THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2017
Seediest Kids of All
The Whistleblower’s 27th Annual Seediest Kids of All Campaign (not associated with the Failed United Way) began earlier this week.
We’re featuring some truly inspirational stories about the waifs and urchins we claim to have helped in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky, just so you’ll believe we actually give a big rat’s ass.
Why don’t we have a more traditional holiday guilt campaign like the rest of the corrupt news media? No charity made our beloved publisher its president in exchange for free publicity and our “endorsement” we don’t have a fat weatherman turned radio talk-show host who was never actually convicted of beating up his girlfriend, and all the really good dead celebrities other than Harriet Beecher Stowe, “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, and “BeanBall Jim” Bunning have already been taken.
Today, our “Seediest Kids of All” campaign (not affiliated with the Failed United Way) continues by updating the sad story of Louis “Porky” Dorkman, now 29, an adorable little 288-lb. illegitimate waif.
Porky’s mother, who just lost her job at the County Food Stamps Office just in time for Thanksgiving, stood in line yesterday for six hours at the FreeBee Store behind Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex Triantafillou, Fat Pat Barry, Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters, Soon-to-Be-Fired Fired Fishwrappers, along with all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President In History In The White House—Twice, And Had Planned To Give Obama A Third Term By Voting For “Crooked Hillary,” And Get All Of Their “Fake News” From Our Local Obama Supporters In The Press, Like The Ones At The Fishwrap, and on Channels 5, 9, 12, and 19, who ensured that the Divided States of America would have a government it truly deserves, to bring home 28 packages of Twinkies, a box of Wilfred Brimley’s Erotic No-Hands Oatmeal Turkey Stuffing Mix, and a picture of a Thanksgiving turkey.
The news media has failed to make you feel guilty enough, so again this year, there still weren’t enough real turkeys to go around.
