TUESDAY, JANUARY 12, 2016

At This Point, There Were Only 1,138 More Delegates to Go

Last Friday in our “It Was Our ‘On To New Hampshire’ ” E-dition (Where We Said “You Shouldn’t Take It For Granite!”), Political Insiders learned how much things had changed since the first full week in January in 2012. Hawkeye Bureau Chief Jan Michelson said the Iowa Caucuses were finally over, with the tied results everybody predicted.

This Tuesday in 2012, the New Hampshire Primary was held, and with only another 1,138 delegates to go, another dozen delegates were up for grabs and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers E-dition looked something like this:

—Special “New Hampshire Primary” E-dition —

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

With only 300 more days until the 2012 Presidential Elections, would anybody like to hear who’ll be dropping out after Mitt Romney wins New Hampshire’s First-in-the-Nation Primaries tonight? — Noted New Hampshire Political Reporter Manchester Tadwell

Maybe that’s why we chose well-known Republican Martin Luther King’s “From the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire, let freedom ring.” —Your Quote for Today Committee

But if there was ever a question that the main stream media is nothing more than the propaganda arm of the DemocRAT party, you should’ve seen us hosting Saturday’s GOP Presidential debate. — ABC hosts Liberal Puppets Diane Sawyer and George Stephanopoulos

The United States does not believe Iran is actively developing a nuclear weapon. That’s why the Obama Administration prefers a diplomatic approach. —Obama’s Defense Secretary Leon Panetta

On this date in 1946, the first General Assembly of the United Nations, comprising 51 nations, convened at Westminster Central Hall in London, England. So whose bonehead idea was it to bring those parasites to the United States anyway? —Hurley the Historian

Please don’t ask how much over-taxed payers’ money was spent at Obama’s extravagant, Hollywood-created secret Alice in Wonderland Party at the White House with all those Americans still out-of-work. —White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard

When I find out who leaked the stories about our secret Halloween Party that the Liberal Media agreed to keep secret, it’ll be “Off with their Heads” time. —Michelle “Queen of Hearts” Obama

Disingenuous DemocRATS in Congress were all “very glad” and “proud” when Obama shredded the Constitution with his recess appointments without putting them through Senate confirmations. —House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi

Just because I attend a fund-raiser now and then, some people are calling me a “Cash Cow.” —Republican House Speaker John Boehner

Despite my SB5 Debacle, 2011 was my very successful first year in office. —Ohio GOP Governor John Kasich

Did anybody notice that I threw for 3:16 yards in the Denver Broncos’ miraculous win on Sunday? —Tim Tebow, back in God’s Good Graces

Hou-dey! —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. —The Seediest Kids of All

Please thank my friends at The Fishwrap for choosing my recent glamour shot for Sunday’s big puff piece. —That Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt

Politically speaking, “Mean Jean” has always been my role model. —Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin

What do you think about that new Gay guy on Cincinnati City Clown-cil’s push for domestic partners benefits? —Phil Burr-ass, Citizens for Community Values

Don’t be stupid, be a smarty. Come and join the Free Grain Party. —John Barfleycorn

Were we behind the curve on that water pollution story or what? —Fracking Fishwrappers

Please don’t ask why your Hamilton County property taxes are higher when your property values are lower. —Hamilton County’s Disingenuous DemocRAT Double-Dipping Auditor (who’s always allowed to run unopposed)

Please thank Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception for including us in his rendition of Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Birthday Bash. —Howard Wilkinson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin, Ohio GOP Governor John Kasich, Lady Ga Ga, Roseanne Barr, President of Iran, Mayor Mallory, Trish “the Dish,” Mitt Romney, Hillary, “JayWalking Joe” Deters, Foxy Roxy, Vladimir Putin, “Millionaire Mike” Brown, Obama’s Babe, the Birthday Boy, Whoopi Cushion, Sarah Baby, and Bill Springerinham

I hope everyone had a chance to celebrate my 70th Birthday on Sunday. —Former Ohio Governor Boob Taft

We threw a huge Birthday Party for our idol Governor Boob Taft! —Republicans for Higher Taxes

I’m going to raise some taxes in honor of Boob Taft. —Virg “The Scourge” Lovitt

I can’t wait to be Governor, because I’m just like Boob Taft. —pro-ACORN Secretary of State Jon Husted

I polished my 2011 Tax Hiker of the Year trophy, in honor of the great Governor Boob Taft. —Tax Hikin’ Rick Bryan

I hope everyone appreciates the 0 playoff wins I’ve delivered in my 21 years as Bungals Owner. Now give me all your money. —Greedy Millionaire Mike Brown

Yes, sir! Yes, Sir! Three bags full! —Greg “Tax Hike” Hartmann

The Blower was right. That Kevin O’Brien on my docket (Case DR1102097) is the same the Disgraced Anderson Township Trustee who still won’t apologize for breaking the law. —Judge Elizabeth Mattingly

Many of our members are wondering if they’ll be included on the Whistleblower’s Official List of the Top 50 Most Fascinating People in Anderson Township later this year. —Anderson Chamber of Commerce, Executive Director Eric Miller

Thanks for keeping my undisclosed whereabouts secret during my mysterious absence. —Clermont County Commissioner Archie Wilson

The reason we don’t have much Northern Kentucky News this morning must be because everybody’s out buying presents for Miss Vicki’s Birthday Party tomorrow. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo

Will that Chippendale guy be popping out of my cake again this year? —Miss Vicki

How many Northern Kentucky public employees will become “pension millionaires” once they retire? —Over-Taxed Payers United of America

People wonder when my head flunky Chris Warnerford goes part time if I’ll still pay him his gigantic salary, especially since I brought him in last January at a salary 30% more than 15-year veteran supervisors. —Kenton County Judge Arlinghaus

Does a Northern Kentucky teenager really expect his murder confession to be thrown out of court because he claims he didn’t know the word “attorney” was a synonym for lawyer when he was read his Miranda rights? —Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders

How smart was I to make fun of my legal sanctions from the Bluegrass Bar Association in my paid radio endorsement for some weight loss scam? —“Eric ‘Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator’ Deters

So what if I got caught burning city documents? So what if we are in the middle of a lawsuit? No one will ever be able to prove what I burned . . . or will they? —Vanilla Hills Miscreant Mayor Mike Martin

How cold is the temperature supposed to get this week? —Trish “The Dish,” TV 19 News

Sheree Paolello wants know how warm it is when I wear my winter wig. —Jack Atherton, TV5 News

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of overreaction by members of the news media to show that exploiting acts of violence for political purposes will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Left-Wing Journalist.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially Kneepad Liberals in the Press.