TODAY IS
SUNDAY, JUNE 09, 2019
Trump’s 870th Day In Office
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says John Wayne died on this Tuesday’s date in 1979.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose The Duke’s “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway,” but the one we like best was “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: We found this offensive ode in his latest book “Racist Poems to Riot By,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Scaring the Suburbanites
The next time you go downtown to get mugged,
Be careful when you meet your first thug.
He might not think you’re funny,
If instead of your money,
You offer to give that thug a hug.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “EXPLOITING THE FLAG” every politician was taking part in the Annual Flag Day Parade, and our three Corrupt County Commissioners were about the best ways to exploit the best ways to exploit the day’s events. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER is wondering if Convicted D-RAT Fake Judge Tracie Hunter will ever be going to jail.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says says following record levels of confidence in the job market, Americans are more optimistic than ever about the ability to get a job, work hard and succeed in America today. Fewer Than Ever Now Know Someone Out of Work Americans See a Brighter Future for College Grads
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
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LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” In Human Events’ ,” #164, Quote Liberal Hero Karl Marx: “There is only one way to kill capitalism—by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.”
JOHN GALT says “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says after declining in May, stock markets got off to a strong start in June. Both the S&P 500 (SNPINDEX: ^GSPC) and the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJINDICES: ^DJI) gained over 4% last week so that both indexes are back in double-digit return territory for 2019.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. That’s probably why all those freeloaders waited in a long line for a FREE Krispy Kreme doughnut on Donut Day.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how many of those airhead anchor-babes actually knew what the “D” In “D-Day” stands for. “The ‘D’ in ‘D-Day’ stands for ‘DAY’,” Kane explained, “the day on which an important operation is to begin or a change to take effect. For example, D-Day for The Trumpster’s re-election comes in only 512 more days.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio DemocRAT Party Boss David Pepper, when we casually mention his name Friday on Flag Day.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JUNE 10) we’ll be featuring our “Early Flag Day” E-dition, remembering those who have fought and died to protect it.
TUESDAY (JUNE 11) we’ll be honoring Old Glory and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will tell us if any of the boys are rallying around the Flag.
WEDNESDAY (JUNE 12), The Blower will again be reminding Persons of Consequence not only be celebrating Flag Day on Friday, but we’ll also be signing Donald Trump’s Birthday card for Melania to make it his best birthday ever.
THURSDAY (JUNE 13) we’ll be featuring another Liberal Media Bias Update, because surely we’ll see some by then.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JUNE 14) LIMERICK IS “To honor your dad on this Father’s Day,”
AND SATURDAY (JUNE 15) is Trump Coming Down The Escalator Day, because that’s what we were all watching four years ago on that date.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
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Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
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