FRIDAY, JANUARY 20, 2023
TRUMP’S SEVEN-HUNDRED-AND-THIRTIETH-DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND HERE’S SOMETHING YOU WON’T SEE ON THE NIGHTLY NEWS
— TODAY’S SATIRICAL WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO —
Surprising Discoveries Found In Biden’s Garage
Satirical Web Pages Are Not Just For Laughs And They Show A Focused Picture Of How People Are Reacting To The News Of The Day.
Satire matters for more than one reason, but its main goal is to raise awareness about the current state of affairs and challenge their viewpoints by using humor and irony. It helps us confront the unpleasant reality and see the world as it is so that we can improve it.
A guy we’ll call “TV Tadwell” wanted to ask Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why PELOSI’S BOY TOY had scheduled a meaningless town hall meeting for tomorrow and for upcoming Saturdays in February.
“That’s right out of the Disingenuous D-RAT Playbook” Kane explained. “I remember when Al Schottlekotte told me Saturday is usually a slow news day for local TV news stations and D-RAT Congressman Tom Luken used to schedule some really cheesy events on Saturday to make it easy for his little friends in the local news media to show up.”
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America’s national debt just passed $31 trillion for the first time in history. Yikes! Don’t worry though, we at The Babylon Bee have a few brilliant money-raising ideas up our sleeves that Congress probably hasn’t heard of yet.
You’re welcome, America!
- Burn down the Lincoln Memorial for the insurance money: A foolproof plan.
- Sell the moon to China for $31 trillion: Maybe throw in California for good measure. Nobody will miss it!
- Two words: BAKE SALE! If we sell around 10 trillion brownies, we’ll have that debt licked in no time! And we hear Ted Cruz makes a mean brownie.
- Get Russia to invade us and watch the aid money roll in: The surest way to untold riches!
- Ask every American to sell just one kidney: True patriots will sell both!
- Have Nancy Pelosi skip Starbucks and make her own coffee at home for the next 31 trillion days: We assume she’ll continue to live at least that long.
- Take out a reverse mortgage on Alaska: Most countries do this sort of thing toward the end of their lives.
- Make the FBI raise extra cash by delivering pizza on their way to raid Trump supporters: Those armored assault trucks are great at keeping pizza really hot.
- Have Biden ask Hunter to ask his Chinese employers to forgive the debt: Pretty please?
- Have Janet Yellen marry Tom Brady and then divorce him to take half his money: Come on Tom, take one for the team!
- Print 31 trillion more dollars: Wait — isn’t this what we’re already doing?
- Stop spending more money than we have: No wait, that would be crazy. Never mind.
If you know someone in Congress, be sure to share these genius tips with them! We’ve GOT this, folks!
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NOW…LET’S COMPARE OUR OBVIOUS POLITICAL PARODIES WITH THIS ACTUAL WASHINGTON POST REPORTGannett ordered our local Morning Fishwrap to roll back op-eds after “repelling readers” with biased articles
• Readers didn’t want to be told what to do or how to think
• They were perceived as having a ‘biased agenda’ so Readers were canceling subscriptions
• The company is decreasing its editorial output and even scaling back cartoons
• The newspapers will no longer make political endorsements beyond a local level, like when The Fishwrap endorsed Crooked Hillary For President. Can You Tell If This Is The Real Story?
The Whistleblower Newswire Is Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop crusade for Election Integrity and against Coordinated Leftist Insurrection and the Devolution of Our American Culture while Congress, the Deep State, and the Radical Media Establishment continue to lie to advance their Coordinated Leftist Agenda.
But first, we must see a Corleone Political Reckoning on Election Integrity Along With Indictments And Perp Walks For Laws Broken During The Illegal 2020 Presidential Election, without which nothing else really matters.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda is watching to see if any progress is made during the next 655 (at press time) days before the 2024 elections.