TODAY IS
SUNDAY,JANUARY 10, 2021
TRUMP’S 1451st DAY IN OFFICE
AND HERE’S TONIGHT’S REAL VIRUS UPDATE
Vol. XIX: Alert! Traitor in Our Midst!
My Dear Friends and Benefactors,
Sieg heil!
I am sorry to inform you that there is a mole among us, a traitor. I do not know who it is, but this person is deadly to our cause and must be removed at once! And when I say “removed,” you know full well what I mean – is there any need to be more specific?
Whoever this black hat is, he has spray-painted some doggerel verse behind the altar in the sacrifice chamber, which I will reproduce below. In the meantime, I direct you to deploy all the snitching skills you’ve been working on to catch this dangerous worm as soon as possible. If this person is not found immediately, all our utopian socialist perks will be threatened. And you know what happens when we are threatened…
“Joke and Jill
Went up the Hill
To get inaugurated.
Joke fell down
And broke his crown:
His mind’s not been located.
Nancy dear,
See here, see here:
Your laptop has gone missing.
Will we now,
You friend of Mao
Find out whose butt you’re kissing?
Cocaine Mitch
Has got an itch
For Chinese cash and dames.
Mr. Xi Dost smile on thee
He’s ready to stake his claims.
Zuckerberg,
The Facebook nerd,
“Community standards” dude,
Truth’s forbid,
Get off his grid
Otherwise our country’s screwed.
Twitter Jack
They’ve got your back
From Moscow clear to Beijing.
Closed accounts
In large amounts,
Only leftist birds can sing.
Google’s way
Is here to stay:
Sneaky algorithm king.
Hard core left
Sheer info theft
They call it “Do the right thing.”
My friends, I am not even going to offer a reward for this. Your moral outrage should be enough motivation. Snitch on – the traitor must be destroyed!
I, your most humble Supreme Pastor (but in no sense as supreme as our Supreme Master), salute your integrity authenticity and intersectionality!
Sieg heil!
Yours for a healthier (and more sustainable) Temple,
(Rev.) Jim Jones
Supreme Pastor and CEO, Healthier Lives Matter
Little St. James Island
