THURSDAY, JANUARY 7, 2016

Even Then, We Couldn’t Imagine All That Hype To Come in 2016

Think of how much things haven’t really changed since the first full week in January in 2012. It was our Special “Onward from Iowa” E-dition where the cost-per-vote was astronomical, and we were hopefully counting down the days of Dishonesty and Division remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s First Term, unless the First Black President in History was impeached.

In Des Moines, Hawkeye Bureau Chief Jan Michelson said the previous day was the one time every four years Iowa was politically relevant. That’s when Iowans were first in the nation to voice the presidential preference by trudging to their local caucus.

Noted Iowa Political Reporter Yspen Tadwell explained: instead of lining up to vote at the polls, voters from each of Iowa’s 1,774 precincts assembled in a public place (like a church basement or a high school gym) to discuss the candidates and pick who should get the primary nomination. And because Iowa is the first state to weigh in during the presidential campaign, it draws a lot of media attention and can have a significant impact on how a candidate does in subsequent primaries.

A big turnout had been expected on that Tuesday, at least by Iowa standard. Don’t forget, only Republicans were supposed to show up at Republican caucuses.

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Chico Marx’s classic line from “Duck Soup”: “A relaphant? Hey! That’s the answer…There’s a whole lotta relephants in the circus.”

That Tuesday, Mitt Romney said “We’re going to win this thing.” Rick Perry was asking Iowans “Are you better off than you were $4 Trillion ago.” Michelle Bachmann said she’d never eat another corn dog as long as she lives. And that day, with only “307” more days until the 2012 Elections, Newt Gingrich would be campaigning in New Hampshire on the following day, for support in that state’s primary election the next Tuesday.

In Washington, White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard said now that Obama, Michelle, and the kids had returned from their well-deserved $236,000-per-day Over-Taxed Payer Funded Hawaiian Holiday, Obama would be hopping on Air Force One to campaign in Cleveland against whichever Republican wins the Iowa Caucuses, and also against all Republicans and TEA Partiers in Congress.

In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders said Obama and his surrogates would probably return again during the next nine weeks, since Ohio’s primaries were scheduled for that Super Tuesday on March 6, in then-only 62 more days. Come to think of it, there were a whole lot of other local candidates running in those primaries we hadn’t even heard from.

Hurley the Historian said on this date in 1995, the 104th Congress became the first held entirely under Republican control since the Eisenhower era. Thanks to Newt Gingrich and his “Contract with America,” the Republican Party won majority control of Congress for the first time in forty years. These days, everybody’s waiting to see if Weeper of the House John Boehner caves in to Obama again on the next budget battle.

Hereabouts, some people were wondering if local governments would ever find ways to save money and become more efficient by sharing services. We saw Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception’s reaction to news that Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory and Hamilton County Commission President Greg Hartmann were putting together a high-powered group to study new sharing and consolidation opportunities.

John Galt said any over-taxed payers who were not satisfied with the way the local elected officials were spending their money and still lived in a Cincinnati zip code, were definitely part of the problem.

On that day in 2012, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said The Blower had received hundreds of calls from voters in Grant, Gallatin, Owen, Boondoggle, and Pendleton County who had friends involved in the biggest car pile-up in history on I-75 that Monday afternoon, asking if that wreck had been caused because Judge Once Moore used all those highway funds to buy that farm to build a trail system so Commissioner Dedden could have a nice place to ride his horse.

Ken said the reason the wreck happened was that the Judge was out campaigning in another county for Power Ranger Goof Doofus’s seat in Congress, and it wasn’t snowing there, so he didn’t call out the road crew until it was to late.

Concerned voters in the Kentucky’s Fourth Congressional District were asking why our Power Ranger would abandon his troops in the middle of a battle. He promised to go to Washington and fight for us, but when the bullets started flying, he retreated and came home.

Finally, at the previous day’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were doing their best not to tip off Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher about his surprise birthday party on January 7, and several people hoped organizers would do a better job keeping all those freeloaders and suck-ups away this year.