Special “Podium Wars” E-dition


Now Everybody Will Be Wondering What Hillary Will Be Standing On

image005At this morning’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the way NBC was gaming the Optics at tonight’s First Presidential Debate with a custom-made podium to enlarge Hillary’s stature and visibility.

“Everybody knew last week how NBC would try to aid Hillary’s optics with a custom designed debate platform intended to give the viewer the false illusion of scale and scope,” Kane explained. Well, it appears that NBC has image008done exactly that. A comparison of both debate podiums reflects that one is visibly larger, and taller, than the other; and a debate standing platform was evident as the stage was being set up.

Do you think it will go totally unnoticed by all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Now Plan To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19?

Now For Some Historical Perspective

“Actually, as any graduate of the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools can tell you, Custom Podiums are right there in the Declaration of Independence,” Kane added, because Thomas Jefferson wrote, “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Custom Podiums.”

image006And even the Pledge of Allegiance says, “One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and Custom Podiums for all.”

image006Do you remember when Patrick Henry said, “Give me a Custom Podium or give me a death?”

image006Nathan Hale said, “I regret that I have but one Custom Podium to give to my Country.”

image006John Paul Jones said, “I have not yet begun to Fight For A Custom Podium.”

image006George Washington said, “I cannot tell a lie. I’m standing on a Custom Podium.”

image006Samuel Adams said, “Someday they’ll name a beer after me, and when they do, I’ll be standing at a Custom Podium.”

image006Daniel Webster said, “One country, one constitution, one destiny, and many Custom Podiums.”

image006At Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln said, “The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget Custom Podiums.”

image006William Tecumseh Sherman said, “War is hell– without Custom Podiums.”

image006George Armstrong Custer said, “Where in the hell did all those Custom Podiums come from?”

image006Woodrow Wilson said, “The world must be made safe for Custom Podiums.”

image006Will Rogers said, “I never met a Custom Podiums I didn’t like.”

image006General George S. Patton said, “No bastard ever won a war dying for his Custom Podium. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for his Custom Podium.”

image006FDR said, “We have nothing to fear but Government Shutdowns.”

image006Douglas McArthur said, “I shall return– for a Custom Podium.”

image006Harry Truman said, “The Custom Podium stops here.”

image006Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “I think that people want Custom Podiums so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.”

image006Albert Einstein said, “”The hardest thing in the world to understand is a Custom Podium.”

image006Sigmund Freud said, “Most of men’s problems can be traced to their subconscious feelings about Custom Podiums.”

image006John Kennedy said, “Ask not what you can do for your Custom Podiums.”

image006Neil Armstrong said, “A small step for man, one giant step for Custom Podiums.

image006Barry Goldwater said, “Extremism in the defense of Custom Podiums is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of Custom Podiums is no virtue.”

image006Vince Lombardi said, “Custom Podiums aren’t everything.”

image006Ronald Reagan said, “My fellow Americans. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union. We begin Government Shutdowns in five minutes.”

image006John Wayne said, “Sure Women have the right to work wherever they want, as long as they have your dinner ready when you get home standing on a Custom Podiums.”

image006Rev. Martin Luther King said, “I had a dream about Custom Podiums.”

image006Bill Clinton lied, “I did not have sex with that woman kneeling inside a Custom Podium.”

image006Charlton Heston said, “Let my Custom Podiums go.”

image006At every patriotic rally, Lee Greenwood always sings, “God Bless the Custom Podiums.”

image006George W. Bush said, “Custom Podiums Accomplished.”

image006Not to be outdone, Obama now still insists that only Mean-Spirited Republicans pay their fair share for Custom Podiums.

image006And Donald Trump says, “Hillary’s Custom Podium is YUGE!”image003

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