TODAY IS
FRIDAY, MAY 10, 2019
Trump’s 810th Day In Office
Mother’s Day Madness
This week, everybody who’s glad his mother didn’t ditch him in a dumpster, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is MF Goodson, who says his mother deserves a much better Mother’s Day than he’s able to afford without asking her for the money.

MF wins a “World’s Worst Mom” coffee mug from K-mart, a Mother’s Day Card his wife made with crappy clip art downloaded from the internet, and a voice-mail message from the nursing home reminding him that he hasn’t called visited his own mother for the last six months. His winning entry is:

This Sunday, will be your Mother’s Day.
To show her you’re grateful, you’d say,
Thanks for making me wear dresses,
And for brushing my tresses,
It’s no wonder I turned out to be gay.”

Now Here’s Perturbed in Park Hill’s Over-stuffed Sonnet
The best way to celebrate your Mother’s Day
Is to acknowledge why her hair turned gray.

In the case of that leftist brat AOC,
Her mother should have turned her over her knee.

The mothers of those Clintons and Obamas
Must have slept with Viet Cong black pajamas.

When Pelosi emerged from the birth canal
Her mother succumbed to a seizure grand mal.

Due to female cranial mutilation
She only says “impeach” and “reparation.”

And thank Mom you weren’t born in New York,
A state that aborts both baby and stork.

My Mom passed away some nine years ago,
And left her gray hair to us here below.

I always say “thank you” for being my Mum,
But add “mea culpa” for being a bum

And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course):
This Sunday, will be your Mother’s Day.
And you bought her a lovely bouquet.
If you’d said “Come to our house,”
She would’ve made you feel like a louse
If you’d send her home when she wanted to stay.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The best way to spend Armed Forces Day.”