TODAY IS
FRIDAY, JUNE 21, 2019
Trump’s 882nd Day In Office

Taxed to the Max

           This week, everybody who can’t understand how his real estate values can be plummeting during the Trump Economic Boom at the same time his property taxes are being jacked up, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

            The winner is noted anti-taxer Norquist Tadwell, who says, “I wouldn’t mind paying these jacked-up taxes, if only they were educating the kids with the money, instead of wasting all that cash to divert attention from serious problems on meaningless Political Correctness meetings about changing the name of the REDSKINS Mascot.”

            Norquist wins an autographed photo of the County Auditor with Egg All Over His Face, an Official Whistleblower Jacked-up Property Values Complaint Form, free tickets to a seminar to learn how to be successful challenging the Auditor’s phony baloney value for his property, a “No More Drive-By Appraisals” sign for his yard, and tips from Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz on how he got his old pal the Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street) to give him an historic tax reduction. His winning entry is:

          When you pay your real estate taxes,
          Don’t ask where your money goes if you want factses,
          Just watch for Castellini and Mike Brown,
          First in line at the Courthouse downtown
          Making huge profits off of our backses.

         And from the Anderson Laureate (who says, “I hope I get a decent present this year, or at least have my poetic license reinstated.”)

           When you pay your real estate taxes
          Can you see how the auditor relaxes?
          He don’t have to work,
          The greedy old jerk,
          He just robs us, and them’s what the facts is.

          And if he feels like hiking them higher
          You might start looking for a home buyer
          You can beg him for cuts
          But he’s got you by the nuts
          And your situation is nothing but dire.

          If your taxes go up more and more
          Eventually you’re gonna end up poor
          If you have no more money
          It really won’t be funny
          When you get a foreclosure notice on your door.

          But that won’t bother ol’ Dusty a bit
          If you’re broke, he won’t give a shit.
          He’ll just sit back and grin
          And raise taxes again
          And I don’t think that he’ll ever quit.

          So maybe the answer is to rent
          And let your landlord lament
          You won’t own a house
          And you’ll be poor as a church mouse
          You might end up under a bridge in a tent.

Now Here’s Perturbed in Park Hill’s Over-stuffed Sonnet
To honor your dad on this Father’s Day,
Forget the tie and the hankie, OK?

Did he serve his country in time of war?
Did he give you a home that was top drawer?

Did he work the late shift so you could eat?
All his sacrifices were no mean feat.

If your dad is still among the living,
Give him the gift that just keeps on giving:

Your deep gratitude and humility;
Your care in his golden senility.

If your dad has left this vale of tears,
Pray that he still lives among his peers.

Father and son: a link never broken.
Make sure it doesn’t remain unspoken.

            The first line of next Friday’s limerick is:
         “When we celebrate the Fourth of July”

 Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering, who says failure to receive a tax bill will not avoid such penalty and/or interest if you’re late mailing your Real Estate Taxes.