THURSDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2021
TRUMP’S THREE-HUNDRED-AND-THIRTIETH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
Tonight We’re Remembering Our “Re-gifting Guide” As Reported In The Blower’s December 13, 2016 E-dition
In Washington, They Re-gift Your Own Tax Money
GIFTS YOU CAN’T AFFORD: In DC, our Washington Watchdog says Congress passed a two-week funding bill Thursday, staving off a government shutdown a day ahead of the deadline. But lawmakers face a turbulent next few weeks as they try to clinch a broader budget deal by the end of the year.
The resolution sailed through the House on Thursday afternoon, with 235 representatives in favor and 193 opposed. The Senate sent the bill to President Trump just over an hour after passing it by an 81 to 14 vote, barely a day ahead of the Saturday deadline by which the government runs out of money.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says this week in 1992, U.S. Marines stormed into Mogadishu, Somalia, to spearhead a multinational force aimed at restoring order in the conflict-ridden country, but if Obama had been president during that disastrous endeavor, he would’ve said it was time to open a dialogue with the Somali warlords without preconditions.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE fremembers when Obama stated that “During his adnministration, no foreign terrorist organization had successfully planned and executed an attack on our homeland.” Talk about something actually deserving of being labeled as “fake news.”
Meanwhile, there was still a way for Obsessive Obama Supporters like Tom and Rose to show their love for our Obamessiah during the Christmas Season. That’s why this limited edition “Obama Village Idiot” ornament for only $28.99 plus God only knows how much for shipping and handling, would look so great on your Obamamas Tree, as Obama Supporters in the Press continue to promise their millions of gullible followers, it will still be just like “365 More Days of Christmas” during Obama’s third term. Proceeds will benefit Obama’s Defense Fund.
And thanks to our Secret Santa for our new “Trump Keep America Great” Cap is a perfect fit.
WHISTLEBLOWER HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE:
This seems to be a pretty good gift for your favorite elected official.
Now for those of you planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman at “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party at Jack casino in downtown Cincinnati, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to celebrate her return to politics as soon as she’s endorsed by the Central Committee of the Clermont County Republican Party, let’s all sing the fifth verse of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by Lt. Colonel Danny Bubp-kis, about whom “Mean Jean” lied on the floor of Congress and she wound up as a laughingstock on “Saturday Night Live.” It goes something like this:
On the Fifth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
It’s really beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, isn’t it, Portman.
Now here’s an update on that Company Christmas Party you’ve been reading about in The Blower:
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the December 23 off with full pay.
KWANZA KLAUS with only 15 more shoplifting days until Kwanzaa, Cincinnati’s violent crime rate is one of the highest in the nation, across communities of all sizes (both large and small). Violent offenses only used to track rape, murder and non-negligent manslaughter, armed robbery, and aggravated assault, including assault with a deadly weapon. But now not wearing a mask is also included.
NoKY NEWS: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said last year when he called the Adams County (Ohio) Travel and Visitors Bureau in Ohio, to get directions to those Amazing Amish Christmas Lights near Squirrel Town, it reminded him to tell readers that Rick “The Bat Boy” Robinson now has his pet squirrel “Nutsy” tastefully decorated for Christmas
MORE HOLIDAY MAGIC: Another Holiday Party Rick never misses is the Annual World Orgasm for Peace Day Orgy at the Fort Mitchell County Club, co-sponsored by Uptight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell and the Northern Kentucky Cougars’ Association. That godless pagan event is on December 21, just in time for Druids to celebrate the Winter
Solstice. Several years ago Marvin the Mayan said he’d like to come too, because if the world did actually come to an end on December 21, he’d like to go out with a gang bang. Then everybody watched “Getting into the Holiday Spirit with Eric and Nicole.”
Finally, IS IT CHRISTMAS YET?
For the past many years, Wreaths Across America has volunteered to place beautiful Christmas wreaths on the tombstones of fallen soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery — the burial ground for nearly 400,000 veterans. Yet the nonprofit organization is facing a shortage of 25,000 wreaths this year and could use some help.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our December fund-raising drive by the Scrooge and Marley’s Counting House.
OFFICE PARTY HOT LINE
e-mail your extortion photos today
Some party-crashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally party-crashing subscribers.
Today’s Whistleblower Patriotic Video
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.