TODAY IS
TUESDAY, JANUARY 28, 2020
AND WE’RE RIDICULING THE D-RAT’S MOST IMBECILIC IMPEACHMENT TRIAL
On Trump’s 1103rd Day In Office

It’s Just Like Voting, Only Different

Today at Forrest Gump High School, Whistleblower Education Editor Rod Sparechild was observing the Civics Lesson where the teacher was trying to explain “Everything The Class Didn’t Really Care To Hear About A Caucus,” which was a very timely subject, since the 2020 Presidential Primary Season will officially begin with the Iowa Caucuses, in only five more days at 1,744 precincts across the Hawkeye State — including churches, libraries, and even living rooms.

In Iowa, instead of waiting in line to cast your vote at a polling location and having the Board of Elections screw up your ballot like what happened last time in Hamilton County, voters get to attend a “Caucus,” where members of the same political party meet in person to discuss the candidates and debate their merits. Voting for candidates happens either by raising hands or by separating into groups, and votes are counted manually by counting the number of supporters of each candidate.

Republican Voters go to a Republican Caucus to pick which Republicans to support, and D-RATS go to a D-RAT Caucus to pick which D-RATS to support.

The teacher then explained that the caucus system was the original way political parties chose their candidates. However, people began to feel that the secret ballot would be a fairer, more democratic system and in the beginning of the 20th century, states began to move to the primary system because the caucus format favored candidates who have a dedicated and organized following where a small band of devoted volunteers could exert an over-sized influence in the open setting of a caucus.

At the end of the class, the teacher asked students how they might like voting at Caucus, instead of at a polling place. “It sounds cool,” answered the Salutatorian, “so long as we could text each other on our iPhones like we do at school and we would actually have to talk to each other to communicate.”