SUNDAY, JANUARY 3, 2016
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN: Says on this date in 1995 the 104th Congress became the first held entirely under Republican control since the Eisenhower era. Thanks to Newt Gingrich and his “Contract with America,” the Republican Party won majority control of Congress for the first time in forty years. And with the RINOs we have running the party these days, we’re waiting to see if it’ll be at least another 40 years of Wandering in the Wilderness with the GOP taking control of both Houses of Congress after the 2014 Election.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose The Newster’s “You can’t trust anybody with power.”
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER said all those Late Night Comedy Programs were re-runs because of the holiday, but he did find something timely from last year when David Letterman said, “President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they’re gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope.”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 360 is to ask a Liberal what’s the difference between DemocRATS in Congress and a group of drunken sailors. Answer: About a trillion dollars.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Hope is dwindling, and a desire for change is in the air. Just 26% of voters think the country is headed in the right direction.
In the weeks since mid-September, the number of voters who feel the country is heading in the right direction has been at the 24% to 26% level more than half the time – at or near the low for the year.
More than a third of Americans say they are in worse financial shape than they were last year at this time, and most of them expect to be even worse off 12 months from now. As Obama enters his final year as president, voters are more critical than ever of his leadership abilities. His daily job approval ratings, meanwhile, remain in the mid- to high negative teens. [READ MORE HERE]
GOING GALT: The phrase “Going Galt” doesn’t simply mean getting angry. “Going Galt” means recognizing that you’re being punished not for your vices but for your virtues.
THIS WEEK IN PATRONAGE COUNTY, Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as our brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County. This week’s column titled “So Now You Know” first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 23, 1981, and was personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today, Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, is wangling for an invitation to Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Surprise Birthday Party, which is probably why he included it in his “Erotic Birthday Greetings,” available at better sticky-pages bookstores everywhere.
Birthday Greetings From a Grouch
I hear you’re having a birthday,
But I know not which one.
I do know that, however,
You’re too old to have any fun.
Tho once your hopes were high,
You’re now forced to aim them lower.
All you can do is sit on your ass,
And write that damned Whistleblower.
Note: Mrs. Kane enthusiastically assisted in the preparation of this poem.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER is still wondering if the Clermont County TEA Party is really going out of business. Roger Baxter e-mailed a reminder that there will NOT be a Clermont Tea Party meeting in January, but he claims as things continue to develop, he will keep everybody in the loop. Mr. Muck says those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. Apparently Podiatrist/Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup has forgotten who brought him to the altar of Congress. Just like Mean Jean Schmidt turned her back on her constituents and started listening more to the power brokers in Washington, Brad seems to have forgotten that his constituents have no use for the establishment and the agenda of Obama. This is why he has a challenge in the primary and his TEA Party opponent Jim Lewis sent an email reminding the Clermont County Central Committee of all of Brad’s sins. And if you think Lewis sent a scathing letter, you should’ve seen the one Kate Gunnell e-mailed on New Year’s Day.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read “Mike Brown Story.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says U.S. stocks had their worst annual performance since 2008, closing out a rocky year that tempered investors’ expectations for gains in 2016. The Dow Jones Industrial Average, a basket of 30 stocks, lost 2.2% in 2015, while the broader S&P 500 fell 0.7%. The S&P’s loss ended three years of double-digit gains for the index, but was far from the nearly 40% dive it took in 2008, a year of financial crisis.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and most Free Grain Party Members can hardly wait until the next Disingenuous DemocRAT Debate on January 17. The DemocRAT Nation Committee is hoping for the smallest possible TV audience. Do you think they plan to schedule their important event before the Iowa Caucuses at the same time as an NFL Divisional Playoff Game?
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT SATURDAY’S MEETING OF CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were definitely not asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about his Surprise Birthday Party on Thursday, because he’s not supposed to know about.
The reason it wasn’t a surprise last year was when the Whistleblower interns put up all those banners and decorations a week early. And the large sign in the front yard was a dead giveaway, too.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”
MONDAY (JANUARY 4) The Blower will be featuring our Annual our Significant Birthdays E-dition, and we’ll be interviewing all those celebrities who’ve already RSVPed to attend our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Surprise Birthday Party, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 381 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term unless he’s impeached.
TUESDAY (JANUARY 5) our Real Subscribers will be checking to see if their long-awaited Hamilton County Property Tax Bills have finally arrived.
WEDNESDAY, (JANUARY 6) we’ll be checking to see if Ohio Republican Governor John Kasich will be included in the “Main Debate” next week when they reduce the number of eligible candidates.
THURSDAY (JANUARY 7) is the date of CFK’s Big Surprise Birthday Party, and let’s hope they don’t run out of candles again this year.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JANUARY 8) LIMERICK IS: “So what should Conservatives do now?”
AND SATURDAY (JANUARY 9) we’ll be waiting to see if Marvin Lewis’ Underdog Bungals get to play the Dreaded Steelers one more time, or if they get to wait until Sunday.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioner getting ready for his re-election race against Anderson TEA Party Trustee Andy Pappas, as this Award Winning Illustration from Artis Conception’s Archives clearly shows.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Week
Girls Don’t Poop – PooPourri.com
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