TODAY IS
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2020
AND WE’RE ALL WONDERING WHERE THINGS STOOD AT THE SAME POINT DURING TRUMP’S 2016 PRIMARY CAMPAIGN
On Trump’s 1134th Day In Office, Still With None Of Obama’s Political Perps In The Slammer
Today’s Corresponding 2016 E-dition
It’s Time for an Intervention
The Blower never means to be intentionally unkind, but tomorrow night when the polls close in South Carolina, Ohio Governor John Kasich will have lost his third state of the 2016 Republican Presidential Primary Season, and there is no way he is even going to win any of the other 47 states remaining states or amass enough delegates to win the Republican Nomination. It is now time for our governor to stop embarrassing himself and the residents of his state and come home. Maybe that New York Times “endorsement” wasn’t such a great idea after all.
Just watch John Kasich speaking to South Carolina supporters after finishing in the bottom three at the S.C. Republican primary. Obviously, John Kasich’s strong showing in New Hampshire didn’t carry over into South Carolina.
And WTF was up with Kasich’s hugging scene with that poor miserable wretch who just wanted to get himself on TV?
Conservatives in Ohio have not been this embarrassed since Portman announced he supported same-sex marriage.
Governor Kasich, It’s Now Time To Come Home.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor
Why, it’s none other than Atwater Tadwell, named for the legendary brutal Conservative campaign consultant Lee Atwater, who always said “Perception is reality” and “Just keep stirring the pot, because you never know what will come up.”
Atwater says whatever the hell Kasich is doing out there on the campaign trail isn’t working. It’s long past time for Kasich to pack it in and go back to the Buckeye State and do the job over-taxed payers have been paying him to do.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in rewarding brutal Conservative Campaign Consultants to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Rich Becker’s “Elections are won or lost on emotions, not on logic.”
A NEW JEWISH HOLIDAY, sent in by Bibi Netanyahu
After the mid-term elections, Barack Hussein Obama, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future, she finds the answer:
“You will die on a Jewish holiday.”
“Which one?” Obama asks nervously.
“It doesn’t matter,” replied the psychic. “Whenever you die, it’ll be a Jewish holiday.”
MATH TRICK, sent in by Penn Gillette
I love math tricks and this one really works and will only take you about ten seconds!!!
Amazing it really works to reveal your all-time favorite movie.
I’m pretty good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.
Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER!
DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom
You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test
Pick a number from 1-9.
Multiply that number by 3.
Add 3.
Multiply by 3 again.
Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:
Movie List:
1. Gone With the Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama Farewell Speech After Impeachment
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
Now, isn’t that Amazing?
“DAD, ABOUT YOUR WILL” by A Chagrined Conservative
A Garrulous Geezer was telling his swimming buddy in the men’s locker room of the Lyons YMCA in Anderson who had just been oogling pretty lifeguards Casey and Alexis, “You won’t believe what happened last night…My daughter walked into the living room and said, ‘Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.’ “
“Holy Smokes,” replied the friend, “she actually said that?”
“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that, she actually said…’Dad, meet my new boyfriend -Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Hillary’s election campaign.
AND A QUICKIE from Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
The Best Bartender Joke Yet
A Suspended Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist, and, a Terrible Golfer walk into a bar.
Bartender says: “What’ll it be, Mr. President?”
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
More Stories We’re Working On
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OBAMA Not Attending Scalia’s Funeral -
TRUMP Declares Victory in South Carolina
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BERNIE Leading In National Poll
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HILLARY Booed at Town Hall Meeting
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DEMS Worry Hillary Will Be Indicted
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BIDEN Admits Middle Class Getting Crushed Under Obama
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TINGLES DREAM SCENARIO: Hillary Picks Kasich As Her VP
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they celebrated Presidents’ Day on Monday:
(A) Getting a day off with pay: 2%
(B) Buying a mattress: 1%
(C) Getting a BJ like President Clinton did: 1%
(D) Working: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIAR” AWARD
At a D-RAT town hall in Las Vegas, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders declared himself not only a “strong feminist,” but also an “honorary woman,” a distinction given to him by feminist icon Gloria Steinem.
Today’s #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month Moment
Obama Meets With, Praises #BlackLivesMatter’s DeRay McKesson for His ‘Outstanding Work Mobilizing In Baltimore’
HISTORICAL HOT LINE
E-mail your Founding Fathers’ messages today.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
The Second American Revolution
(not sanctioned by the NEA or the American Association of History Professors)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
