SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2016
More Politics Unusual
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: At last night’s CNN town hall debate for the DemocRATS, Hillary Clinton said that during her time in the White House, she would actually put on a baseball cap and sunglasses so she could walk around Washington, D.C., unnoticed. The only time it went wrong was when Bill pulled up and said, “Hey baby, do you — oh, never mind.” Conan O’Brien said: At last night’s town hall, Bernie Sanders said, “I’ve had good endurance my whole life.” Then there was an awkward rebuttal by Mrs. Bernie Sanders. Jimmy Kimmel said: Donald Trump somehow made the list of nominees for the Nobel Peace Prize. He’s on the list, right next to Pope Francis, which might seem ludicrous because it IS ludicrous. But Trump is excited about it. He might be the first person ever to campaign for Nobel Prize consideration. And Seth Meyers said: During last night’s Democratic town hall Hillary Clinton told voters, “I never thought I’d be standing on a stage here asking for people to vote for me for president.” Because she thought she’d already be done being president by now.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1974 Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles” opened in movie theaters, and what a great Black History Month Moment that was.
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE always liked Mel Brook’s: “You can accomplish much if you don’t care who gets the credit.” Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary could sharply redefine the Republican race, but our polling suggests a Bernie Sanders win in the Granite State won’t remake the contest for the DemocRAT presidential nomination, except if you believe the latest Reuters/Ipsos poll that says Senator Bernie Sanders has erased Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s wide lead for the DemocRAT presidential nomination since the start of year, putting the two in a dead heat nationally.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 137 says, “Tell a joke”: Q: How do you starve an Obama supporter? A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “MISSION IMPOSSIBLE” “President Jimmy Carter called the IM Team to help free those 50 members of the Carter-Mondale Re-election Committee held captive by terrorists for four months in Iran. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on March 8, 1980.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, The Odious Octegenarian, who says with all those presidential birthdays coming up this month, it’s no coincidence this poem appears in his “Sentimental Poems of Presidential Birthdays,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Honesty Might Not Be the Best Policy
They called him “Honest Abe”
He meant just what he said.
But Washington couldn’t handle that
So they shot him in the head.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER updated our story this week about Metro bus Driver Tyrone Patrick, who hit and killed a 73-year old pedestrian, Stephen Frank, at the intersection of Erie Avenue and Edwards Road in Hyde Park. In case you missed it, you can read it HERE.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. We didn’t have a Seediest Kid of All Interview on Saturday because of all those special e-ditions on Ronald Reagan’s Birthday, so let’s all re-read the “Schnozzy Heimlich Story” from last week.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says expect Wall Street to follow global markets lower on Monday morning as a selloff accelerated about an hour into the session. The Dow Jones Industrial Average will sink 336 points, or 2.09%, to 15864. The S&P 500 will drop 38 points or 2.06% to 1841, while the Nasdaq Composite will be trading at its lowest level since August 2014, dropping 100 points, or 2.31% to 4262. Energy, telecommunications, and financials led all 10 S&P 500 sectors in negative territory.
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THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and many Free Grain Party Members can hardly wait until the next Disingenuous DemocRAT Debate to see how much FREE Stuff is being promised.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what why his Charles Foster Kane’s Faux Facebook Page had been disabled. “Obviously,” Kane explained, “It was disabled after somebody maliciously reported that our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher who’s been publishing The Blower for the past 25 years might not be a real person.”
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”
MONDAY (FEBRUARY 8), we’ll be celebrating Chinese New Year, hoping we don’t gain too much weight eating all that soy sauce, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 346 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
TUESDAY (FEBRUARY 9) Noted New Hampshire Political Reporter Manchester Tadwell will be on hand to report Ohio Governor John Kasich’s concession speech after he fails to win the New Hampshire Primary Elections.
WEDNESDAY, (FEBRUARY 10): On Ash Wednesday, The Blower will be asking, “Are Most Americans Giving Up Hope Again For Lent This Year?”
THURSDAY (FEBRUARY 11) we’ll be catching up on Black Lives Really, Really Matter History Month, and checking all those white people’s “Guilt Indexes.”
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (FEBRUARY 12) LIMERICK IS “If you forget St. Valentine’s Day.”
AND SATURDAY (FEBRUARY 13) we’ll be getting ready for Valentine’s Day, but if our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane is planning to take Mrs. Kane out to dinner for Valentine’s Day to celebrate their 46th Wedding Anniversary, he should’ve done it on Thursday, since restaurants won’t be as nearly so crowded, and they won’t have jacked up their Valentine’s Day prices yet.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes in Anderson, because word around the local real estate offices is that there are still a lot of new inquiries for homes in West Clermont school district. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us another successful audit.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Today’s Whistleblower Video for
Black Lives Really, Really Matter History Month
“Whites Only Laundry”
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