SUNDAY, JULY 17, 2016
More Politics Unusual
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says just days before the Republican National Convention is expected to formally nominate him for president, Donald Trump has taken his largest lead yet over Hillary Clinton. The latest Rasmussen Reports weekly White House Watch survey of Likely U.S. Voters finds Trump with 44% support to Clinton’s 37%. Thirteen percent (13%) favor some other candidate, and six percent (6%) are undecided.
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER LIKED JIMMY FALLON’S: Donald Trump is expected to officially announce his running mate at an event tomorrow and all week reports said it was down to three finalists: Mike Pence, Chris Christie, or those two candidates combined, Newt Gingrich. Former quarterback Tim Tebow is scheduled to speak at next week’s Republican Convention. Trump was even going to have Tebow throw his signature hats into the crowd, but he wasn’t sure they’d make it.
CONAN O’BRIEN SAID: Donald Trump said he wishes he had the time to play Pokémon Go. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton said, “Oh, you will.” According to a poll that just came out, Donald Trump is getting zero percent of the black vote in some states. Trump said, “Don’t worry, by the time the election comes around I will double that.” Britain has a new foreign secretary, and the new foreign secretary once likened Hillary Clinton to a “sadistic nurse.” After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Man, I wish.”
SETH MEYERS SAID: A new report says that former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice recently rejected an offer from Donald Trump to be his running mate. When Trump’s people asked why she rejected the offer, she said, “For the last time, I’m Whoopi Goldberg.” Newt Gingrich praised Donald Trump in a new interview and said he’s like a figure out of a movie. Yeah, he’s the monkey from “Outbreak.” A new survey shows that Donald Trump is polling at zero percent among black voters in Ohio and Pennsylvania. I don’t know. That seems a little high.
AND STEPHEN COLBERT SAID: The latest polls show that Hillary Clinton is tied with Donald Trump. Ever since the damning FBI report about Hillary Clinton’s private email servers came out, her poll numbers have not looked good. Though the truth is she may have much better numbers hidden on her private server. We don’t know. In the key swing states of Ohio and Pennsylvania Trump is currently getting zero percent support from black voters. Obviously every poll has a margin of error, so it can actually be negative 3 percent. CBS News has learned that Donald Trump has chosen Indiana Gov. Mike Pence. Now, it turns out when the story that Trump picked him was being reported, Trump hadn’t called Mike Pence yet. So Mike, if you are watching, “Surprise!”
Seeing is Believing
Ah the wondrous days of summer
The cricket’s cheerful song.
The see-thru clothes the girlies wear
And the break-a-way lacy thong.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “LARCENOUS LANDLORDS,” the Patronage County Commissioners were arguing about the renovation plan for the local Patronage County Museum, as well as the Patronage County Music Center, because Commissioners still needed to decide before August 6 whether to place a proposed sales tax increase on the November ballot. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says Ohio’s Delusional Governor Kasich claims he’ll be attending a series of public and private events this week to bad mouth Donald Trump, talk about creating a stronger economy and national defense, thank his supporters and visit with state delegations from across the country. Kasich also says he won’t be available for interviews at the events, but nobody believes that.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #198 says never speak of “Affirmative Action” —only of “Reverse Discrimination.” Elaborate by saying how angry it makes you that talented blacks, Mexican-Americans, and others who secured their jobs and their college places purely on their own merit will forever be looked on with suspicion and resentment.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says devastating news of another terrorist attack in France Thursday night soured an otherwise-celebratory mood on Wall Street. The S&P 500 closed out four straight days of record closes before snapping its streak on Friday. Since Monday, the S&P 500 added 1.49%, the Dow Jones Industrial Average gained 2.04%, and the Nasdaq rose 1.47%.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and delegates to the upcoming Republican and DemocRAT conventions are looking to come back with a lot of swag.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY, AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he’ll be personally covering the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this week. You bet! As the official voice of the Conservative Agenda and the publication of record for all Conservative proceedings in America, our readers knew to expect nothing less.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JULY 18) The Blower will be personally covering Donald Trump’s Republican National Convention in Cleveland, but we’ll still be continuing to count down the 186 Days of Dishonesty for the rest of the nation remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
TUESDAY (JULY 19) we’ll be trying to ignore Hillary’s pandering Black Lies Matter at the National Association for the Advancement of Liberal Colored People in Cincinnati, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” might have something to say about that.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Ohio’s Delusional Republican Governor John Kasich who’s still waiting for his endorsement from Mitt Romney. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows Kasich being very cautious.
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Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
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