SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2016
This Sunday in America…
… at the Church of The Compassionate Conservative, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, the Right-Wing Reverend Charles Foster Kane was asking his Political Parishioners to understand how God talks to us.
But first Kane told this famous joke.
A deeply faithful Christian man was stuck on roof at home with massive flooding up to the second floor.
A rowboat comes. The man says “No, I’m waiting for God. I prayed and I know he’s coming.”
A second rowboat comes and the man again said, “No, I’m waiting for God.”
A third rowboat comes and once again. The man says, “No, I’m waiting for God.”
Water rises. The man drowns. Now he’s meeting God in heaven.
The religious man says, “Where were you God? I prayed. I was faithful. I asked you to save me. Why would you abandon me?”
God says, “You stupid idiot, I sent you three rowboats. Are you blind?”
“Did you ever consider that Donald Trump is our rowboat?” Kane asked.
“Maybe God is trying to tell us something important–that now is not the time for a ‘nice Christian guy’ or a ‘gentleman’ or the usual Republican powder puff.
“Maybe now is the time for a natural born killer, a ruthless fighter, a warrior. Because right about now we need a miracle, or America is finished.
“Maybe the rules of gentlemen don’t apply here. Maybe a gentleman and ‘all-around nice Christian” would lead us to slaughter.
“Or do you want another Mitt Romney, Bob Dole, John McCain, Gerald Ford or Paul Ryan? Did any of them win? Did they lead the GOP to “the promised land?” Did they change the direction of America? No, because if you don’t win, you have no say.
“Paul Ryan couldn’t even deliver his own state, Wisconsin! And as leader of the House, Paul Ryan rolls over to Obama like my dog rolls over for a scrap of food, or a steak bone. Nice, but obedient. I mean Paul Ryan…not my dog. My dog is actually a pretty good defender and loyal.
“Maybe God is knocking on your door loudly, but you’re not listening. Maybe God understands we need a ‘war leader’ at this moment in time. Maybe God understands if we don’t win this election, America is dead. It’s over. The greatest nation in world history will be gone. Finished. Kaput. Adios.
“And with one last breath, maybe what we need to save us at the last second, is someone different. Someone you haven’t ever experienced before– because you weren’t raised in rough and tumble New York where nothing good gets accomplished unless you’re combative, aggressive, outrageous, on offense at all times, and maybe just a tad arrogant too.
“Someone with a personality you’ve never seen on stage at your church. Maybe, just maybe, being a nice gentlemanly Christian would not beat Hillary and her billion dollars, and her best friends in the media who will unleash the dogs of hell upon the GOP nominee.
“I guess you think God is only nice and gentlemanly. Really? Then you’ve missed the whole point of the Bible.
“When necessary, God is a pretty tough guy. When necessary, God strikes with pain, death and destruction. When necessary, God inflicts vengeance.
“Maybe you think God couldn’t possibly be associated with someone like Trump.
“Trump is too vicious, rude and crude.
“When we won WWII, was God “nice?” Were we gentlemanly when defeating Hitler? Were we gentlemanly when firebombing Germany? Were we gentlemanly when dropping atomic bombs on Japan? Is God ever “nice” on the battlefield? Or does he send us vicious SOB’s like General George S. Patton so the good guys can defeat evil?
“It’s pretty clear to me God sends unique people to be “war leaders.” That’s a different role than a pastor or church leader. God understands that.
“And maybe it’s time to re-define ‘nice.’ Maybe Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan aren’t nice at all–because they led us to defeat. And losing again would mean the end of America. And God can’t allow that.
“Maybe Romney and Ryan mean well, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Or maybe they’re just jealous they had their chance and blew it. Maybe they’d rather help elect Hillary than allow a Trump victory that would make them look weak, feckless and incompetent.
“Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” (Isiah 40:30-31)
“God is about Miracles. We don’t need a ‘nice guy’ or a ‘gentleman’ right now. It’s the fourth quarter and we’re losing 14-0. We need a Miracle.
“So let me repeat my message to everybody: “YOU’RE MISSING THE BOAT.’
“I believe Trump is our Miracle. I believe Trump is our rowboat. Except he’s more like a battleship!
“No one is saying Trump is perfect. No one is saying Trump is a perfect conservative. But he is a patriot. He is a warrior. He is a capitalist. He is the right man, at the right time. Yes, sometimes he’s rude and crude and offensive. But that may make him the perfect warrior to save America, American exceptionalism, capitalism, and Judeo-Christian values.
“The choice should be easy for anybody with half a brain.
“Unfortunately in sixteen days, it’ll be Trump…or it’s the end of the American dream.”
