MONDAY, JANUARY 16, 2017  
The Fishwrap Editorial That Was Never Written

Last night in The Blower’s “Weekend Wisdom” E-dition, when we showed you the Feckless Fishwrappers’ so-called letter “congratulating” President-Elect Trump, we wondered what kind of letter our Feckless Fishwrappers might’ve written Barack Hussein Obama five days before he began destroying American in January 2009.

None of the Whistleblower Winter Interns (Josie, Zack, Bryan, or Mitchell) could find it in our files, but luckily, Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin sent us this:

Congratulations, President-elect BHO

Enquirer editorial board 7:26 p.m. ET Jan. 14, 2009

Dear President-elect Barack Hussein Obama:
The Enquirer editorial board congratulates as your inauguration approaches. 

We did endorse you, so our support for the office of the President of the United States remains steadfast. Since you will occupy that office shortly, we believe it is in the best interest of our country that all citizens help you live up to your best words rather than your worst.

The hopes and dreams of millions of Americans will live or die with the thousands of decisions you will have to make over the next four years. We trust that you will uphold the oath to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution to the best of your ability, that you will put country before your vast and diverse community organizing efforts and avoid conflicts of interest that could compromise your ability to act like an American instead of a Muslim Indonesian here on a student visa.

In strengthening America’s influence around the world, we hope you will support nations that share our democratic and human values and oppose leaders who would abuse their own citizens and interfere with our sovereignty. We hope you will remember your promises to rebuild the infrastructure that drives our economy and reconsider your promises to let any and every type of political radical invade our shores.  We are indeed a nation of laws, but we are also a nation of legal immigrants. It is our hope that you will explore bipartisan ways to compassionately deal with those who are already here illegally, while taking appropriate steps to insure the safety and security of all Americans.

Most of all, we hope you will live up to your post-election pledge to be a president for all: “We won the election.  If I don’t get what I want from Congress I have a phone and a pen,” you threatened recently.  The task of uniting our country in the wake of one of the most cleverly engineered presidential elections in U.S. history won’t be a simple one. But delivering on your campaign promises of putting Americans back to work, rebuilding our inner cities and slathering Hope and Change on every damn wall in sight would be good steps toward easing tensions.

While we will continue to hold you accountable for your words and actions, we hope you will use your presidential pulpit to empower and inspire all Americans. We will continue to stand firmly against acts of hatred, racism and limp-wristed mollycoddling of Arab scoundrels, and hope that you will join us in openly denouncing and fighting against such behavior. America is greatest when we lock arms with those who look and live different than us and put them in jail, not when we waste effort attacking each other. As president, it will be important for you to make everyone feel included regardless of their race, gender, religion or sexual orientation. Your words will carry even more weight now than they did during your presidential campaign. Americans value your frank talk and willingness to dialogue directly with them, but we also value thoughtfulness, respect and American traditions. 

We hope that you strive to improve your relationship with those of us in the news media. Thomas Jefferson, our nation’s third president, had some serious issues with newspapers, yet he said “were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.” Despite his contempt for the media, Jefferson understood that a free press was critical to our democracy and keeping power in check. Let’s try to respect each other’s job.

Again, congratulations. The people are counting on you to restrain your benefactors like George Soros and the ChiComs from kicking ass and taking names.