TODAY IS
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2023

TRUMP’S SEVEN-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY-SIXTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE

AND WOULDN’T IT BE FUNNY IF HUNTER BIDEN’S BUSINESS PARTNER FLIPPED AND WAS NOW COOPERATING WITH GOP INVESTIGATORS?

Presidents’ Day Poetry

This week, everybody who lets their kids open their Presidents’ Day presents on Presidents’ Day Eve e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest. The winner is noted presidential scholar Elwood P. Twiddle, Ph.D., instructor emeritus at Hooven Tech.

Elwood wins bus fare to visit the home of William Henry Harrison, which’s been paved over to become the intersection of Washington and Symmes Streets in North Bend, Ohio; a steel-engraved portrait of George Washington suitable for framing, and commemorative kneepads from the Clinton White House. His winning limerick is:

The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Is that them we no longer obey
Though Abe was a prince
With Obama I wince
Wish he was a Good DemocRAT today.

Tomas de Torquemada says
The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day,
Is that John McCain won’t come into play.
It’s a holiday for eminent leaders,
Not a celebration of bottom-feeders,
And those rats whose country they betray.

The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Is putting on a powdered toupee
And playing judge with a gavel:
Have a big one, will travel…
“Don’t sanction me, bro – I’m OK!!”

Dishonorable Mentions
The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Shouldn’t be getting a day off with pay.
The purpose, you slacker,
Is to become a statesmen-like backer,
Because our virtues are in serious decay.

The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Besides having a day off with pay;
Is not to be patriotic,
But to do something erotic,
And celebrate our moral decay.

The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day,
(Other than staying home with full pay);
Is that Clinton, Carter, and others,
One day will join those dead mothers,
And we won’t have to hear the crap that they say.

The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Is putting apostrophes in play.
Some people guess
Before, or AFTER the ‘ess’,
Whatever would your English teacher say?

And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked and now has something to tell the padre at this week’s confession):

The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Is that the Messiah will eventually end up that way.
Then we’ll see him no more
Especially at Mt. Rushmore
If I never see him again, that’s OK.

The best part of dead Presidents’ Day
Is that at some point this one will also be that way.
I don’t wish him bad luck
(Though I really don’t give a good … uh … “darn”)
Just call me a nasty old Republican ofay!

Rafael Sabatini says
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Is our patriotism on display.

The ADL and the SPLC
Seethe with Marxist hatred for you and me.

Their devious attacks against the West,
A civilization that God once blessed,

Make them the enemies of all we hold dear,
As they work to build their climate of fear.

Every single D-RAT lives in this camp:
They all bear the hammer-and-sickle stamp.

When Monday arrives, Feb. the Seventeen,
These vermin will have to disguise their spleen.

They’ll trot out “tolerant” and “inclusive,”
And left-wing verbiage unobtrusive.

Don’t be fooled by their slick press releases:
The bottom line is, they’re full of feces.

They’re waiting to accuse us of more hate,
So stand up to them and don’t take the bait.

The love of your country is not a vice,
Unless you subscribe to leftist head lice.

Finally, Perturbed In Park Hills Says
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Is having Governor DeSantis say

“Go fuck yourself” to Beijing Joke Biden;
Whose approval poll numbers are slidin.’

Even D-RATS are wise to the raw deal
Perpetrated by the election steal.

Have the leftists stirred a sleeping giant
Thinking we peons would be compliant?

Do Republicans have balls after all
When faced with America’s rapid fall?

The presence of spine remains to be seen
About pursuing a Deep State deep clean.

The leftist sewer’s ugly, dark and deep
And we have miles to go before we sleep.

The Trumpster couldn’t beat them all alone;
For the scumbag RINOs we must atone.

One county at a time, each statehouse too
We need to turn them all to red, from blue.

Washington, Abe and the old Trust Buster –
They wait for us to restore their luster.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“This Month We Study Black History”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Horny Historians.