SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 02, 2023
TRUMP’S NINE-HUNDRED-AND-FIFTY-FIFTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND HOW OUTRAGED WAS TURPIN HIGH STUDENT AMDEBREHN MALEDE FOR NOT BEING CHOSEN POSTER BOY FOR LAST YEAR’S FOREST HILLS SCHOOLS DIVERSITY DAY?
These Fictitious People Still Sound A Lot Like Some People We Know
Here’s another column featuring the same sleazy 1980s characters at the satirical Patronage County Courthouse, to illustrate things going on hereabouts these days, so our Persons of Consequence might gain yet another useful perspective on the news.
These articles are Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as the struggling columnist below who shares his acute and surprisingly accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.
“Labor Daze” By James Jay Schifrin
This week our Patronage County Commissioners were talking about why the Labor Day weekend doesn’t seem to be such a big deal these days.
“Shouldn’t they just call it “Union Day?” asked Commissioner Filch. “They seem to be the only ones celebrating it.”
“What’s to celebrate after 955 days of the Biden* Administration?” asked Commissioner Pilfer. “Biden*s August Jobs Report was really in the crapper.”
“But the Biden* White House will lie about it, just like they do about everything else,” said Commissioner Swindle. “So much for honoring American workers on Monday!”
“Sitting in traffic jams during holiday weekends even costs more during the Age of Biden*,” said Commissioner Filch. “Gasoline prices are now more than double what they were when he came into office.”
“Unions in Cincinnati have really been having their problems too,” added Commissioner Pilfer.
“Those dishonest public employee union leaders in Cincinnati lining their own pockets must’ve been great for morale,” laughed Commissioner Swindle.
“Kids used to go back to school right after Labor Day,” Commissioner Filch explained. “That’s the big reason parents always celebrated the holiday.”
“So what’s important about Labor Day this year?” Commissioner Swindle asked.
“It’s just another day off with pay,” Commissioner Pilfer said.
“Who’s the featured speaker at the big Labor Day picnic on Monday?” asked Commissioner Filch.
“I’m not sure, but seven years ago it was Crooked Hillary’s Serial-Rapist Husband, Disgraced Ex-Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton who was there blaming Donald Trump and the Republicans,” explained Commissioner Swindle. “This year maybe we’ll see how serious Diminutive D-RAT Cincinnati Mayor Aflack is about running for governor if he shows up.”
This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.