TODAY IS
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2020
Trump’s 1346th Day In Office
September 27, 2020 Vol. V A Response to “James E. Jones”
My Dear Friends and Benefactors,
I am even now still shaking with rage and righteous indignation at the deceitful intrusion into our safe, germ-free community – by a mere Hollywood actor, no less – in order to pepper you with lies! Did we leave the worldly kingdom for the safety of our People’s Temple, only to be invaded by that kingdom? No!
Have I tried to protect you from deadly microbes, only to have you assured that they aren’t deadly? No!
Have I tried to protect you from deadly thinking, only to have you seduced by a serpent? No!
Have I ever lied to you? No!
When I discovered that the unthinkable had happened – our communications firewall had been breached – I was horrified and outraged. Not even so much at the inexcusable act of macroaggression and cyber-vandalism this shameful individual had perpetrated, but at the poison which this despicable person has injected into your minds. Yet more evidence that we in the People’s Temple, treasured stockholders of Healthy Lives Matter, must shield ourselves from a dangerous world!
You will be pleased to note that I, as your Supreme Pastor, have now taken swift and decisive action to repair the damage done:
1. I have placed our Communications Director into a solitary confinement cabana for one week, for his laxity and failure to be vigilant against our enemies. When he has completed appropriate reparations personally with me, he may resume his post;
2. As you know, from the very beginning of this pandemic, I have modeled our response to this dreaded disease on the eminently just policies enacted by the People’s Republic of China, the most advanced Marxist Utopia and Open Society on the planet (and China’s response, I remind you, is based on a 2010 report by the Rockefeller Foundation, our Marxist allies in high places). In fact, since Bishop Sorondo in the Vatican told the world that “at this moment, those who best realize the social doctrine of the Church are the Chinese,” (Isn’t it extraordinary? We have fellow Communists in the Vatican now!), I’ve decided to model our behavior even more closely on PRC policies.
Therefore, effective immediately, thanks to my extensive studies on China’s internet regulations, the filtering of our online network to eliminate harmful online content will be as follows:
a. DNS spoofing;
b. Blocking access to a list of IP addresses;
c. Analyzing and filtering URLs;
d. Packet inspection;
e. Resetting connections;
f. Use of artificial intelligence algorithms to police and suppress dangerous content.
This will especially include the censoring of all social media outlets, to prevent dangerous opinions from reaching you. I will evaluate the effectiveness of these measures after two weeks.
Meanwhile, this traumatic experience has made me realize that I need some intensive, stress-free recovery time. 
Consequently, I’ve decided to spend two weeks under the constant care of our specially trained masseuses and aroma therapists. But don’t lose heart: one of our trusted new disciples will be writing to you, to strengthen your resolve and fortify you with courage. His name is Huey, and I trust you will be greatly edified by his messages.
Yours for a healthier Temple,
(Rev.) Jim Jones
Supreme Pastor and CEO, Healthier Lives Matter
Little St. James Island