FRIDAY, JULY 15, 2016 

More Racial Healing

Feckless Fishwrappers, along with the rest of Obama’s and Hillary’s Supporters in the Press, have only begun to complain that presumptive Republican Presidential Nominee Donald Trump declined an invitation to be abused in person at next week’s National Association For The Advancement Of Liberal Colored People Convention in Cincinnati, just because Trump’s Racist Republican National Committee Convention is scheduled to take place at the same time. 

Do you think somebody told the Trumpster that loser GOP presidential nominees John McCain and Mitt Romney had both given speeches to their NAALCP conventions? The Blower even remembers when Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP bought an ad in the group’s program.

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

         Why it’s Ohio’s Delusional Republican Governor John Kasich, who says since he doesn’t have anything important to at the Republican National Committee Convention in Cleveland next week, the least he and his 2020 Presidential Running Mate Rob Portman could do would be to cover for the Republican Party’s 2016 Presidential Nominee at the NAALCP Convention in Cincinnati.   Greater love hath no man…

And if Kasich would be willing to swallow his pride to help Donald Trump win the Buckeye State in only 116 more days, the least The Blower could do today would be to permit the unselfish governor of The Great State of Ohio to chose three items plus a quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists.

EIGHT MAGIC WORDS By Rufus Redneck 

I am going to reveal to you eight magic words.           

With these words you will have a new understanding of issues you have contemplated at length.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have entirely different influences in music and movies, and language.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have a much smaller national deficit.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have far less turmoil in America.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have all of our great cities prospering as well as the small towns.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have far less violence and have far less need for gun control. 

Ready?

“We should have picked our own damn cotton.”

YOU MAY BE A MUSLIM By Jeff Foxworthy 

If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, you may be a Muslim.

If you own a £3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes, you may be a Muslim.

If you have more wives than teeth, you may be a Muslim.

If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean, you may be a Muslim.

If you think vests come in two styles (Bullet-proof and suicide), you may be a Muslim

If you can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared jihad against, you may be a Muslim.

If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing, you may be a Muslim.

If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, you may be a Muslim.

If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four, you may be a Muslim. 

And if you find this offensive or racist and don’t forward it, you may be a Muslim.

THE NEW PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE By Josh Gerth and Andy Pappas 

Since the Pledge of Allegiance and the Lord’s Prayer are not allowed in most public schools these days (because the word “God” is mentioned), two new new kids at our Anderson High School in the Forrest Gump School District offer his “New Pledge of Allegiance”:

Now I sit me down in school,
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice. 

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks…
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.
It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,
We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles…
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It’s scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!

AND A QUICKIE By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach

A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist, and a Black Guy walk into a Bar.

The bartender says, “What’ll it be, Mr. President?”

Stories We’re Working On

• MOHAMMED And His Little Terror Truck In Nice
• OBAMA IRRELEVANT? Town Hall Beaten By Sitcom Repeat In Ratings
• FBI: ‘No Evidence’ PULSE Targeted Because Gay Club
• FLASHBACK: Gretchen Carlson Offers Co-Anchor Some ‘Potent Turkish Viagra’ So He Can ‘Blank Many Times’
• CONVENTION DRAMA: Cleveland activists wary of city plans to process thousands of arrests
• CLEVELAND plans to process thousands of arrests At Republican Convention
• HILLARY To Appear At Monday Event For White People In Cincinnati

Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said was the worst part about a summer heat wave in Greater Cincinnati:
(A) Feeling guilty for not giving free fans to the homeless: 2%
(B) The way an elevator smells if you’re a midget: 1%
(C) Really high electricity bills from Duke: 1%
(D) Those idiot weather guessers on TV: 96%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

CONSERVATIVE COUNTERATTACK HOT LINE

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