TODAY IS
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2019
TRUMP’S 1346th DAY IN OFFICE

And A Whole Lot of People Need to Atone This Year

Yom Kippur begins tonight at sundown and tomorrow will be the most holy day of the year in the Jewish religion. It’s the time each year Jews are supposed to fast (beginning at 5:53 EDT) for an entire day and ask God to forgive them for all their transgressions during the previous year, especially all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Now Plan To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Joe Biden, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19, as well as The Fishwrap, which endorsed Crooked Hillary in 2016.

BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, WORST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY, who’s already ruined the country and will still have 391 more days remaining to watch Trump undo his legacy during his first term, will never atone.

HILLARY CLINTON, whose campaign is still covering up all those times she called somebody a “Fucking Jew Bastard,  still hasn’t atoned

DONALD TRUMP, who just can’t stop winning, still hasn’t atoned.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says political parties that schedule events on Yom Kippur need to atone.

DISGRACED RINO EX-HOUSE SPEAKER PAUL RYAN, whose top advisor leaked that PussyGate Video to the Washington Post, still hasn’t atoned.

SENILE SENATOR BITCH McCONNELL, who should stop screwing around and just pass that damn Nuclear Option in the Senate, still hasn’t atoned.

CONGRESSMAN “BRONZE STAR BRAD” WENSTRUP, who hasn’t yet invited us to stay in his $1.1 million house next Tuesday when we’re in Washington, D.C., still hasn’t atoned.

DELUSIONAL EX-OHIO REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR KASICH, still trying to stay relevant during the 2020 Presidential Campaign, still hasn’t atoned.

FORMER CLERMONT COUNTY COMMISSIONER DAVE UIBLE, whose Clermont County Republican Central Committee removed Republican Governor John Kasich’s name from their sample ballot years ago, still hasn’t atoned.

THE ENTIRE CINCINNATI REDS ORGANIZATION, fooled everybody and actually got into the playoffs, still haven’t felt it necessary to atone.

THE CINCINNATI BUNGALS, who promise to win at least one game this year, still haven’t atoned.

FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS, who have abandoned all pretense of objectivity and fairness since enorsing Crooked Hillary in 2016, still haven’t atoned. 

ROB “FIGHTING FOR FAGELLAS” PORTMAN, who is probably still un-endorsed by the Ohio TEA Party, still hasn’t atoned.

HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP, who guaranteed Cincinnati would have a Disingenuous D-RAT Mayor for at least the next eight years by not even putting up a candidate in 2013, still hasn’t atoned.

DISGUISED D-RAT JOHN CRANLEY AND EXTREMELY LIBERAL D-RAT FOXY ROXY QUALLS, who didn’t appear the least bit embarrassed to endorse Crooked Hillary for president in 2016, still haven’t atoned.

THE SOUL FOOD SIX (Clown-sale Members Wendell Young, Charlie Winburn, rich heiress boy Alexander Paul George Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin’, and Cecil Thomas), who voted to piss away $1 Million of over-taxed payers’ money on Deadbeat Liz Rogers’ failed Mahogany’s Restaurant at the Banks, still haven’t atoned.  

THE STUPID STEETCAR SIX (Clown- sale Members Flynn Flam,” Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback, P.G. Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, and Wendell Young, along with Vice Mayor David Mann), who foolishly believed Dainty DemocRAT Mark Mallory’s Trolley Folly would revive Cincinnati’s Economy, still haven’t atoned.

HAMILTON COUNTY PROSECUTOR “JAYWALKING JOE” DETERS, who still delights in hounding poor Black Women like DemocRAT Vote Frauder Melowese Richardson and Ditzy Juvenile Court Judge Traci Hunter into prison, still hasn’t atoned.

AVARICIOUS ATTORNEY CHRIS FINNEY, who tried to put the Ohio Elections Commission out of business after Liberal Whacko Judge Tim Black’s ruling awarding politicians the “Right to Lie” during political campaigns, after Finney churned all those billable hours dragging “Mean Jean” Schmidt in front of that same Ohio Elections Commission, still hasn’t atoned.   

DISBARRED, GREEDY, HEARSE-CHASING, DISGRACED DEMOCRAT, CLINTON-LOVING, FEN-PHEN SCANDAL PLAGUED, NOT-YET-INDICTED TRIAL ATTORNEY $TAN CHE$LEY, who used to pass out his business cards when he ushered at Plum Street Temple on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, still hasn’t atoned.

THE LEAGUE OF WOMEN VIPERS, who never signed the Whistleblower Pledge to allow the audience to say the Pledge of Allegiance when Former Feckless Fishwrap Editrix Wedgie Washburn gave her opening remarks at the Campaign Forum between Returning 27th Ohio House District State Rep-Tile “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman and his unnamed D-RAT Opponent at the Anderson Center, still hasn’t atoned.   

OUR GOOD FRIEND, KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, who must’ve forgotten to send us our link for this week’s “This Week in Kenton County Circuit Court” with all those pictures of druggies, scumbags, suspected hookers, and even a few pedophiles, still hasn’t atoned

THAT CABAL OF NOKY ATTORNEYS STILL OUT TO DESTROY ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS  who still can’t stop celebrating “Crazy Eric’s” many misfortunes which are totally deserved and then some, still haven’t atoned.             

RICK “THE BATBOY” ROBINSON, who invited us to lunch tomorrow since he knew we couldn’t go on Yom Kippur, while his former Graydon Head Partners have been making Jews feel welcome in Northern Kentucky since 2003, still hasn’t atoned.

BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO, who tried to get the day off for Yom Kippur by claiming he was Jewish, still hasn’t atoned.

HORNY IN HEBRON, who forgot to e-mail us our Friday Porn Package, still hasn’t atoned.

OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who ironically said “We’re sorry,” for not being able to come up with a decent quote for our Yom Kippur E-dition, still haven’t atoned.

FINALLY, BELOVED WHISTLEBLOWER PUBLISHER CHARLES FOSTER KANE, who says, “But what if you haven’t done anything to atone for?,” hasn’t atoned yet and probably never will.

Atone and Groan

This week, everybody who wondered what Jews would be atoning for this Yom Kippur, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Sammy Schlepper, who says “Ask my wife. She can tell you all the things I need to atone for from the day we first met.”

Since Yom Kippur, apart from being the Day of Atonement, is also the day to give and receive of gifts, Sammy wins an “I Love Yom Kippur” T-Shirt, a “Jesus Was Jewish” bumper sticker, and an invitation to Rick Robinson’s Yom Kippur Lunch at the WOK on Saturday. His winning entry is:

On Yom Kippur Jews always atone
For things God does not condone.
But next year they say
More attention we’ll pay
To politicians we should disown.

And from the Anderson Laureate (who has enough problems going to Confession):

On Yom Kippur Jews always atone
But this year, they’ll REALLY weep and moan
Jews voted for Obama by 79%
Yahweh, please make them repent!
This awful truth chills me to the bone.

He made nice to the Arabs and Hamas
And kissed the behind of Abbas
Though they gave him their trust
He threw Israel under the bus
I hope this year, like Duran, Jews will say “no mas!”

REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.

OFFICIAL YOM KIPPUR HOTLINE

e-mail your awesome atonements today.

Some penitent items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally penitent subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER YOM KIPPUR VIDEOS

(Sent in by Schnozzy Heimlich, c/o “Jews for Jesus,” Cincinnati, Ohio.)

 Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

 Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here