Last Saturday Was Honesty Day, Everybody…
and everybody was waiting to see if some politician opened his mouth and spoke the truth. The Blower was betting that wouldn’t happen. American politics is a world where no one says or does what he means because politics runs on lies and deceit. So how funny was it that a day dedicated to “Honesty” had been created, which has been ignored by all politicians on the 30th of April each year? Maybe that’s why COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney and former Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Curt Hartman (who argued for Politicians’ Right to Lie before the U.S. Supreme Court last year) planned to sleep in last Saturday.
Does anybody remember when Obama accidentally told the truth all about those Black Thugs in Baltimore looting and burning, Racist Black Baltimore Councilman Carl Stokes won that day’s Stupid Liberal Liar Award for claiming that Obama’s calling Rioters and Looters “Thugs” was the same as calling them “Niggers.”
And when America’s Mayor Rudy Giuliani explained how he would have kept that riot in Baltimore from happening, he wondered where that city’s elected officials got off complaining about the city’s policies since Dishonest D-RATS have been running the place for more than four decades. Come to think of it, it’s been 42 years since Buckwheat Blackwell was the last Republican Mayor in Cincinnati (1979-1980). Our good friend, Cincinnati’s Greatest Police Chief Ever, Tom Streicher remembers Charlie Luken was the Disingenuous D-RAT in charge during Cincinnati’s Race Riots in 2001 and over-taxed payers are still paying for that.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on last Saturday’s date in 1945, holed up in a bunker under his headquarters in Berlin, Adolf Hitler committed suicide by swallowing a cyanide capsule and shooting himself in the head. You have to say this about Adolf—he knew how to be thorough, sort of like a guy who wears a belt and suspenders to keep his pants up. And wasn’t it ironic that Hitler killed himself on a Jewish holiday? Part-time Rabbinical Scholar Charles Foster Kane says, “Any day Hitler killed himself would’ve been a Jewish holiday, just like the day if Trump would ever finally drain the Swamp and Obama and Hillary would be indicted.
WHISTLEBLOWER WANNABE AND STATE-REPTILE JOHN “BUDGET HAWK” BECKER remembers when he received the Annual William Wilberforce Award from Citizens for Community Values for speaking out “Honestly” on difficult issues. The Blower wonders what award Becker will get this year after he put out a press release this week denying that he fears fags and has never taken it in the rear by a queer.
FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS say it’s really hard to be “Honest” when you have to be so willfully biased pushing the Liberal Agenda. Meanwhile, The Blower remembers when America’s largest newspaper publisher Gannett laid off a large number of employees, but things appeared to be quite rosy at the top. An internal team-building video has surfaced that’s raising quite a few eyebrows: it’s a parody of the LEGO Movie song “Everything is Awesome,” featuring company CEO Gracia Martore as the band leader. Mike, the reader who sent in this Video, writes: “As a former photojournalist myself, I love how they have money to produce bizarre videos like this as they cut staff.”
SPEAKING OF HONESTY: Way back when, in The Original Whistleblower edition that came out April 30, 1991 (before there was an “Honesty Day”), our Top Ten List was the things Disgraced D-RAT Marvin Warner should do on his first day in prison. We showed our bad taste even then. Judge Reuhlman has since become The Greatest Judge In Hamilton County History. To See the entire Edition #48, CLICK HERE
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how they should spend Honesty Day. Somebody suggested the most obvious thing to do on Honesty Day would be to be very honest with others as well as yourself. You could be introspective about the way you’re living your life and how you deal with others. If you are honest with yourself, you will probably find some room for improvement which may result in a better you.
Somebody else said the best thing to do on National Honesty Day would be to spread the word of honesty around. You could arrange to meet and talk to people about the virtues of honesty and enlighten them about how easy it is to be honest.
A third person said a good thing to do would be a find a person you’ve not been entirely honest with and clear your conscience by behaving honestly about the matter and try to clear it up. “Yeah, right,” Kane said. “And next year they could change the name of ‘Honesty Day’ to ‘Stupid Guy Who Really Deserved to Get his Ass Kicked Day.”
Charles Foster Kane has always prized “honesty” above all else. That’s why Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception once depicted Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher as Diogenes, searching unsuccessfully for the Truth many years ago at Cincinnati City Hall.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Noel Coward’s “It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Charlie Luken, back during those riotous days when he was ruining the City.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by another generous “in-kind” donation during our April fund-raising drive by Abbott Laboratories, now marketing a new form of Sodium Pentothal you don’t need permission from the DEA to buy.
HONESTY DAY HOT LINE
e-mail your integrious instagrams today.
Some totally honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally totally honest subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER HONESTY VIDEOS
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Note: people who work in government offices should be receiving The Whistleblower on their home computers because we do not approve of public servants wasting time reading this trash on over-taxed payers’ time (except when you have something to snitch).