FRIDAY, JANUARY 8, 2016

An Excessively Egregious Endorsement

This week, while Ohio Republicans are watching all that 2016 Presidential Primary action in Iowa and New Hampshire because Ohio’s March 15 Presidential Primary seems a long way off, and Political Insiders are wondering if Ohio Governor John Kasich will be included in next week’s Republican Candidates Debate in Charleston, South Carolina, because of his really low poll numbers, the Ohio Republican Party didn’t do their “Favorite Son” any favors this morning when the Ohio Republican Party Central Committee stupidly “ENDORSED” Kasich 44-9, while no other candidates were even considered.

The Blower can hardly wait to see the bullshit press release with a quote from Chairman Matt Borges trying to make it sound like Kasich had actually won something.

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

Why, it’s none other than Ohio TEA Party Rabble-Rouser Tom Zawistowski, President of the We the People Convention, who last night predicted Ohio’s State Central Committee would demonstrate why Republican Primary voters will vote to elect Donald Trump or Ted Cruz in the March Primary. Zawistowski explained, “On Friday Morning, the corrupt Ohio ‘Republican’ Party is planning to vote to endorse John Kasich, proving that there is no Republican Party in Ohio, there is only the Kasich Machine. The surveys that I have done, and I have seen, show that John Kasich currently has the support of 12% of Ohio Republican voters who are highly likely to vote in the primary. By voting to endorse Kasich Friday, they are exposing the fact that they do not represent 88% of real Republicans, most of whom are supporting Trump or Cruz. This is why surveys show that 66% of all Republicans feel that they have been betrayed by their party leadership – because they have been. Their own actions are fueling the anger and resentment which will cause real Republicans to vote in droves for Donald Trump and Ted Cruz in March.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in promoting reasonable and responsible political concerns, is pleased to allow TEA Party Tom to be our Conservative Agenda Guest Editor and choose three Liberal Bashing items plus a politically incorrect Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.

“TOP TEN REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT” probably not by David Letterman

I voted DemocRAT because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever and whomever I want, so I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.

I voted DemocRAT because I believe oil company’s’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

I voted DemocRAT because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted DemocRAT because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I voted DemocRAT because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home quickly in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

I voted DemocRAT because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

I voted DemocRAT because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security, and benefits should be taken away from those who paid for them.

I voted DemocRAT because I believe that businesses should NOT be allowed to make profits for themselves.They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the DemocRATs see fit.

I voted DemocRAT because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who never would or could get their agendas past the voters.

I voted DemocRAT because I think that it’s better to pay billions for oil to people who hate us than it is to drill for our own oil because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish.

“THE AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT” by Sammy Slacker

Obama and the DemocRAT Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring people with no abilities (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Sen. Dick Durbin: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”

“Welcome to Hell, Mr. Obama!” by Our Late Night TV Jokewatcher

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately slides down to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

“No,” Obama said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, “Yeah man, I can handle this.”

The devil smiled and said, “OK, Monica, you’re free to go.”

DID YOU SEE THAT ONE COMING?

AND SOME QUICKIES from Jewbaca

In light of this week’s events, I think we should start a recurring, and on-going, thread of Mohammed Jokes.

I’ll start, but remember “jokes don’t kill people. Muslims offended by jokes kill people.”

And remember, stereotyping a person because of religion is not fair, be they a Christian, Jew, or a terrorist.

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.

MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL CARTOONS

TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIARS” AWARD GOES TO

Obama, who tried to Create an Illusion That He’s Doing Something to Keep People Safe when he ended his Gun Control Town Hall with “Part of my faith and hope in America is not that we achieve a perfect union, but that we get better. And we can do better than we’re doing right now, if we come together.”

No wonder Obama’s critics are calling his performance “Divisive” and “Disappointing.”

Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said Congressman Brad WenSchmidt isn’t worried after he voted for House Speaker Paul Ryno’s Trillion Dollar Omnibus Spending Bill:
(A) Only a few thousand angry phone calls so far: 2%
(B) Not even a dozen empty threats about someone running against him the 2016 primary: 1%
(C) Didn’t want to appear more Conservative than Steve Chabothead: 3%
(D) The Clermont County TEA Party is totally disorganized: 94%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

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