MONDAY, JULY 11, 2016

RoboCop To The Rescue

Yesterday in Patronage County, after Dallas Police Chief David Brown on CNN’s “State of the Union” strongly defended his department’s use of a robot with an explosive to kill Black Power Radical Micah X., Kneepad Liberals in the Press couldn’t stop whining about police using a killer robot.

“We did it to save their lives,” Brown said. “That’s not worth my time to debate at this point.”

Someone else who wasn’t debating was Patronage County Sheriff Buford Flogg, who had just ordered a new M1A1 RoboCop to patrol the courthouse, complete with a modular weapons system.

The left hand will be equipped with one 20mm gun retrofitted with three heat-seeking missiles. The right hand will hold two additional 20mm guns. And in a clever touch, a pocket behind the robot’s head will be equipped with twin launchers which could be loaded with either mortars or gas grenades for crowd control.

“We just need to be ready,” explained Sheriff Flogg, “in case any of Obama’s Black Lives Matters terrorists decide to invade Patronage County. If they do, they’ll be sorry they did.”