TODAY IS
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2020
AND WE’RE WONDERING WHEN ROGER STONE’S PARDON WILL BE ANNOUNCED
On Trump’s 1119th Day In Office

Commemorative Coverage Of The Trumpster’s First 100 Days (DAY 22*)
That Date Was February 13, 2017

Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says everybody in Columbus couldn’t have been more excited about the big news that John Kasich claims to have written a new book that will be released in April. 

Ohio’s Delusional Republican Governor maintains he wants to share what he learned about America during last year’s over-taxed payer funded travels all over our great country while running for president of these United States in 2016, as the first step in his 2020 president campaign with Rob “Fighting for Feck” Portman as sidekick/ running mate. 

Kasich says he believes our nation can be united again. The way forward is to focus on our shared moral compass – the one that points us to honesty, integrity, personal responsibility, faith, humility, compassion, forgiveness and tolerance – that will get us back on track. Read more of that unadulterated bullshit in the puff piece published by the Trump bashers at the Washington Post HERE.

Maybe that’s why at this afternoon’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about all the folderol last year over Ohio Governor John Kasich’s second-place finish in the New Hampshire Republican Presidential Primary. “He spent 64 days (including an estimated $10 million or so in ads, mostly run by a super-PAC—we’re not sure if that was the one that included money from Hillary’s friend George Soros) conducting town meetings all over the Granite State,” Kane explained. “He certainly should’ve gotten more than a crappy 16% of the vote. And you really had to laugh when Kasich’s cheerleaders at The Fishwrap claimed Kasich’s BFD win in Dixville Notch vaulted him into ‘GOP Prominence,’ whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.”

That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Bobby Unser’s “Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second.”

Maybe Kasich should’ve copied Avis Car Rental’s “We’re Number Two, We Try Harder” Campaign. In 1962, Avis was in search of a new advertising campaign. Since its inception, the car rental company had trailed behind the market leader, Hertz. So the ad agency Doyle Dane Bernbach decided to embrace Avis’ second-place status as a sneaky way to tout the brand’s customer service. “When you’re only No. 2, you try harder,” went the new tagline. “Or else.”

“Actually, as any honor student of the Forrest Gump School District can tell you, coming in second has long been a part of American History,” Kane added, because Thomas Jefferson wrote, “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Coming in Second.”

Meanwhile, our White House Snitch (that Long-Time Whistleblower Subscriber we showed you being sworn in among those Senior White House Staffers in our January 24 “Persons Of Consequence Update”) sent us a quote from the President, who said, “People like John Kasich who came in Second are “Losers!”