FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2023
TRUMP’S NINE-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY-EIGHTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND WHEN CONFUSED ILLEGITIMATE RESIDENT JOKE BIDEN* LANDED IN ISRAEL, HE IMMEDIATELY ASKED ‘WHAT AM I DOING NOW?’
But It Seems Like Most Everybody Else Did
WHISTLEBLOWER RELIGIOUS EDITOR FIELDING MELLISH remembers that Jewish New Year when it was the first time ever we hadn’t received phony baloney e-mails from every politician in the universe wishing us a “Happy Jewish New Year”. One year earlier we had to watch Obama, Hillary, and all those Disingenuous D-RATS supporting Obama’s Stupid Deal with Iran to Destroy Israel. We didn’t even get a Happy Jewish New Year card from Rob Portman, looking for the Jewish Same-Sex Marriage vote.
But in 2017 year, we saw Donald Trump Making Presidential High Holy Days Greetings Great Again
This year everybody’s wondering if there’ll be a mention of the Jewish New Year on the front page of The Liberal Conspiracy Fishwrap?
But what do the Goyim know about celebrating the Jewish New Year, anyway? The Blower remembers that time at the Hamilton County RINO Party, when Alex T., Mall Cop GOP sent out an e-mail dated “September 24, 2014” instead of sending out an e-mail dated “Tishri 1, 5775.”
It’s a good thing Hamilton County Republicans and D-RATS didn’t schedule a pair of Really Important Hamilton County Debates on the Erev Rosh Hashanah like they did that year featuring Candidates Odd Todd Opportune versus Andy Pappas and “JayWalking Joe Deters’ Brother Dennis versus Crooked Hillary’s Local Spokesperson Denise Driehaus) on Jewish New Year.
And it’s a good thing there weren’t many important political fund-raisers planned for tonight and tomorrow, since politicians like sports teams always seem to overlook the “Jewish New Year Day” conflict when planning their events.
But Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says, “Tomorrow on the Jewish New Year, I’ll be trying really HARD to find some Jews in Northern Kentucky to wish a Happy Holiday.”
Rick “The Bat Boy” Robinson says, “Maybe the CamBoozler should’ve called me, since those Graydon Head Christmas Parties I used to host at the Fort Mitchell County Club were well known for being the only place Jews have ever been made to feel welcome in Northern Kentucky, but only since 2003.”
Whistleblower Alternate Lifestyles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis volunteered to “Blow the Shofar” on Jewish New Year’s, not knowing “The Shofar” was a ceremonial ram’s horn, blown to usher in the Jewish New Year, not the Uber driver.
Meanwhile, The Blower remembers when Anti-Semitic Kentucky write-in Senate candidate Robert Ransdell wished he were running for something again so he could put up “With Jews We Lose” signs to celebrate the Jewish New Year in Florence, and Erlanger, NoKY’s Roula Allouch, who’d been National CAIR Board Chair, isn’t telling us how her organization is making the world safer for people of all religions. At least CAIR won’t be honoring Obama’s Racebaiter# 1 Al Sharpton at her our Council on American Islamic Relations’ Annual Banquet like they did a few years before.
Our Good Friend Bobby Leach says, “Maybe all those Jewish guys are checking out this link about restoring your foreskin using scotch tape. And Whistleblower Religious Editor Fielding Mellish says, “Who cares how you spell Rosh Hashanah anyway.
Finally, Part-time Rabbinical Scholar Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane remembers when he couldn’t wait to wish “Happy New Year” to everybody at the Lyons YMCA in Anderson on Jewish New Year’s afternoon just to see if they told him, “Thanks, funny, you don’t look Jewish.” Or maybe he just used a lot of Yiddish expressions when he was talking to the guys in the Liberal Locker Room, just to see the looks on their faces.
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Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our September fund-raising drive from Sergeant Slaughter’s Army Surplus Store in Florence Kentucky, featuring authentic Israeli gas masks during today’s Jewish New Year’s Day Sale.