SUNDAY, MAY 7, 2017
ANOTHER LEWD TRUMP JOKE: Bill Maher joined CBS Late Night Comedian Stephen Colbert this week when he crossed the line on Friday night with just another lewd Trump joke. The HBO Real Time host mimicked Ivanka Trump performing a sexual act on her father. Maher had previously made an incest joke about Ivanka in November along the same lines. And don’t forget, Fox News’ Jesse Watters had to go on vacation when things got hot over his Ivanka BJ joke the week before. Johnny Carson must be turning over in his grave.
Even a bigger joke tonight was when Obama showed up in Boston to pick up his “Profile in Courage Award” from the Kennedys (the 60s version of the Clintons) and nobody at The Fishwrap caught the irony of it.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1789, George Washington attended his inaugural ball, but unlike Bill Clinton, he didn’t get a single BJ. And on this date in 1763, the Pontiac Rebellion began, but it wasn’t until this week in 2011 that General Motors recalled their Hummers.
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE says they were trying to find us a good Hummer quote, but all they could find on the internet were places where you could rent a Hummer limousine in Anderson.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time for Mother’s Day Madness next Sunday, we found this in his “I’ve Forgotten Mama,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
There’ll soon be a day for your Mother
A day we treat like no other.
When she heard God’s voice
And then make her choice
She said, “You, I won’t bother to smother.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “PROFITING FROM EXPERIENCE,” our three Corrupt Commissioners from Patronage County were recalling that time many years before they borrowed a county car to cross the Great Divide and join the overflow audience at the Gannett Foundation Distinguished Felons Lecture Series at Thomas More College. The star attractions were Watergate conspirator John Dean III and Senate Watergate chief counsel Sam Dash, reflecting on Watergate a decade earlier. This op-ed column was updated from the April 28, 1982 edition of the feisty Mt. Washington Press, personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says most voters don’t trust political polls and tend to think pollsters are out to stop President Trump’s agenda. Just 26% of Likely U.S. Voters say they trust most political polls. The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone and online survey finds that 55% do not trust most political polls. Nineteen percent (19%) are undecided.
THIS WEEK, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS WERE STILL MAKING SOME REALLY LAME TRUMP JOKES THESE DAYS, LIKE JIMMY FALLON’S: The Today the House voted to pass the Republican healthcare bill before taking an 11-day recess. They say they’re going to use the break to kick back, relax, and finally read the bill they just voted for.
JAMES CORDEN: In case Today isn’t only Cinco de Mayo, it’s also the one-year anniversary of this [Trump] tweet: “Happy #CincodeMayo. I love Hispanics!” You know, a year has gone by, but I’m just as embarrassed today as I was the day it was posted.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Guest hosted by Kristen Bell. No Trump Jokes.
SETH MEYERS: House Republicans today voted on and passed an Obamacare replacement bill without knowing how much it could cost. Though I’m not surprised — they also voted on an Obama replacement without knowing the cost.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER wonders how many Green Township voters were escorted out of their polling places on Tuesday because they were wearing Trump “Make America Great Again” hats.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
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LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #130 is an anagram: “President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish.”
JOHN GALT says “Happiness is possible only to a rational man, the man who desires nothing but rational goals, seek nothing but rational values and finds his joy in nothing but rational actions. “
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says both the House and Senate passed a funding bill for the federal government for the rest of fiscal year 2017 (through September 30), thereby averting a government shutdown (see below). The House also passed a comprehensive health care bill that is designed to replace most of Obamacare with new plans and programs (see below). The Senate approved the nomination of Jay Clayton to serve as Chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Next Week: The House will be on recess next week. The Senate may consider the nomination of Robert Lighthizer to serve as U.S. Trade Representative.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others.
And thanks to a little-known government program called Federal Residential Renewable Energy Tax Credit, middle class homeowners in specific zip codes are getting $1,000’s in tax credits and rebates to install solar panels usually for $0 out of their own pocket. If your zip code qualifies, the Federal Residential Renewable Energy Tax Credit will pay you to go solar! Find out if your zip code qualifies
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why there wasn’t any special mention of World Press Freedom Day on Tuesday. In 1993, the UN General Assembly proclaimed May 3 each year to be World Press Freedom Day, and each year, UNESCO awards the UNESCO/Guillermo Cano World Press Freedom Prize to someone who has made a major contribution towards journalistic freedom.
“We didn’t win this year’s award,” Kane explained, since the 2017 Prize was awarded to Dawit Isaak, the imprisoned Eritrean-born journalist who will be represented by his daughter, Bethelem Isaak, during a ceremony that will be hosted by Joko Widodo, the President of Indonesia. “But I understand we were a runner up.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio RINO Senator Rob “Fighting for Same-Sex Marriage” Portman, who’s still trying to put as much distance between him and Trump as possible, without alienating Trump’s fired-up voting base. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows Portman trying to explain to a Conservative exactly where he stands.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (MAY 8) we’ll be celebrating “VE Day,” hoping some of our Dumbed-Down Fishwrap readers might actually know why that should be important.
TUESDAY (MAY 9) we’ll be reporting on how all those politicians were exploiting Mother’s Day on Sunday, and “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will be doing their best to criticize the worst offenders.
WEDNESDAY (MAY 10), The Blower will be featuring our Annual “Moms and MILFs” E-dition, as we spend the entire week trying to get ready for Mother’s Day.
THURSDAY (MAY 11) we’ll be reminding you not to use the word “Thug,” now that the Political Correctness Police say they’ll be calling you a racist.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (MAY 12) LIMERICK IS “The best way to celebrate your Mother’s Day.”
AND SATURDAY (May 13) you might expect just a little more Mother’s Day exploitation, in case you forget the big day will be on Sunday.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
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Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
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Hillary’s Fragrance
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