TODAY IS
SUNDAY, AUGUST 18, 2019
Trump’s 940th Day In Office
This Sunday in America…at the Church of The Compassionate Conservative, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, the Right-Wing Reverend Charles Foster Kane was once again preaching to the choir when he said the annual Western & Southern Open Tennis Matches at the Lindner Family Tennis Center were almost over, and all of our local Kneepad Liberals in the Press were still in full-hype. But it must still be early, because none of the columnists promising to surprise and delight, dig and question at the Liberal Agenda Fishwrap has yet complained about the lack of “diversity” of the Caucasian Tennis Watchers attending the matches.
Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says although Cincinnati Reds fans have been waiting for next year for several years, and The Bungals haven’t blow it yet, all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19, seem to like watching overpaid professional tennis players rake in the loot, mostly because they’re all “CELEBRITIES.”
Scared Soreheads in the Suburbs feel safe attending the annual Western & Southern Open Tennis Matches in Mason, Ohio, because it’s not like attending a Reds game in downtown Cincinnati where public safety is assured, and Cautious Caucasians are still worried about being a victims of a “Hate Crime” attack, like the one that left a White man beaten and bloody on the Fourth of July.
Two years ago, Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters (Seen Sitting in John Barrett’s Box on ESPN) said there was no racial tension in the Great White North at the Western Southern Tennis Matches except when Serena Williams won. Maybe The Old “JayWalker” also remembered 2011, when once again the antics of Serena Williams came thru when she took her player’s money and bought a wedding present for that big California wedding. Serena withdrew prior to her second match due to a so-called “toe injury,” but was spotted dancing at Kim Kardashian’s wedding that Saturday night along with her sister Venus.
Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP is no doubt all a-Twitter, and Pretentious Whistleblower Hyde Park Tennis Bum Hoy Palloy has been posting stupid selfies of himself and as many of the rich people and tennis players as he can corner. Ollie Ogler has front row seats. Bryce “Rhymes With Twice” McKey might like to pat some of the pretty tennis ladies on the buttocks as they walk by, and breastfeeding moms could’ve held a protest at center court like they did that time on the lawn in front of the WCPO building on Gilbert Avenue.
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about that time in 2016 when Political Pundit Dick Morris’ explained that the 2016 Primary Campaigns (which determined the main contenders for the nomination) were a lot like these tennis matches, just because since no battle plan ever survives the first engagement, no amount of punditry could’ve ever predicted the permutations and ripples that flowed from the first debate.
Morris said, “Nominating contests are akin to the Wimbledon tennis tournament, with quarterfinals, semifinals and the final. The Republican Party, is composed of a layer cake of different constituencies. So to nominate a candidate, each of these diverse groups held, in effect, its own quarterfinal to decide on its favored candidate. Then the top two fought it out in the semifinals to go on to the finals held in November.” It sounds like “old toe-sucker” Morris was picking up on The Blower’s original Presidential tournament brackets idea.
Former Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka regrets that none of those 2020 D-RAT Candidates (who will never be president) plans to hold a Campaign Rally anywhere in Southwest Ohio, since for sure everybody would be comparing D-RATS’ turnout with the Trumpster’s all-time attendance record on Thursday, previously held by Elton John at #SNHUArena in Manchester, New Hampshire.
