SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2016
TONIGHT’S TOP STORY: The FBI Investigation of EmailGate Was a Sham and an NSA Analyst says, “We now have incontrovertible proof the Bureau never had any intention of prosecuting Hillary Clinton.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump enter their first debate Monday night with new terrorist attacks fresh in voters’ minds and another U.S. city burning. Voters – particularly those in the two major parties – place more importance on the debates this election cycle than they have in past years. These debates are potentially a breakaway moment for either Clinton or Trump who have been running neck-and-neck for weeks in Rasmussen Reports’ White House Watch survey. Trump is ahead by five points in this week’s survey, but it’s too early to say if he is gaining any traction over his Democrat rival. (MORE)
THURSDAY NIGHT, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s “They’re offering the debate in virtual reality, so if you want to feel like you’re actually on stage during the debate, here’s your chance, Jeb. Trump was actually describing himself in an interview this week and said that his strongest suit is his temperament. Although sadly, even that suit is made in China. Conan O’Brien said: “The presidential debate on Monday is expected to pull in huge ratings. In fact, the whole country has “Lester Holt Fever.” Media experts say Monday night’s presidential debate will have a Super Bowl-sized TV audience. Of course, the Super Bowl audience drinks for fun, but Monday’s debate audience will be drinking out of sheer terror.” Jimmy Kimmel said: “Some people are trying to figure out what they’re wearing for Halloween. It’s hard for me to relate to. If you’re looking for a political costume, I saw this online, you can be Sexy Hillary Clinton. It’s just Hillary with no pants on. That’s how she got pneumonia, by the way. Or you can be Sexy Donald Trump — or maintain a shred of dignity and be neither of them for Halloween.” And Seth Meyers said: “A new poll has found that almost 70 percent of voters say they have concerns about Donald Trump’s rhetoric. And the other 30 percent said [shows photo of Trump’s sons], “Which one’s Rhetoric?”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1789, the first Congress of the United States approved the Bill of Rights, and sent it to the states for ratification. It’s been all downhill for America since then. Public approval of Congress now sits an all-time low, so that means all of the incumbents will be voted out in only 40 more days, right? Unfortunately, The Blower says don’t count on it.
THAT’S WHY YOUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Ronald Reagan’s “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”
MORE PERVERT POETRY: September’s almost over, and we have another timely poem from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves.
September Screwing
The lady likes to have her fun
But not to become a mama.
So she took her daily birth control
And mailed the bill to Obama.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “MORE HOPELESS CHANGE,” We were talking about the official change that came over the Main Stream Media Newswire that morning: We were no longer calling Black Rioters in Charlotte “Looters” any more. That term had been officially changed to “Aggrieved Victims of America’s Racist Criminal Justice System.”
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER is asking if the FOP, Lodge 69, should be using a government (City of Cincinnati) email system to conduct union business.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy #261 is to say to a liberal, “You remember the Reagan era, when Ronald Reagan was President, and Bob Hope and Johnny Cash were still with us? Well, now we have Obama, no hope, and no cash.”
JOHN GALT says, “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says Stocks rose last week as investors felt bullish in the wake of the Federal Reserve’s decision to hold off on raising interest rates. The Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJINDICES: ^DJI) and S&P 500 (SNPINDEX: ^GSPC) each ticked up by about 1% to add to their 2016 gains. Looking ahead, a few of the market’s largest companies will post earnings results over the next few days. Shareholders of Nike (NYSE: NKE), Costco (NASDAQ: COST), and Pepsi (NYSE: PEP) could see big moves in their investments in response to these operating trend updates.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Now Plan To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how he though Donald Trump would do at tomorrow night’s big Presidential Debate. “I think the Trumpster will do just fine,” Kane predicted. “As long as he doesn’t use the ‘C-word,’ he ought to be all right.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio’s Delusional Governor John Kasich, who is still wondering why he does so poorly in all those Conservative Polls, as this Award Winning Illustration from Artis Conception’s Archives clearly shows.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (SEPTEMBER 26) The Blower will be seeing if Hillary survived that first Presidential Debate everybody’s talking about, while we’re continuing to count down the 116 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
TUESDAY (SEPTEMBER 27) everybody will no doubt still be talking about Monday’s debate, and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will only be too happy to give us their opinions.
WEDNESDAY (SEPTEMBER 28) we’ll we following up on that NSA Analyst’s report saying the FBI Investigation Of Hillary’s Emailgate Was A Sham.
THURSDAY (September 29) we’ll be trying to find out how many people cancelled their subscriptions after The Fishwrap announced it had endorsed Crooked Hillary.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (September 30) LIMERICK IS “It’s less than five more weeks till Elections.”
AND SATURDAY (October 1) we’ll be avoiding “World Vegetarian Day,” while at the same time making fun of every Vegan we meet.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video Of The Day
September Surprise: EX CIA Operative Outs Bill & Hillary Clinton As Cocaine Traffickers
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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