FRIDAY, JULY 29, 2016
It Was Really, Really Boring

This morning at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he thought of Hillary’s big speech last night. How’s this for a headline,” Kane asked: “Hillary Accepts Nomination, Immediately Bores Americans Into A Coma Before Startling Them Awake With Her Cackle?”

“That’s what Ben Shapiro said,” Kane explained, along with “Thursday night, after an interminable speech by boring young Chelsea Clinton introducing her boring old mother, Hillary Clinton, Hillary finally took to the stage. She wore all white. Like an angel. Like a saint. Like an erased server. And she proceeded to talk.”  [MORE]

“And here’s what Trump’s Senior Policy Advisor Stephen Miller had to say:

“Hillary Clinton’s speech was an insulting collection of clichés and recycled rhetoric. She spent the evening talking down to the American people she’s looked down on her whole life.

“Hillary Clinton talks about unity, about E Pluribus Unum, but her globalist agenda denies American citizens the protections to which they are all entitled – tearing us apart. Her radical amnesty plan will take jobs, resources and benefits from the most vulnerable citizens of the United States and give them to the citizens of other countries. Her refusal to even say the words ‘Radical Islam’, or to mention her disaster in Libya, or her corrupt email scheme, all show how little she cares about the safety of the American people.

“It’s a speech delivered from a fantasy universe, not the reality we live in today.

“Hillary Clinton says America is stronger together. But in Hillary Clinton’s America, millions of people are left out in the cold. She only stands together with the donors and special interests who’ve bankrolled her entire life. Excluded from Hillary Clinton’s America are the suffering people living in our inner cities, or the victims of open borders and drug cartels, or the people who’ve lost their jobs because of the Clintons’ trade deals, or any hardworking person who doesn’t have enough money to get a seat at Hillary Clinton’s table.”

“How bad was it?” Kane asked. “It’s no wonder Hillary’s husband couldn’t stay awake during her speech.”

But all of that probably won’t matter,” Kane tried to make clear, “especially to all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama and Hillary Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.”

Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin asked our Feckless Fishwrappers if they were selling copies of their front page portrait of Saint Hillary? Will the new Hillary, Angel of Mercy portrait grace the facade of your building? And will everyone see it on the Fountain Square jumbotron? How about the Reds Stadium scoreboard? Stu’s only prayer is, God save us from this American Evita and her True Believers!