SUNDAY, MAY 28, 2017
OUR MEMORIAL DAY MARATHON CONTINUES with More Than 7,000 Boots On Display At Fort Bragg To Honor those killed in action in Afghanistan and Iraq.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1900 fire nearly destroyed the Reds’ grandstand. And watching our current crop of hitless millionaires lose all those games this year, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall wonders why they ever rebuilt it, especially after the Reds began their next losing streak Saturday afternoon against the Philadelphia Phillies, a team that’s supposed to be even worse than they are.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE again chose Reds Manager Bryan Price’s expletive-laden rant when he set a record for the record number of times a major league manager used the word “fuck” in an answer to a deserving member of the news media like C. Trent Rosencrans.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES: “Just in time for the sweltering summer, we found this passionate poem by our old friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, from his latest book, “Summer Sex Scandals,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
“Summer Sensuality”
Oh, the weather’s getting warmer
The nights are hot and sultry.
That’s when the minds of men
Turn lightly to adultery.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED TITLED “HOLIDAY PRICE HIKES” by James Jay Schifrin, everybody was filling up his gas tank early to avoid the holiday price hikes this weekend and our three Cost-Conscious County Commissioners were complaining about the high price of gasoline these days. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER wonders why, when that woman was fatally stabbed in East Price Hill, didn’t our Feckless Fishwrappers characterize this incident as the murder of a white woman by a black man? Then again, that might be too harsh of a statement and indicative of the media being a bit racist – WTF!
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says most Americans say the Saudis need to do more to fight Radical Islamic Terrorism. President Trump traveled to Saudi Arabia this week to reinvigorate the U.S.-Saudi alliance, but voters still think there’s a long way to go. (MORE)
THIS WEEK, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID WE’RE STILL HEARING TOO MUCH LEFT-WING HATE SPEECH FROM OUR LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS, LIKE JIMMY FALLON’S: Last night, a Republican congressional candidate named Greg Gianforte apparently body-slammed a reporter. Some Republicans are defending him, saying the body slam wasn’t a big deal — which they might regret in three years when The Rock runs for president.
CONAN O’BRIEN: A new poll reveals that only 1 in 4 Americans believes President Trump has actually “drained the swamp.” However, 3 out of 4 Americans believe Trump has “peed in the pool.”
JAMES CORDEN: Meanwhile, Trump continues his trip in Europe. While visiting NATO headquarters today in Brussels, he was caught on camera rudely shoving another world leader out of the way. I mean, is he a president or a bridesmaid positioning to catch the bouquet. Trump tossed that guy aside like one of his ex-wives.
JIMMY KIMMEL: President Trump addressed his fellow leaders today, he scolded them for not paying their fair share to support NATO and had one particularly harsh word for those who commit acts of terrorism. “All people who cherish life must unite in finding, exposing, and removing these killers and extremists. And yes, losers. They are losers.” That’ll learn ’em. He’s fighting terrorists the same way he fought Rosie O’Donnell. It doesn’t work.
SETH MEYERS: Former President Obama reportedly received a rock star welcome at an event in Germany today, and President Trump was given a subway mariachi band welcome.
STEPHEN COLBERT: Tuesday morning, the Trump administration unveiled their 2018 budget, titled “A New Foundation for American Greatness,” which is just slightly grandiose for a financial document. It’s like calling your grocery list “A Bold Vision for Yogurt and Dog Food.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SUMMER INTERN PROGRAM: May 26 was the final day to email applications for the summer term which runs June 1 through August 21. Applicants must either be tri-state residents attending an accredited college or university in or outside of Ohio or Kentucky. Applicants must also have completed a full academic year by the end of the internship. Participants are expected to commit to a minimum of 20 hours per week of program-related work over the internship.
Applicants must also submit a 1,000-word-or-less essay on “Why it’s OK to Make Fun of Politicians.”
Applications can also be submitted for the fall term: August 25– November 14, 2015
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 258 – Tell a joke: Q. What’s the difference between ObamaCare and a car battery? A. The car battery has a positive side
JOHN GALT says “It only stands to reason that where there’s sacrifice, there’s someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there’s service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says the House passed a series of bills, including measures to reduce regulatory burdens and protect children from sexual abuse. The Senate confirmed several sub-cabinet nominations, including Iowa Governor Terry Branstad to serve as the Ambassador to China.
Next Week: Both the House and Senate will be in recess to celebrate the Memorial Day holiday.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. Moochers in the Military will be sad yesterday tomorrow when all those restaurants aren’t giving away all those free meals on Memorial Day like they always do on Veterans Day, which meant they will all have to wait until November 11 for their FREE BLOOMIN’ ONION from Outback.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how the local news media is doing a good job getting ready for the upcoming Tensing Retrial, especially after everybody couldn’t avoid seeing that Confederate T-Shirt Tensing wore under his uniform. “Yesterday, Whistleblower Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood told us our Feckless Fishwrappers are doing everything they can to become a participant in this case, just like last time, Kane explained. Tensing’s attorney can file motions, but the court can’t really prevent them from writing stories and putting up pics as click-bait.”
This week, Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception showed us Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters getting himself ready to get himself on TV every time you turn around when the Tensing Re-trial actually begins. You can see that e-dition HERE.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (MAY 29) we’ll be celebrating Memorial Day, hoping to see President Trump do something really patriotic so he can get himself some good publicity for a change.
TUESDAY (MAY 30) will be our “Post-Memorial Day Stress” E-dition and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will be seeking some relief.
WEDNESDAY (MAY 31), The Blower we might publish our More Memorializing” E-dition, because one day each year just isn’t enough.
THURSDAY (JUNE 1) we’ll be checking to see if Trump found his White House Leakers.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JUNE 2) LIMERICK IS “Paying nearly two-fifty for a gallon of gas.”
AND SATURDAY (JUNE 3) Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo will be covering the big Confederate Memorial Day Parade in Northern Kentucky.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
TODAY’S WHISTLEBLOWER MEMORIAL DAY VIDEO
Memorial Day Tribute – “Thank You”
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