TUESDAY, JANUARY 5, 2014

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Thursday’s celebrity birthdays include three American icons: Millard Fillmore, 13th president of these United States; Paul Revere, the New England Patriot who rode through every Middlesex village and farm to warn that the British were coming; and of course, Our Very Own Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, Charles Foster Kane. —Hurley the Historian

Did you forget my birthday on Friday? —Elvis

I’m wondering if anybody will be wishing me an early Happy Birthday on my Faux Facebook Page tomorrow. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane

We’ll be trying hard to choose our lead story for the rest of the week: The Still-Not-Ready-For-The-Playoffs Bungals or Hyping our Winter Storm Warning. —Local TV News Directors

Only the Bungals would keep a coach for 13 years without winning a playoff game, including four in a row (2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014) where they played unprepared, uninspired, sloppy football. —Troublemaking Tailgater Tino Delgato

Please tell your Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Happy Birthday, since we’ll be mailing his re-estate tax bill on Thursday, the day of his birthday. —Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering

Wait till your Beloved Publisher sees what we did to his tax bill. We’ll just call it a “birthday” present. —Your Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor Who Was Also Permitted to Run Unopposed

This is the first tax bill where Angry Andersonians will get to pay a lot more taxes because that humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam foisted on them by now ALL THREE CURRENT Anderson Township Trustees, at least for the next 1,400 days. —Forrest Gump School Board members Randy Smith and Jim Frooman who ran unopposed for re-election in 2015 as a reward for their part “Smiling Dallas” Jackson’s $103 million building bond issue scam that would increase everybody’s property taxes by hundreds and thousands of dollars

Rand Paul says he won’t be dropping out of the Republican 2016 Presidential Primary Race on Kane’s Birthday. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo

The reason The Blower doesn’t have much Northern Kentucky News this morning must be because everybody’s out buying presents for Miss Vicki’s Birthday on Monday. —Alison Wondergams Grimes

That’s why we chose Robert Frost’s “A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” —Your Quote for Today Committee

Will that Chippendale guy be popping out of Miss Vicki’s cake again this year? —Cougars From Fort Mitchell

Please thank Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception for including us in last year’s rendition of Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Party After the After Party. —Howard Wilkinson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin, Ohio GOP Governor John Kasich, Lady Ga Ga, Roseanne Barr, President of Iran, Mayor Mallory, Trish “the Dish,” Mitt Romney, Hillary, “JayWalking Joe” Deters, Foxy Roxy, Vladimir Putin, “Millionaire Mike” Brown, Obama’s Mooch, the Birthday Boy, Whoopi Cushion, Sarah Baby, and Bill Springerinham

Clowns to the left of you, Jokers to the right, here we are, Stuck in the middle with you. —Long-time Whistleblower Persons of Consequence

How cold is it supposed to get this week? —TV 19’s “Trish the Dish”

Sheree Paolello used to always ask how warm it was when I wore my winter wig. —Jack Atherton, (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you wanted to knit me a head warmer)

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially RINOs in Congress.

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Celebrity Birthdays to show that always all that obsessing over celebrities is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially WLWT AnchorBabe Sheree Paolello (whose name we have to look up how to spell every time we use it).