Tag Archives: The Onion

“NOT NECESSARILY THE NEWS” (10/03/2023)

WE’RE CATCHING UP, SO THIS E-DITION FROM THE ARCHIVES IS FOR TUESDAY, OCTOBER 03, 2023

TRUMP’S NINE-HUNDRED-AND-EIGHTY-SIXTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE 

HERE’S SOMETHING YOU WON’T SEE ON THE NIGHTY NEWS

— TODAY’S SATIRICAL WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO —

More Frightening But 100% True Facts About Guns

Satirical Web Pages Are Not Just For Laughs.
They Show A Focused Picture Of How People Are Reacting To The News Of The Day.

 Satire matters for more than one reason, but its main goal is to raise awareness about the current state of affairs and challenge their viewpoints by using humor and irony. It helps us confront the unpleasant reality and see the world as it is so that we can improve it

As news dropped that former President Donald Trump may soon be facing his fifth federal indictment, Democrats were quick to explain that no American citizen is above the law they only selectively enforce.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Disingenuous D-RATS on Capitol Hill called an emergency meeting to prepare a massive $12 billion funding bill to determine the origin and purpose of the multiple small, red, panel thingies found on the walls of hallways throughout the U.S. Capitol complex.

“We must find out what these mystery devices are and what they are used for,” said Pelosi’s Boy Toy from his office in Lebanon, Ohio. “After recently finding out they are not used to open doors, we must prioritize learning who put these things here and what magical powers they may possess.”

Congressional business ground to a halt after groups of Democrat lawmakers were seen huddled around the wall-mounted devices in befuddled consternation. “Don’t touch it!” Boy Toy was heard slurring. “We don’t know what it does. It might open an interdimensional portal. I heard about those at a secret meeting and I’m not sure we want to open one here. Unless there’s vodka.”

 

THE ONIONBABYLON BEENOW…LET’S COMPARE OUR OBVIOUS POLITICAL PARODIES WITH THIS ACTUAL WASHINTON POST  REPORTGannett ordered our local Morning Fishwrap to roll back op-eds after “repelling readers” with biased articles
• Readers didn’t want to be told what to do or how to think
• They were perceived as having a ‘biased agenda’ so Readers were canceling subscriptions
• The company is decreasing its editorial output and even scaling back cartoons
• The newspapers will no longer make political endorsements beyond a local level, like when The Fishwrap endorsed Crooked Hillary For President.

Can You Tell If This Is The Real Story?

HERE’S HOW MUCH WE OWE

Visit USADebtClock.com to learn more!

The Whistleblower Newswire Is Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda

The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop crusade for Election Integrity and against Coordinated Leftist Insurrection and the Devolution of Our American Culture while Congress, the Deep State, and the Radical Media Establishment continue to lie to advance their Coordinated Leftist Agenda.

But first, we must see a Corleone  Political Reckoning on Election Integrity Along With Indictments And Perp Walks For Laws Broken During The Illegal 2020 Presidential Election, without which nothing else really matters.

Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda is watching to see if any progress is made during the next 395 (at press time) days before the 2024 elections.