Tag Archives: The Onion

“NOT NECESSARILY THE NEWS” (10/14/2023)

TODAY IS
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2023
TRUMP’S NINE-HUNDRED-AND-NINETY-SEVENTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND HERE’S SOMETHING YOU WON’T SEE ON THE NIGHTY NEWS

— TODAY’S SATIRICAL WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO —

Trump’s Middle East Speech in 2017 Is the Type of Leadership the World Needs Right Now

Satirical Web Pages Are Not Just For Laughs.
They Show A Focused Picture Of How People Are Reacting To The News Of The Day.

 Satire matters for more than one reason, but its main goal is to raise awareness about the current state of affairs and challenge their viewpoints by using humor and irony. It helps us confront the unpleasant reality and see the world as it is so that we can improve it

As news dropped that former President Donald Trump may soon be facing his fifth federal indictment, Democrats were quick to explain that no American citizen is above the law they only selectively enforce.

GAZA — Members of the terrorist organization Hamas were left frustrated after hearing many Democrats in Congress were skeptical that Hamas had brutally massacred over 1,300 Jewish civilians after Hamas had put serious effort into livestreaming the atrocities.

Despite the live video evidence from Hamas itself, documents from Hamas showing elementary schools as intended targets, thousands of photographs, and eyewitness testimony from both sides of the massacre, many liberals in the United States remain unconvinced that Hamas committed mass murder. “Sounds like a Jewish trick to me,” said PELOSI’S BOY TOY, a proud Biden supporter.

GAZA CITY, GAZA—The complicity of each and every Palestinian in the violent actions of their militant ruling authority was reportedly on full display Friday morning when dying Gazans received justified criticism for not using their last words to condemn Hamas. For example, instead of issuing a full-throated denunciation of the violent attacks by Hamas that have left over 1,300 Israelis dead, one dying woman holding her 6-year-old son who had just been killed in a bombing is said to have doubled down by telling her child she loved him. According to reports, such barbarism on the part of Palestinians was on full display across the Gaza Strip, where many men of fighting age could not muster a single world of reproof for Hamas’ actions while they coughed up blood. In war-ravaged Gaza City, a dying reporter was heard blatantly begging for help instead of labeling Hamas a terrorist organization. At press time, the Israeli Defense Forces Twitter account underscored the massive surge of contempt they were contending with by posting a video that featured the shocking savagery of a Palestinian corpse that refused to condemn Hamas even when kicked.

THE ONION

U.S. — Following the controversy that arose due to comments made by a group of outspoken members of Congress known as “The Squad” regarding the Hamas terrorist attacks on Israel, a GoFundMe that proposes sending “The Squad” to Gaza raised $5 million within just a few hours.

“We’re raising money at a record pace here,” said Hank Thomas, the man who started the GoFundMe. “I expected there to be a decent amount of support for shipping members of The Squad off to show their solidarity with the Palestinians, but the eagerness people have to send them to Gaza is just explosive.”

As support for the GoFundMe continued to grow, ordinary people across the United States began doing whatever they could at the grassroots level to help the cause. “I’ve already sold both of my family’s cars,” said proud American Cody Callow. “This weekend, I’m having my kids work long shifts at their roadside lemonade stand. Maybe I’ll take out a second mortgage on the house next week. Whatever we can do to make this happen!”

At publishing time, the GoFundMe added a stretch goal to throw in Joe Biden and Kamala Harris if support broke the $10 million mark.

BABYLON BEENOW…LET’S COMPARE OUR OBVIOUS POLITICAL PARODIES WITH THIS ACTUAL WASHINTON POST  REPORTGannett ordered our local Morning Fishwrap to roll back op-eds after “repelling readers” with biased articles
• Readers didn’t want to be told what to do or how to think
• They were perceived as having a ‘biased agenda’ so Readers were canceling subscriptions
• The company is decreasing its editorial output and even scaling back cartoons
• The newspapers will no longer make political endorsements beyond a local level, like when The Fishwrap endorsed Crooked Hillary For President.

Can You Tell If This Is The Real Story?

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HERE’S HOW MUCH WE OWE

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The Whistleblower Newswire Is Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda

The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop crusade for Election Integrity and against Coordinated Leftist Insurrection and the Devolution of Our American Culture while Congress, the Deep State, and the Radical Media Establishment continue to lie to advance their Coordinated Leftist Agenda.

But first, we must see a Corleone  Political Reckoning on Election Integrity Along With Indictments And Perp Walks For Laws Broken During The Illegal 2020 Presidential Election, without which nothing else really matters.

Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda is watching to see if any progress is made during the next 386 (at press time) days before the 2024 elections.