering the news in Hamilton or Clermont Counties.    

CINCINNATI BUNGALS OWNER “MILLIONAIRE MIKE BROWN says with Marvin Lewis is still managing the team, the Bungals will be going to the Super Bowl next year.

AT THE CINCINNATI REDS, SENOR BOB CASTELLINI says his team will win at least one playoff game in 2016.

TEA PARTY PATRIOTS say they’re really getting organized this time so they can take over their county’s Central Committee by getting their people elected in every precinct.

THE FREE GRAIN PARTY says just because their motto is “Help Yourself!” it doesn’t mean they believe in stealing everybody else’s stuff.

BLUEGRASS GOVERNOR MATT BEVIN says only a great leader would speak at a Republican presidential forum in New Hampshire Saturday afternoon, less than 24 hours after declaring a state of emergency and activating the Kentucky National Guard to help residents stranded by a massive snowstorm.

ALSO IN KENTUCKY, BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO reports there’s no way Rand Paul will have a primary challenger in the Senate any more than Thomas Massie would ever have one for seat in Congresss.

FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane told Political Insiders, “Every day is an ‘Opposite Day’ for politicians, because you can always trust them to tell you the truth,” especially today on “Opposite Day.”

This is the Official “Opposite Day” E-dition. Any other “Opposite Day” E-dition you might possibly see is surely a fake.

TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIAR” AWARD GOES TO

Obama’s Clueless Secretary of State Imam Kerry, who is still defending the Religion of Peace, claiming Islam “utterly rejects” violence.

 OPPOSITE DAY HOT LINE

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 Some insincere items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally insincere subscribers.

 WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Opposite Day

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