SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2021
TRUMP’S TWO-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY-SEVENTY-SIXTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY WE’RE SO DAMN PATRIOTIC ALL THE TIME
Footwear For A Very Special Occasion
This afternoon at the Clermont County Outpatient Clinic, sick, lazy, and lame veterans were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why he was wearing his old U.S. Army combat boots at the meeting. “Today is a very special day,” Kane explained. “According to my DD-214 Form, October 23 is exactly 57 years to the day I was released from the service.”
“How come October 23 isn’t listed as an Official National Holiday?” Hurley the Historian asked.
“It should be,” Kane agreed. “At least we could always remember it at The Whistleblower Newswire. Along with your Military Serial Number, there are two dates anybody who was ever in the service always remembers: The day you went in and the day you got out.”
“How long were you in?” asked Whistleblower War Hero Ollie Hackworth.
“Exactly two years, 8 months, 28 days, 12 hours, 36 minutes, and 12 seconds,” Kane recalled. “I started counting my days right after the sergeant said “I, state your name…” when I was being sworn in at the induction center at Ft. Thomas, Kentucky on January 23, 1961.”
“I called the Outback restaurant like you said,” said one of the Whistleblower interns. “But they didn’t recognize your October 23 Holiday and said you’d have to wait till Veterans Day on November 11 for your FREE Bloomin’ Onion, just like rest of the free-loading veterans.”
“Don’t forget to call Anderson Township and make reservations for me and a guest at this year’s FREE Anderson Township Veterans Day Celebration at the Patriot Center, wherever the hell that is.” Kane instructed.
“But why are you wearing your old U.S. Army combat boots today?” asked our Good Friend Bobby Leach.
“That’s easy,” Kane explained. “Every year when I get ready for CFK Separation Day on October 23, the date I was released from the U.S. Army, I always go down in the basement, look in my old duffel bag, and put on put on my old Army uniform.”
“What happened to the rest of your Army clothes?” Bobby asked. “Why aren’t you wearing any of them today?”
“Unfortunately,” Kane admitted, “These days I’m twice the man I was when I enlisted and my boots are the only things that still fit.”