TODAY IS
FRIDAY, MAY 17, 2019
Trump’s 847th Day In Office

Celebrating Armed Forces Day Tomorrow
This week, everybody who thinks America should have a day that’s been officially designated to salute each of the men and women in all branches of the service who protect us and our country, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Harley Mather, Sr. in Boondoggle County, whose son PFC Harley Mather, Jr., will be arriving home on leave any day now to beat up a homeless guy at Maifest in Mainstrasse.

Harley, Sr. wins a US Army baseball cap, a US Navy Seals Sweat Shirt, and a US Marine Corps Beer Mug from Patriotic Exploiters, which will all be great conversation starters at today’s Armed Forces Day Picnic. His winning entry is:

The best way to spend Armed Forces Day
Is to honor those who fight for the American Way.
Wave your flag proudly at a parade
And don’t drink the liberal Kool-Aid
Which is leading us to an advanced state of decay.

The best way to spend Armed Forces Day
That’s if it were a day off with pay
Would be to work in the yard
(Although not very hard)
Then drink lots of beer and get laid.

The best way to spend Armed Forces Day
Is to ignore what the kneepads portray.
They’ll harp on the body bags
’til your patriotism sags,
So just keep Old Glory on display.

And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s waiting to see “Bronze Star Brad’s” big Armed Forces Day Speech at the Anderson Government Center):

The Best Way to Spend Armed Forces Day
Is to get down on your knees and pray
To thank those in the military
Who now reside in the cemetery
For keeping us free in this month of May

The best way to spend Armed Forces Day
Would be remembering the price some had to pay
We’re free and secure
Because of what they had to endure
I’m proud of our military, and that’s all I have to say.

The best way to spend Armed Forces Day
Is driving left-wing protesters away
They mock our military
And they still love ex-President Barry
While 90 percent of them are gay.

Now Here’s Perturbed in Park Hill’s Over-stuffed Sonnet
The best way to spend Armed Forces Day
Is to pray for our troops in harm’s way.

For all our five branches we must care,
Since they live under rockets’ red glare.

If you’re so inclined, send them a box
With a MAGA hat and some nice warm socks,

A pack of smokes and some Nestlé’s Crunch,
(MRE’s ain’t worth shit for a munch).

But, for our troops down Mexico way,
“Catch and release” gives them feet of clay.

Chasing illegal wetback hordes
Should strike some sympathetic chords.

So send some red pills in their name
To the leftist goons who have no shame,

Who scoff that there’s no border crisis,
And not a single trace of ISIS.

D-RATS are the ones we should deport:
They’ve all had their Mueller day in court

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti”