SUNDAY, JULY 3, 2016
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1863, Confederate General Robert E. Lee’s last attempt to break the Union line at Gettysburg ended in disastrous failure, bringing the most decisive battle of the American civil War to an end. The 153rd Gettysburg Battle Anniversary Reenactment, took place on July 1, 2, & 3, 2016, uniquely coinciding with the actual days of the Battle of Gettysburg–July 1, 2 & 3, 1863, and was held at the Gettysburg Movie Site overlooking the Round Tops and historic Sachs Mill Covered Bridge adjoining Gettysburg National Military Park. To see what’s happening on the old battlefield right this minute, CLICK HERE.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Robert E. Lee’s: “It is good that war is so horrible, or we might grow to like it.”
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER LIKED CONAN O’BRIEN’s: New York City is officially making its public bathrooms gender-neutral. So next time you try to use a public bathroom in New York, there could be either a man or a woman living in it. Hillary Clinton has unveiled a technology plan that would offer broadband Internet access to all Americans. Which is why today Hillary was endorsed by the CEO of PornHub. Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the president of France. When she heard this, Hillary said, “Shut up, I’m trying to win this thing.” Yesterday President Obama met with the leaders of Mexico and Canada. Obama said he’s trying to figure out where to live if Trump wins. Fourth of July, of course, is when we celebrate our breaking away from England. And after this week, it’s starting to seem like England can’t keep a relationship going.
JIMMY KIMMEL said: The Fourth of July holiday weekend is almost upon us. The original Brexit is the Fourth of July. It’s my favorite holiday. You don’t have to wrap anything, other than bacon around a hot dog. Donald Trump is upset today because so many of his former Republican rivals have not endorsed him. He says he feels like he is running against two parties because none of the guys have jumped in to lend their support. Which makes no sense at all. Donald Trump has been nothing but nice to them. Donald Trump says what they’re doing is disgraceful and there should be consequences for it. What consequences? I don’t know. Maybe he is planning to feed Jeb Bush to his dragons. At this point, the Republican Party is like the scientists at “Jurassic park.” Now, it’s going to eat us.
AND STEPHEN COLBERT said: Thirty-eight percent for Trump, 13 percent for a meteor, which adds up to 51 percent of the people are OK with the world coming to an end. Two giant destructive orange balls. The giant meteor hitting the Earth polled particularly well among independent voters, and unsurprisingly, poorly amongst dinosaurs. Now Trump might be getting a boost in the polls because sources say Trump is vetting Chris Christie as a potential running mate. Christie would definitely help Trump win voters in New Jersey, who are anxious to get rid of Chris Christie. The source claims Christie has begun the official vetting process, which I believe means trying to sell more lemonade in Times Square than Gary Busey.
NOW TO HELP EVERYBODY GET READY FOR INDEPENDENCE DAY, BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES, HAS “ANOTHER PATRIOTIC POEM.”
On the Fourth of July,
In the rockets; red glare
The Girls dress skimpy
So the boys will stare.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED TITLED “Free Stuff on the Fourth,” everybody was getting ready to eat BBQ and watch the fireworks to celebrate Independence Day, but our Consternated County Commissioners were still be complaining about the high price of gasoline these days ask themselves: are we truly free and independent? This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says Feckless Fishwrappers assigned to “fact-check” Donald Trump’s speech in the Sharonville Convention Center Wednesday night, will no doubt be getting tips from The Blower’s Official “Disingenuous DemocRAT Talking Points Memo” for some really blatant examples of Liberal Media Bias.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #162, Reclaim the language for conservatism: Instead of “Mainstream Media (MSM),” talk about the OLM— “Old Left Media.”
JOHN GALT says “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says The major U.S. stock indexes rose modestly on Friday, for a fourth straight day of gains, helped by encouraging U.S. manufacturing data. The S&P 500 tallied its best week since November, staging a strong rebound from its worst two-day decline in 10 months sparked by Britain’s shock vote last week to leave the European Union. The indexes have erased almost all their losses stemming from the “Brexit” vote.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and soon once again the vacationer-in-chief and his brood will be headed for another high-priced, taxpayer-funded vacation, while 70% of DemocRATS want Obama to run for a third term.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY, AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the Whistleblower Fife and Drum Corps. “We’ll be meeting in Anderson’s Holy Homophobic Heterosexual Fourth of July Day Parade (RAIN OR SHINE) at 9:30 AM behind Anderson Trustee Andy Pappas’ Cleaner Concepts located at 7857 PFC James Miller IV Memorial Highway,” Kane explained.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JULY 4) The Blower will be like celebrating Independence Day, but we’ll still be continuing to count down the 200 Days of Dishonesty for the rest of the nation remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
TUESDAY (JULY 5) will be out Official “Post-Holiday Stress Disorder” E-dition, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will certainly have something to say about that.
WEDNESDAY (JULY 6) will be National Fried Chicken Day, and we’ll be seeing if White Guys really like Fried Chicken too.
THURSDAY (JULY 7) we’ll be checking to see if Hillary has yet been indicted.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JULY 8) LIMERICK IS “Obama now says it’s great to be gay,” and everybody’s wondering who the winner of that Limerick Contest will be.
AND SATURDAY (JULY 9) is supposed to be “National Sugar Cookie Day,” but our research didn’t find the creator, or the origin of this day. Neither could we find any documentation confirming this to be a “National” day, and we found no congressional records or presidential proclamation.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, especially our Weasel of the House Paul Ryan, who caved to the demands of DemocRATS and he is scheduling a gun control vote on the House floor when they come back from recess next week.
PATRIOTIC FOURTH OF JULY PICNIC HOT LINE
e-mail your patriotic prose today.
Some patriotic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally patriotic subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.
Whistleblower Video Of The Day
Exclusive: Never-Aired ‘Apprentice’ Parody of Trump Firing Obama
(Sent in by The Donald, who says he could always use a little extra publicity.)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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