SUNDAY, MARCH 26, 2017
THIS WEEKEND FROM FLORIDA, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken Camboo says he doesn’t have a whole lot to report, since all of his snitches have not yet returned from ogling young women during Spring Break.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on tomorrow’s day in 1998, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved use of the drug Viagra, an oral medication that treats impotence.
OUR GOOD FRIEND BOBBY LEACH says “Next to BB&BJ Day, all my old friends and I say Viagra Day at Morehead is our favorite holiday of the entire year.”
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Rodney Dangerfield’s: “I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice so I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says voters remain confident that Judge Neil Gorsuch will be approved for the Supreme Court and think he deserves it more than Obama’s nominees did at this stage of the process. Opposition to Gorsuch is seen as driven more by politics than concerns about his judicial thinking.
THURSDAY, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS WERE STILL TAKING CHEAP SHOTS AT TRUMP, LIKE JIMMY FALLON’S: The vote on the Republican healthcare bill was delayed today because they didn’t have enough votes to pass it. When he heard that, Obama called Trump and said, “Don’t worry, Obamacare covers depression. So don’t worry about it.”
JAMES CORDEN: Today the House Republicans were furiously working to get enough votes to pass the healthcare bill to replace Obamacare. As it stands, they may not have enough, and the vote has been postponed. Right now, it’s not looking good. The bill is basically on life support — and like most things on life support, Republicans will probably deny it coverage.
JIMMY KIMMEL: The president went all out for this bill, but hardline Republicans hated it because it offered too many benefits. Moderate Republicans hated it because it cut too many benefits. Hospitals hate it because they stand to lose money. Insurance companies hate it because it can blow up the markets, and voters hated it. Basically the only people who were OK with the plan were Donald Trump, Paul Ryan, and Chuck Berry. I happen to know that Chuck would have loved that joke, may he rest in peace.
SETH MEYERS: Press secretary Sean Spicer said today that the White House was optimistic about the chances of the Republican healthcare bill, but, quote, “At the end of the day, we can’t make people vote.” [shows photo of Hillary] “Tell me about it,” said one woman.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (THE ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN). Just in time to enjoy the warmer Spring weather, we found this in his “Turning the Other Cheek,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ready for Spring
Spring is finally here
Say goodbye to the snow.
So let’s break out the old Johnson
And let’s get on with the show.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says an Able-bodied Fire Fighter, who was recently promoted at a Suburban Fire Department, was fired for some accounting irregularities, along with some missing Green from the part-time Fire Fighter Fund. Can you guess which Suburban Fire Department that was?
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week’s Seediest Kid of All was Eldon Pudpuller. (See the whole story HERE)
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “PROFITING FROM EXPERIENCE,” our three Corrupt Commissioners from Patronage County were recalling that time many years before they borrowed a county car to cross the Great Divide and join the overflow audience at the Gannett Foundation Distinguished Felons Lecture Series at Thomas More College. The star attractions were Watergate conspirator John Dean III and Senate Watergate chief counsel Sam Dash, reflecting on Watergate a decade earlier. This op-ed column was updated from the April 28, 1982 edition of the feisty Mt. Washington Press, personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #91 says you should turn up at your local Muslim outreach program by wearing an “I’d rather be Waterboarding” t-shirt.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says this week: The House voted to approve health care measures that aren’t included in the broader ObamaCare replacement package, including a bill to allow small businesses to band together and offer coverage to employees as well as a bill to apply anti-trust laws to the health insurance industry. The Senate approved the nomination of David Friedman to serve as Ambassador of Israel and passed a bill to repeal a Federal Communications Commission rule establishing new Internet privacy standards.
Next Week: Both the House and Senate will keep their schedules open to accommodate votes on legislation to repeal and replace Obamacare, if needed.
Next Week: The House will take up some smaller health care measures that aren’t included in the broader ObamaCare replacement package, including a bill to allow small businesses to band together and offer coverage to employees as well as a bill to apply anti-trust laws to the health insurance industry. The Senate will address various regulatory issues.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and Conservatives in the House scuttled Paul Ryan’s ObamaCare Bill because too much FREE stuff was included.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if it was hard to believe that Women’s History Month was almost over, since so far The Whistleblower has only been able to mention a smidgen of the worthy women we had wished to honor, including all those floozies Jerry Springer would still like to boink, Left-handed Lithuanian Lesbians, and young girls with Major Yabbos on Florida beaches during Spring Break. “We’ve always treated women fairly in The Blower,” Kane explained “Some of our best Snitches are Bitches.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Cincinnati’s Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley, who recently announced his Sanctuary City intentions. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us Cranley on his way to his in-Laws for dinner.
AND COMING UP DURING THE REMAINDER OF “WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH”
MONDAY (MARCH 27) we’ll be returning from Spring Break, waiting to see what else is accomplished during the remaining 34 days of Trump’s First 100 Days in Office.
TUESDAY (MARCH 28) we’ll be rehashing what could’ve been in this year’s March Madness for Cincinnati, Xavier, Kentucky, and NKU, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers will tell us what they think of all that.
WEDNESDAY (MARCH 29), we’ll be telling you which local publication is NOT on The Blower’s Official FAKE NEWS List.
THURSDAY (MARCH 30) we’ll we almost ready to say good-bye to Women’s History Month.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (MARCH 31) LIMERICK IS “There once was an Old April Fool.”
AND SATURDAY (ARRIL 1) we’ll be featuring our Annual “Mea Culpa” E-dition, and unlike politicians, when we apologize, we really, really mean it!
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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