FRIDAY, MAY 12, 2017
Mother’s Day Madness
This week, everybody who’s glad his mother didn’t ditch him in a dumpster, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is MF Goodson, who says his mother deserves a much better Mother’s Day than he’s able to afford without asking her for the money.

MF wins a “World’s Worst Mom” coffee mug from K-mart, a Mother’s Day Card his wife made with crappy clip art downloaded from the internet, and a voice-mail message from the nursing home reminding him that he hasn’t called visited his own mother for the last six months. His winning entry is:

This Sunday, will be your Mother’s Day.
To show her you’re grateful, you’d say,
Thanks for making me wear dresses,
And for brushing my tresses,
It’s no wonder I turned out to be gay.”

And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course):
This Sunday, will be your Mother’s Day.
And you bought her a lovely bouquet.
If you’d said “Come to our house,”
She would’ve made you feel like a louse
If you’d send her home when she wanted to stay.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The best way to spend Armed Forces Day.”