FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2016

Thanksgiving Traditions

This week, everybody who thinks Thanks-getting would be even more fun than Thanksgiving, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Sidney Stuffit, who says the best part about Thanksgiving at Grandma’s house is taking a nap following the after-dinner farting contest during the football game. Sidney wins a reprint of The Blower’s “Things That Sound Dirty on Thanksgiving,” a chance to be a judge at Phil Burr-ass’ Phallic Mashed Potato Sculpture Contest, and front-row seats at the annual re-enactment of Miles Standish’s gay naked gravy-wrestling match with Squanto. His winning limerick is:

The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Is the NFL Instant Replay.
Now if only our wives would agree
To serve us with more esprit
And cut to the chase without foreplay.

The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Is not watching the Bungals play.
The Ben-gals are a luscious diversion,
But to Mikey’s boys we have an aversion
Since they only play the game halfway.

The best part of Thanksgiving Day,
Is having the family for a short stay,
We’ve made a deal,
That after the meal,
We’ll be watching their tail lights as they drive away.

Dishonorable Mentions
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Will be watching the NFL play.
But over at the Obama White House
Every homosexual socialist louse
Will be gleefully toasting our nation’s decay.

The best part of Thanksgiving Day,
Is two days off with normal pay,
The NFL all day long,
You just can’t go wrong,
We don’t have to watch the Bungals play!

The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Before dinner, with your family you pray;
But you gorge down your food,
And with your in-laws in a bad mood,
Makes you wish you were far, far away.

The best part about Thanksgiving Day
Is when everyone finally goes away.
The kitchen’s a wreck,
And the place looks like heck,
Next year, it’s at YOUR house, Okay?

The best part about Thanksgiving Day
Is after you put the turkey away
You lie down on the couch
No longer a grouch
‘Cause football chased the talking heads away.

From Northern Kentucky
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
(Besides getting the day off with pay)
Is to sit on your ass
While you have your wife pass
More white meat and dressing your way.

The best part about Thanksgiving Day
When the guests have all gone away
You can unplug the phone
And with a hottie be alone
And it’s time for a roll in the hay!

The best part of Thanksgiving Day
It’s always a “day off with pay.”
But with Obama’s greedy guile
We all bend over and smile,
And give thanks while we drive it away.

And from the Unlicensed Anderson Laureate (who says he’s not a sore loser, he’s just a Real Republican):
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Is getting the day off with pay
But if you’re retired like me
Every day is free
If you’re lucky, you’ll get a roll in the hay.

I grew up in the US a free man
But our freedom is now in the can
With Obama in charge
Our problems are large
Last Election Day, the shit hit the fan.

This arrogant egotistic narcissist
Makes me terribly pissed
He thinks he’s divine
(In his mind, not mine)
My objections would make a long list.

But back to the theme for this week:
Some comfort and solace I seek;
At least I’m still living
For this, I’m Thanks-giving
But our country is still up the creek.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Is there help for the old GOP?”