WEDNESDAY, MAY 24, 2017

Understanding Our Disclaimers

In a recent e-dition, The Whistleblower published comments from two guys who were shocked that one of our snitches had not told us the unvarnished truth. One of the e-mailers (the guy who quoted Hitler) must not have been a Person of Consequence, since he obviously didn’t know how The Blower works.

Because unlike other media blogs, which pretend to care about maintaining a dose of civility, The Whistleblower might still contain unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, vulgar, pornographic, profane, or even indecent information.

Sometimes The Blower uses racial and ethnic slurs to show that bigotry of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a total retard.

Sometimes The Blower uses gay bashing to show that intolerance of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a real flamer, or somebody who just found out his son is afflicted with the gayness.

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of dead people to show that necrophilia in public is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a stiff.

Sometimes The Blower questions a person’s motives to show that dishonesty of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official.

And sometimes The Blower even borrows a phrase to show that plagiarism of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t on the Idiotorial Board at the Morning Fishwrap.

Previously We’ve Used Three Basic Disclaimers

The First says: “This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental.”

The Second says: “This publication is a not work of fiction. No names have been changed to protect the innocent. Screw the innocent!”

And for Balance, the Third says: “This publication is sometimes a work of fiction, but it may still contain inappropriate remarks and unsupported personal attacks.”

Also, you must understand that The Whistleblower Newswire is a dramatization drawn from a variety of sources, including the 9/11 Commission Report and other published materials and from personal interviews. Inspired by incredibly true stories, The Blower is not a documentary, nor is it authorized by the Commissioner of Baseball. For dramatic and narrative purposes, The Blower contains fictionalized scenes, composite and representative characters and dialogue, as well as time compression.

Let’s face it, folks: Sometimes we just make stuff up, and sometimes we don’t, and the fun for most Persons of Consequence who’ve groveled to get on our e-mail list has always been trying to figure out which is which.

The reason for some people’s entire existence is to whine about having their feelings hurt, and you must admit we’re doing our best to accommodate them. We try to use every bit of the First Amendment and then some.

Blower E-ditions are intended for the addressee shown. They contain information that is confidential and protected from disclosure. Any review, dissemination or use of this transmission or its contents by persons or unauthorized employees of the intended organizations are strictly prohibited. The contents of this e-mail do not necessarily represent the views or policies of The Whistleblower, its staff, or management.

Now it’s time to reaffirm Our Beloved Whistleblower Motto (Let’s all say it together): “Because wherever there’s corruption, we’ll be there. Wherever there’s injustice, we’ll be there. And wherever there’s a bunch of big guys beating up on a little guy, we’ll be there too…holding the little guy down, and that goes double for Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (who unsuccessfully sued us for defamation), Anderson Township’s Masturbating Trustee Kevin O’Brien (whom we hounded out of office just for fun), and Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP (who is still wandering in the wilderness).

Remember what Wild-and-Crazy Steve Martin (the comedian, not the judge) used to say: “An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! It’s beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.”

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN remembers that date in 1984, when DemocRAT Presidential Candidate Walter Mondale named Geraldine Ferraro as his vice-presidential running mate, and women in politics have been an embarrassment ever since, almost as much as the men.

THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Geraldine Ferraro’s “President Reagan’s one-liners were terrific.”

FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane who was the most embarrassing female politician he had ever met. “Surely, you jest,” Kane quipped. And then he unbuttoned his shirt.

WHISTLEBLOWER MOTTO HOT LINE

e-mail names of people you’d like to see pummeled today.

Some unapologetic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers.

Whistleblower Video of the Day

Maybe We Should Use a Disclaimer Like This

Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Steve Martin   (The Judge, Not the Comedian.) 

Note: We guarantee iPhones subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.