TODAY IS
MONDAY, JANUARY 13, 2020
BEST IMPROPER IMPEACHMENT EVER
Trump’s 1,088th Day In Office
JANUARY 13, 2017
Our countdown clock was showing how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds we had remaining until Donald Trump could begin to undo all the damage Obama had done to America during the previous eight years. And at the same time, The Blower was remembering what was happening on January 13, 2009, when there were only seven more days until Obama could begin damaging the country.
— Special “Bye-Bye RINOvich” E-dition —
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Real e-Mails from Real Subscribers
As soon as I saw Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception’s campaign poster, I decided not to run. —Senator RINOvich
After I saw Artis Conception’s photo in Monday’s Blower, I told all my supporters at my big Price Hill Chilibration that “It’s Never Too Early For A New Campaign,” since it’ll be time for the 2010 Elections in only 658 more days. —Steve Chabothead
May I expect the same high level of support from The Blower when I run for the Senate as I got for when I got my ass kicked for Vice President? —Loser Lobbyist Rob “Fighting for Lost Legacies” Portman
At least I didn’t cry at my last official press conference on Monday, like the DemocRATS always do. —President Bush, counting the minutes
That’s why we chose Tricky Dick’s: “You won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore, because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Don’t worry. Everything that goes wrong for the next four years we’ll still be blaming on Bush. —Obama Supporters in the Press
Us too! —Late Night Comedians on TV
It was a really sad day when even The Blower succumbed to parroting DemocRAT talking points about Bush in Monday’s e-dition. —Conservative Advocates
The good news is: There’ll be 5,000 no-flush port-o-lets at Obama’s Coronation in Washington. The bad news is: It’s BYOTP (Bring Your Own Toilet Paper). —The Obama Coronation Team
In just one short week our newborn savior will take his sacred oath of office. So, please plan to attend one of the MoveOn.org President Barack Hussein Obama Inaugural Bashes in your area! —Our Obsessive Compulsive Obama Supporting Friend Tom
I thought Tom’s “stimulus package” was pretty good the other day. But I really, really, really can’t wait to get a good look at the package President-for-life Barack Hussein Obama is planning to drive home. —Tom’s Obamaniacal Wife Rose
If you don’t have anything to wear, we’re selling really cool “Party Like a Barack Star” Hooded Sweat Shirts for only $54.99 plus shipping. —MoveOn.Org
I’m not sure what these people are selling, but I just ordered three of them. —Bobby Leach
Do you think Obama will be to “BS” what I was to “BJs?” —Monica Blewclintski
Please don’t call me a wussie just because on Monday, my first official act was to cave in and vote for Devious DemocRAT David A. Pepper as the President of the Hamilton County Board of Commissioners. —Me, Greg Hartmann
The reason I had to take that part-time job with $tan Che$ley is because no self-respecting Republican law firm would make me an offer. —“JayWalking Joe” Deters
Saturday when I opened my property tax bill, it was a whole lot less than last year, thanks to my long-time friend, the Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street). —Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz
Did you see all my press releases about all those liberal whackos endorsing me to fill Little Lord John Joseph Cranley IV’s empty seat on clown-cil? —Brian Garry
People are wondering what kind of political portent it was it when we scheduled our upcoming Lincoln-Reagan-Che$ley Day Dinner of a Friday the 13th. —Hamilton County RINO Party
May I still count on The Blower’s enthusiastic endorsement for that Republican National Committee Chairman’s job? —Buckwheat Blackwell
How can The Blower endorse Buckwheat when Rick “The Batboy” Robinson is using his business e-mail to solicit funds so Bluegrass Boy Mike Duncan can keep his job as RNC Chairman? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
On this date in 1864, Stephen Foster died at the age of 37. Foster wrote many famous songs, including “Camptown Races” and “My Old Kentucky Home,” where the darkies are always happy and gay. — Hurley the Historian
Please don’t ask if they had a Chippendale guy popping out of my birthday cake on Sunday. —Miss Vicki
The NFL playoff schedule is really confusing. Please tell us which team the Bungals play next. —TV 19 News
Now you know why I finally had enough of those morons. —Jack Atherton
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of clueless politicians to show that unqualified candidates will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who does not call a press conference at his home in Terrace Park at 8AM.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially The Portman for Senate Campaign.
Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers.
PORTMAN FOR U.S. SENATE HOT LINE
e-mail your campaign strategy suggestions today.
Whistleblower Video Of The Day
The 2012 Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition
Some iambic pentameter items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally iambic pentameter Subscribers. 